Get Paid! Here Are Gator’s Best NFL Picks On The Internet – Week 4
I don’t know about much, but after 3 weeks, it’s clear I know how to win. We’re to the quarter point of the season, and I have yet to have a losing record against the spread. Some might say it’s luck, but I know deep down my 3 straight 9-7 records mean something a lot more. It means that Gator’s picks* are truly the best on the internet and that my readers are rewarded (modestly) each week by riding with them. No need to thank me, I’ll keep on delivering with my .5625 winning percentage.
(*-when you have three straight winning weeks, you get to talk in the third person.)
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Broncos @ Jets (DEN -0.5)
Ugh, I love that there’s football on Thursdays, but why does it always have to be the worst imaginable game? It’s like ordering a chips n’ dip appetizer, but the chips are stale and the dip is just motor oil. The Broncos are down to like their 5th string quarterback. Pretty sure Elway is up next on the depth chart. And the Jets are truly just the worst. New York City really is just the black hole of football. The over/under on combined wins for teams in that city is hovering around 4. I think the under’s a safe bet.
PICK: Broncos 23, Jets 9
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Browns @ Cowboys (DAL -5.5)
Can the Browns go into Dallas and beat the Cowgirls? Why the frick not? Dallas is truly horrible, and their fans are all nasty people. The best thing that could happen for this country is that the Cowboys keep losing. God speed, Baker Mayfield. I don’t like taking a guy who can’t outrun the cops, but my hand has been forced.
PICK: Browns 31, Cowboys 28
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Vikings @ Texans (HOU -4.5)
Hmmmm… Both teams are 0-3. The Texans finally play a team that isn’t undefeated! The Vikings probably have a bunch of COVID cases after their last match up with the Titans. One of these under-achievers has to win, and I’m going to go with the team that probably doesn’t have the virus.
PICK: Vikings 13, Texans 23
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Saints @ Lions (NO -4)
Man, all of the Michael Thomas haters have been pretty quiet since the Saints offense has looked pretty weak without him in the fold. The Saints are now 1-2 and desperate for the win. The Lions magically found their first win against the Cardinals. Hmmmm. In an upset, I’m taking the Lions!
PICK: Saints 24, Lions 27
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Seahawks @ Dolphins (SEA -6.5)
Russ is cookin! The Seahawks quarterback is on a mission to prove to everyone that he is the true MVP by throwing 5 touchdowns a game and single-handedly carrying the Seahawks to a 14-2 record. This is great, but unfortunately for Russ, there’s a very little known rule in the original NFL bylaws that states that anyone who marries Cierra cannot be named the Most Valuable Player of the league. Kind of a weird rule for them to implement. But rules are rules. And it really sucks to suck. They’ll keep winning though.
PICK: Seahawks 35, Dolphins 21
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Cardinals @ Panthers (ARI -3.5)
Cardinals v. Panthers is the bleh game of the week. It’s not that they’re two horrible teams. I’m just genuinely not interested. Instead of analyzing the game, I’ll give you a fun Philly fact! Matt Rhule is one of two head coaches in the NFL to formerly coach Philadelphia’s favorite college football team! No, not Penn State. Penn State is a 2 hour drive away from Philadelphia, and anyone who claims they’re a Philly team is stupid and wrong. I’m talking about the Temple Owls! The other coach? Bruce Arians.
PICK: Cardinals 22, Panthers 24
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Giants @ Rams (LAR -12.5)
The Giants are competing with their cross-town rivals to be the worst team in the league. Being from Philadelphia, it’s great to kick NYC while it’s down. A city filled with rats and overrated pizza is now the home of horrible sports teams. You absolutely love to see it. The Giants continue to be trash and get demolished.
PICK: Giants 6, Rams 30
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Colts @ Bears (IND -3)
Wow, I knew Nick Foles would eventually replace Mitch, but I did not expect the change to come in the 3rd quarter of Week 3 with the Bears being 2-0… Really tells you how bad Mitch is when he’s benched before losing a game. The Bears have gone to their back up, but are magically 3-0? Is that possible? What bizzaro world are we living in? It can’t last.
