Friday, March 31, 2023

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Jerry Jones Knows The Future

There’s psychics, fortune tellers, and Jerry Jones.

Last week, after the Dallas Cowboys lost to the Jacksonville Jaguars, 35-17, owner Jerry Jones took it upon himself to personally apologize to fans for the team’s poor performance this season. After the game, Skeletor was quoted saying (via Yahoo! Sports):

“I’m embarrassed,” Jones said. “Of course I am. And to every fan, I should have and do take the ultimate, ultimate responsibility. I do. That’s the way we’re structured. That’s the way I run it. There’s no question that I have the plan and executing it to have the best players and the best coaching that we can have. I’m dumbfounded that we are 1-7.”

What’s so special about this quote? Well, last week after the loss to the Jaguars, the Cowboys were only 1-6. That’s insane! Jerry somehow knew the Cowboys were going to lose this week to the Packers to fall to 1-7. Either that or he was just like the rest of us and assumed his team was going to lose.

But still, what else does Jerry know that we don’t?

(::says under breath::) Obviously not how to run a professional football team… ZING!

However, Jerry is still the Mrs. Cleo of NFL team owners. Can you answer anymore of our questions, Jerry?

Will Justin Garrett actually win a game as the Cowboys new head coach? Will Cam Newton still win the Heisman even after recent negative news has been surfacing about him? Will Apple release the iPhone on a cell phone service provider other than AT&T? Will Celine Dion’s new twin babies be as weird as her?

Tell us more, Jerry. Tell us more.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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