It’s Time For An Intervention, The Texans Are Addicted To Signing Old Running Backs
Rex Burkhead? I legit thought Rex Burkhead has been out of the league for like three or four years now? Maybe I feel that way because, to me, Rex Burkhead is the Toby Gerhart of Danny Woodhead’s. Hell, he’s so old, I call him T-Rex Burkhead! #sickburn Ok, he’s only 30. But in running back years, that’s 82. He might as well be a jogging back at this point, because pretty soon, my man’s gonna be hitting holes using a walker. But that’s enough about Rex and his old balls. This is less about him and more about the Texans. They’ve become your friend who dated one older woman and now they only have an appetite for grandmas. They’re the Paul Finch of the NFL.
It used to be whenever the Texans made a dumb personnel decision, we could just chalk this up as a dumb franchise decision made by that walking chin dimple Bill O’Brien. In fact, this whole old running back addiction all started last year when the Texans traded the best wideout in the sport for a guy who had one good season… in 2016…. in David Johnson. Sure, we had our laughs. It was funny. But now it’s getting serious. BOB’s been gone for months now and they’re still making head-scratching roster moves. There’s no excuse for this anymore. They have a legit problem. Check out their current running back roster:
- David Johnson
- Mark Ingram
- Philip Lindsay
- Rex Burkhead
- Dontrell Hilliard
I know Philip Lindsay and Dontrell Hillard are fairly young, but Philip Lindsay was a hot rookie years ago and Dontrell Hillard’s name alone makes him sound like he’s 63-years-old. But as for the other guys, Mark Ingram is this generation’s Frank Gore, and as noted above, David Johnson was a one-hit-wonder over half a decade ago. I know this because I owned him in fantasy in 2017… the year after his good year. At this rate, who’s next to sign with the Texans? Peyton Hillis? They gonna take a run a Shaun Alexander? Maybe kick the tires on Rashard Mendenhall? How long before the Texans give Ahman Green a call? All I’m saying is the Texans need to have a talking to. As a Titans fan, trust me, I think it’s hilarious, but at some point, they’re going to get some geriatric running back killed by wheeling him out against an AFC South defense.
And look, I’m not coy to the fact that it’s gotta be difficult to be in the same division as Derrick Henry. And we’re not just saying that because this is The #1 Derrick Henry Fan Site On The Internet™, but because it’s true. But Texans, repeat after me… anything Bill O’Brien WOULD do, don’t do. WWBOBD? Don’t.
Anyway, let’s laugh at the Texans.
