Thursday, April 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

I’ll Say It If No One Else Will: Enough of Donna Kelce

Look, if I have to be the one to say it, then I’ll say it.

Enough with Donna Kelce.

Say what you will about all of us drinking from the fire hose of content surrounding Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, coming only a mere months after getting sprayed by the fire hose of content surrounding the Kelce brothers playing in the Super Bowl, which is where this lore of Mama Kelce spawned, but after this past Sunday, I am officially out on Donna.

Ma Donna has reached levels of fame without any discernable talent (aside from being related to an athlete) to the point where she has me wondering if she’s actually a Kardashian. A Keldashian, if you will. And now she’s being talked about everywhere as if she’s dating Pete Davidson – which let’s just give that some time. And it’s only gotten worse since her son started “dating” Tay Tay. Between cozying up next to Jake From State Farm to rocking her New Heights podcast hat in the Swiftie suite, she’s become nothing more than a walking billboard. NASCAR drivers don’t hock as many products as Donna.

And the thing is, she’s not even an entertaining (or annoying) athlete parent. My old boss Jim Rome always says “give me an A or give me an F.” Be awesome or be terrible. Celion Dion or William Hung. Succession or Big Bang Theory (shout out to all of my fellow #AntiBangGang members). Donna is neither. She’s not an annoying lightning rod subject like Lavar Ball. And she certainly can’t sell anyone a can of Campbell’s CHUNKY quite like Donovan McNabb’s mama. She’s just mid, at best. Her only discernible skill is that she gave birth twice. My wife is about to pop out our second. Any chance we could get her an interview on The Rich Eisen Show or a cameo in a beer commercial? Look, it’s bad enough we have to see Travis Kelce at every corner based on his publicity stunt, I mean relationship, with the queen Taylor Swift. Outside of Elon Musk’s desperate pursuit of relevance, it’s been the year of Travis Kelce. He’s been the only thing more popular than the Grimace Shake. I’ve seen more of the Chiefs’ tight end this year than I have my own family. And I don’t even have some Aaron Rodgers relationship with them. And speaking of family, we don’t have to be inundated with Travis’s. Unless she starts catching touchdown passes on post patterns from Patrick Mahomes, let’s heed the words of Ron Burgundy himself and “leave the mothers out of this.”


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.