Hey Ray Kinsella, It’s “Play Catch,” Not “Have A Catch” You Doofus

A lot of people list Field of Dreams as one of their all-time favorite sports movies. I am not one of those people. It’s not in my top 5. It’s not even in my top 10. Not because I don’t think it’s a great movie. It’s a really good movie. It’s because it’s not a sports movie.

It’s a horror movie.

Take a second to think about it. The entire plot of the movie revolves around a haunted cornfield that forces a man to plow his land and build a baseball field to which LITERAL ghosts walk out to play baseball. How can you say this movie is anything but a horror movie? There’s literally a creepy whispering voice in the cornfields saying things like “If you build it, he will come,” “Go the distance,” and “Ease his pain.” WHO’S PAIN?! AND WHY IS HE IN PAIN? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM YOU SON OF A BITCH?!

But the lack of being in the sports film genre isn’t the only reason why I don’t have this movie in my top 10. It’s because of the dialogue. Again, not the whole film. It’s a well written movie for the most part, but I always get hung up on one line. And I’m sure you do too.

“Hey dad? ……….you wanna have a catch?”

You “wanna have a catch”?! What the hell is that? HAVE A CATCH?!

No wonder Ray Kinsella had a bad relationship with his father. His dad was a Major League Baseball player and his son says things like “have a catch.” If my kid ever said “have a catch” I’d disown him too. What other baseball idioms does he say wrong? Scoring points? RBI’s?! The Mets are a respectable franchise?!

And for as much as I wanna clown the screenwriter here, I can’t. Because the last line of defense has to be the man who’s mouth it came out of. Kevin Michael Costner. This man should know better than anyone on earth. He’s in more baseball movies than actual baseballs are. How does he not pull the screenwriters aside and say, “Hey fellas, no one in their right mind says ‘Have a catch.’” And then he should’ve gone out there and improvised a new line. The correct line. A line where he says “play catch” rather than have one.

Now look, I will admit. There are small pockets of people out there who do say “have a catch.” And you know what we call those people? Soccer players. You have a Coke. You don’t have a catch. You have a Snickers. You don’t have a catch. If you have a clue, then you say “play catch.” Anyone who asks me if I wanna “have a catch,” I ask them if they wanna have a punch. Hearing Ray Kinsella say “have a catch” makes me wanna walk into a cornfield and never return.