Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

It’s Gonna Be A Sore de France


The first weekend of March Madness has come and gone. I’m back to realizing how boring the week is without any basketball games to track. (Note: When you find yourself Googling Ted Danson, you know it’s a slow week.) But life must go on. We have to find something to talk about until the sweet sixteen picks up on Thursday.

So let’s see here… What can we talk about? The NIT Tournament? Nah. The NBA? Rather not. The World Baseball Classic? USA got beat, not worth it. The NFL? I’ll leave that to Davis. The Women’s NCAA Tournament? Hahaha, yeah right… Unless of course Don Imus is involved, then maybe.

Wait. I know!

How about bicycle racing!

Yeah, bicycle racing… Let’s do it!

Today in a minor 5 day stage race in Spain, Lance Armstrong got caught up in a pileup. Reports say that he has broken his collarbone. Great… just what this country needs. A plummeting economy, a loss to Japan in the World Baseball Classic, and now this?! UGGGH!

Lucky for us, Lance was able to tough out the pain enough to Twitter. Thank the Lord!

On his Twitter page, he tweeted:

“I’m alive! Broken clavicle (right). Hurts like hell for now. Surgery in a couple of days. Thanks for all the well wishes.”

Ok. Well, thanks Lance. Glad to know you are alive. Frankly, I’d be a little pissed if you survived cancer but then died from a bicycle pileup in Madrid.

But like Owen Wilson says in You, Me and Dupree, “The man has done more with one testicle then you or I could do with three.”

Lance was hoping to make a comeback to the Tour de France this year after a 4 year absence. He was working out and preparing himself to race this July. However, this is all now questionable as we will wait to see the results of his surgery and rehab. Hopefully, for America, Lance will be able to make it back and have a strong showing in the Tour this year, as the U.S. has only had one person finish in the top 3 since Lance retired.

Lance, you gave us that little ray of hope that we once again may have a Tour de France winner. But with this wreck, you make us all want to yell like Rob Schneider:


So please, tough it out Lance and give us something else to watch this July 4th other than Kobayashi and the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Look at the bright side, at least you didn’t break a leg. You wouldn’t even be able to pedal if you did that. So beat this like you did with cancer and make it to France this summer. Please!

Livestrong, buddy!

Just A Note: I ride my bike around campus all the time. Now, I will admit, I have crashed a couple times. So I can vouch for Lance. It hurts. Now granted, I ride a BMX bike, while he rides a racing bike, but still… A crash is a crash! I think this officially makes me Korked Bats’ bicycle racing analyst.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.