Tuesday, July 23, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Hey Cubs, You Can Go Ahead And Sign Cody Bellinger At Any Point Now

Cody Bellinger is somehow still a free agent.

Hey Cubs, if you’re waiting for him to update his Twitter bio before you sign him, trust us, you’re going to be waiting for a while.

So just go ahead and sign him. He’s not going to look better anywhere else than he does in those blue pinstripes with the ivy placed directly behind him. Plus, the Cubs need this signing in the worst way. Aside from landing Shota Imanaga, the Cubs have been the lifeless body getting poked by a stick in the “c’mon do something” meme. They landed Dodgers prospect Michael Busch, which essentially eliminated themselves from landing Rhys Hoskins. And now it feels like they’re gonna miss out on blasting Belli bombs into the bleachers this summer.

I truly don’t think the Cubs realize just how easy it is to make a splash in the MLB offseason and literally steal headlines and attention for your club.

And it’s not like they have to do much to take the NL Central. They finished 2nd in the division last year. The Brewers not only lost their manager (to the Cubs), but they also traded Corbin Burnes away to the Orioles. And the Cardinals spent the offseason signing every single cover model of AARP Magazine. The only area they improved in is having more players who remember the days when MTV played music videos.

Look, if there’s anyone who understands procrastination, it’s me. So in a way, I respect the delay in actually getting anything done this offseason. But even I know to eventually get around to stuff. That’s still to be determined with the Cubs. So listen, Cubs. Sign Cody Bellinger.

And then get him to update his twitter bio.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.