Grit’s Mailbag

Let’s answer some questions.

[divider][/divider]

Dear Grit,

My wife has a garden. She also has bird feeders and these birds are now destroying her tomatoes. She complains about it and tell her to remove the bird feeder and she scoffs at me as though these birds know better.

How would you handle this situation, Grit?

— Tres Winn (@TresWinn) August 21, 2020

I’ll answer this with a similar situation. My wife would wear these big annoying hoop earrings. We were on vacation once and were about to go scuba diving and she left them in. I ask “why would you wear those?” She follows with a “don’t worry about it.” I stopped worrying about it. On an old hard drive I have video of her being stared down by a barracuda that was obsessed with the dangly fishing lures that presented her carotid arteries as bullseyes.

We get back on the boat and she asks “why was he staring me down.” I passively respond with a “I wouldn’t worry about it.”

I explained it later that night, but for the time being it felt good.

Basically give it time. Marriage is a long ride and if the easy explanation isn’t accepted at first it’ll come around later. Use your time wisely and your arguments sparsely. You’ll get another shot (unlike the tomatoes that died in this standoff.)

[divider][/divider]

Dear Grit,

I have had an irrational fear of eggrolls since I was a young child. I ate one and became feverishly ill almost two decades ago. Haven’t gone back..

How do I overcome this? Everyone says they are fantastic, but I can only go as far as Chili’s Southwest Eggrolls. pic.twitter.com/0BIkvrEtlq

— Jack Gentry (@jackagentry) August 21, 2020

Egg rolls really are kind of trash. Not all fears are meant to be conquered. I’m afraid of clowns. I gain absolutely nothing by befriending a clown. Crab ran-goons are better. Or try a spring roll, they are the see through healthier version. Egg rolls will not improve your life. Go full Lonely Island and make them fear you. Don’t be a part of the system.

[divider][/divider]

https://twitter.com/KeithMont/status/1296888001788878852

No. We have the joy of dying one day.

[divider][/divider]

Looking back in 10 years, who will have a better cleat saga, Trever Bauer or Odell Beckham?

— Cory Ball (@ballcory) August 21, 2020

I hope to everything it is Trevor Bauer. You will not find a group of guys who loves some @BauerOutage more than us. Hell we’d work him into our logo if we were sure we wouldn’t get sued. Bauer forever and #FreeJoeKelly.

[divider][/divider]

Dear Grit,

I have a little French Bulldog named Rigby. She LOVES the idea of going on walks with me and her mom, but she tires out about 15 seconds into these walk…

If we leave her at home, she gets very, very sad. If we take her with us, she gets very mad.

What should I do?

— John Michael Morris (@TheJmMorris) August 21, 2020

It’s a bulldog. They were built to absorb everyone’s sadness with no chance of being happy themselves. They have short little legs with big bellies and faces that defy reason. This is a downhill battle. Keep trying to find the amount of activity they can handle or get a dog stroller. Just imagine being built like that. You’d be angry too.

[divider][/divider]

I was missing sports when they weren’t on TV, but now that sports are back, my teams suck. Now I’m still depressed. What do I do, Grit?!

— Bradley Minnigan (@bradleyminnigan) August 21, 2020

It gets a lot easier when you remove expectations. If you figure out how to do that please write a book and make millions. Sports are pain. No way around it.