PICK: Colts 24, Bears 20
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Ravens @ Football Team (BAL -13)
Both teams are coming off blow out losses. However, the Ravens lost to the defending champions, and the Football Team lost to the Browns. Big difference, IMO. The Ravens are going to be pretty pissed, and unfortunately for Washington, they’re gonna be the victims of a good ole fashion butt whooping. Who knows though, 1-3 still might be good enough to be on top of the NFC East! Also, not enough people say butt-whooping anymore.
PICK: Ravens 45, Football Team 13
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Chargers @ Buccaneers (TB -7)
Dr. Herbert leads the Chargers to Tampa looking to find his worst win. I did the math, and he is less than half the age of Tompa Brady. Absolutely wild stuff. Let’s stay real to ourselves and hate on Brady and predict a loss from the old man.
PICK: Chargers 31, Bucs 27
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Jaguars @ Bengals (CIN -3)
Pretty sure Joe Burrow is the first quarterback to find his first tie before his first win. I didn’t look it up, but it seems right. The Jaguars are reeling after they got a heavy dose of Fitzmagic last Thursday night. Joe Burrow, get the victory cigars ready because you’re about to find your first W! Also, if victory cigars are for after wins? What do you smoke after ties? Menthols?
PICK: Jaguars 20, Bengals 24
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Patriots @ Chiefs (KC -6.5)
The last time the Chiefs played the Patriots, they went into Foxborough and handled their business. This was back when the Patriots had Tom Brady as their quarterback. Now the Patriots have an actual quarterback who doesn’t belong in a retirement home. The Patriots pull off the massive upset and shock Big Red.
PICK: Patriots 28, Chiefs 27
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Bills @ Raiders (BUF -3.5)
The Bills were up 28-3 to Sunday only to choke away the lead to the Rams. Fortunately for the Bills, they’re not the Falcons and were able to put together a game winning drive thanks to a phantom pass interference call. Buffalo is flying high, which usually when that happens, they end up breaking a card table. And just like everyone else, their luck is going to run out the second they land in Sin City. Josh Allen will leave the desert with broken dreams and a loss.
PICK: Bills 17, Raiders 22
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Eagles @ 49ers (SF -7)
The Eagles are 0-2-1 so far, but I’m a whopping 0-3 when picking the Eagles. It’s wise to learn from your mistakes, but it’s more important to stay true to yourself. In a week where we saw the angry Eagles YouTuber EDP445 quit the team, we’re gonna stick with the Birds because it’s all we know. Honestly, the guy’s a bitch if he’s quitting after 3 weeks… As Eagles fans we’ve all seen a lot worse. We have no time for fake fans in Philly, and I don’t want to see this bitch back on the bandwagon after we beat the 49ers this week.
PICK: Eagles 33, 49ers 25
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Falcons @ Packers (GB -6.5)
Aaron Rodgers continues to be on his F*** You I’m Still A Beast tour. The Falcons continue to blow huge leads that perplex the mind. I’ve got some good news for Falcons fans! The Falcons will not be blowing a big lead this week. Primarily because they will not be leading at any point.
PICK: Falcons 21, Packers 35
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Steelers @ Titans (PIT -2.5) – IF THIS GAME EVER EVEN GETS PLAYED
Now a lot has already been said about the Titans and COVID, blah blah blah. I want to focus on something else. The fact that we could’ve had some Tuesday night football that isn’t MACtion! Remember the last Tuesday night game? It really stung for me as the Eagles lost to Vikings after a blizzard where Joe Webb came in to replace a half-dead Brett Farve. Anyways, even with this game being pushed back, I’m told theres a 2 week recovery from COVID so I feel pretty safe taking the Steelers – no matter when this game is.
PICK: Steelers 26, Titans 13
