Friday, September 22, 2023

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

I Can’t Stop Thinking About Steve Ballmer Celebrating With The Double Upper Thigh Grab

The Clippers may be gone, but the image of Steve Ballmer slappin’ his bros’ upper thighs will live on forever.

Look, I’m not gonna pretend I’ve never gotten excited to the point where I just wanted to grope the hell out of my guys. Sometimes things happen, sometimes upper thighs get slapped, maybe gripped, and sometimes you just have to sit down for a while immediately. I get it. Ballmer was jacked up. Who am I to judge what he does during? Who am I to tell him not to grab the inner loins of his best pals sitting next to him? Let he who hasn’t probably committed a few HR violations on national TV cast the first stone.

It also should not be overlooked how the guy has impeccable form too. This definitely isn’t his first thigh-grabbin’ rodeo. He starts off with the alternate slap. Right, left, right, left. Then he goes in for the double fister, just grabbing a chunk of each guys’ quad. Then he does some grippin’, some shakin’, and some rippin’. Then he downhill snow skis with their thighs as his poles right into sitting himself down. Just true form, and we’re lucky to have witnessed it.

And of course, I can’t write a blog about Ballmer without a montage of his and Billy Gates’s hypest moments from Microsoft.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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