Going Pro SOONER Than Expected

April 8, 2009 Austin

Bye bye, Blakey!

(Insert Huge Sigh Of Relief From Everywhere In America But The Sooner State)

Finally, Blake Griffin is gone from college basketball. What a great day it is! I’m not going to lie, I was more sad seeing Tony Perkis go in the end of Heavyweights then I was to hear that Mr. Griffin will be entering the NBA Draft. (I’m not saying this as a Mizzou student, because frankly he had no affect on the Tigers this year) I’m saying this as a Men’s College Basketball fan. Read on and I will tell you why.

There is no question Blake Griffin was the most dominate athlete in college basketball this year…

(coughMINUSTHEMIZZOUGAMEcough)

(coughSORRYLASTTIMEIBRINGITUP,IPROMISEcough)

I mean the guy took home practically every award in the book:

Sports Illustrated Player of the Year
Oscar Robertson Trophy
Unanimous AP All-American
Sporting News Player of the Year
People Magazine’s Sexiest Bachelor
Coaches’ Big 12 Player of the Year
AP Big 12 Player of the Year
The Heisman Trophy
Sporting News Player of the Year
Album of the Year Grammy Award
Winner of Shot at Love with Tila Tequila
Adolph Rupp Award
The Can Go “Nuts In Face At Anytime” Award
FoxSports.com Player of the Year
1st Place Pinewood Derby Car
Korked Bats Player of the Year

and finally…

The Most Boring Player of the Year

Yeah, I said it… But come on, we were all thinking it. Don’t get me wrong, he was great this season. And yes, it was really nice having someone other than the deer in the headlights win every post season award. But this year the only man in the NCAA who has less personality than Chip from Not Quite Human stole the show. I’m not upset. He deserved it. But for once, I would love for the most dominate player in men’s college basketball to be entertaining or quirky.

I mean honestly, has anyone seen this guys show the least bit of excitement this year?

At a press conference?
At practice?
With his fans?
On the bench, waving to his mom?
Waiting to get back into the game?
High fiving teammates?
Watching TV on Selection Sunday?
Singing R. Kelly songs, like “Fly Like An Eagle“?
While concussed?
At another press conference?
While shooting free throws?
Showing PDA with teammates?
Walking around on campus?
After a monstrous dunk?

Yeah, I mean even after this guy makes a sick dunk he acts like his cat died last week and he is still trying to get over it. It’s ok to get excited and show some emotion, man.

Ok, well not EVERY dunk he makes is made while rocking a grim stone face. In fact on most of his dunks he looks like a retarded turtle. I’m not even kidding. Seriously, I feel like whenever he goes up to slam one down, some one should be asking him how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. (Here’s one more just for the heck of it. Do you see the turtle?) However, I’m not going to lie to you guys. You are loyal readers and you don’t deserve that. I will admit I have seen Blake Griffin smile once. And I’ll be honest, it was probably the last place I would EVER expect him to smile.

Anyway, the guy is heading pro, so I guess it’s better late than never to get to know Blake Griffin. So take some time out and watch this video and see for yourself how exciting “The Beast” is.

*Spoiler Warning*
Things you will learn from this video: Blake Griffin could care less about making monstrous dunks, Blake plays on the same team as his brother, Blake is easily distracted, Blake’s favorite NBA team is Ummm the Cavs, the kid who does the stand ups in this video should not being doing stand ups in any video.

On a semi-serious note, best of luck in the NBA, Blake. You were a monster in college and I can’t wait to see how you will play out in the pros. I am now passing you on to Korked Bats very own NBA Guru, Jared. I’m sure he can’t wait to write about you in the Association. And we all are praying for a Blake Griffin reality show after seeing your Video Diary on ESPN. You make it seem easy to be friends with you.

2 thoughts on “Going Pro SOONER Than Expected”

The DSX
April 9, 2009 at 12:09 am

I have absolutely no faith in Griffin when it comes to his future in the NBA. The monsters he is going to have to get past under the net will keep his boards per game pretty low. Now Blair from Pitt, I see good things from him
Glen!
April 10, 2009 at 12:46 am

Great Heavyweights reference… only to be out-done by an incredible tootsie pop drop.