Sunday, April 21, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

I Can’t Decide If Deion Sanders Power Ranking His Kids Is The Best Or Worst Parenting Move Ever

If you ask 99.9% of parents of multiple kids who their favorite child is, they’ll dodge the question better than Belichick being asked about anything other than lacrosse. However, that .1% is reserved for Deion Sanders.

Personally, I was always raised on not showing favoritism towards one kid. Even though my parents had a ginormous canvas of my sister’s senior portrait in a giant golden frame hanging at the end of a hall in our upstairs, while mine was much smaller, in a much cheaper frame, in the corner of the basement. But who’s keeping track? I’m fine. I was always told you should love all of your children equally. But in high steps Coach Prime with his children power rankings and now I’m not sure what to think. On one hand, it’s awful because it makes your other children feel like your love for them is conditional. But on the other hand, if they’re even half as competitive as their dad, they’re going to want to climb those rankings, causing them to be better behaved, listen more attentively, and quite possibly as an added bonus, get you more than some lousy arts and crafts tie they made in school for Father’s Day.

Look, iron sharpens iron. And if your kids gotta compete to earn that top spot, maybe it’s good for them? Hell, I bet if Deion could pick up new children from a transfer portal, he would. Just to keep his current kids on their toes. I’m about to have my second kid in October, so maybe I try this on for size and see where it goes? Why not? What’s the worst that can happen? One of my kids resents me for the rest of their life causing a lot of mental anguish and potentially physical harm to my kid, myself, and/or others? Pssshhht. Please. When has Deion Sanders ever proven not to be a role model? When has he ever proven we can’t take his word on things? What are you going to tell me next? That if I get work and have to miss work then I shouldn’t get Aflac?!

P.S. How is Shedeur only ranked 3? He’s singlehandedly turning Deion into the next Saban overnight. What the hell has Shelomi ever done for this family, ya know?! This is why we need a Sanders Family Playoff. Enough with this damn BCS.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.