I was watching basketball with this cute girl last night, soaking up as much March Madness and frozen pizza as I could handle. Around 7pm, I announced to this fine young lady (who happens to be my wife), “It’s Jimmer Time!” After watching the Stormin’ Mormon drop 29 on the Terriers from Wofford, she asked “Why would anyone in their right mind name their child Jimmer?!”
Side note #1: If the Utah Jazz draft Fredette in the first round, his jerseys will sell out faster than limited edition Tim Tebow WWJD bracelets at a Third Day concert in Colorado Springs.
I spent the next 30 seconds explaining that his given-name is James and that Jimmer is just a nickname that stuck. And how it’s ok if she doesn’t understand because girls aren’t supposed to understand sports. But that got me thinking… surely, he’s doesn’t have the funniest name in sports, does he? I ran to my computer and discovered that dozens of athletes have existed with far funnier names than Jimmer.
Side note #2: If John Wall and Mark Madsen can have their own celebration dances, the “Point Guard Polygamist” has to get in on this. Jimmer Fredette needs to invent some ridiculous celebration dance. I can envision youth across America “doing the Jimmer.” On second thought, that sounds incredibly suggestive and would probably be against BYU’s Honor Code. Please, disregard this side note.
So I’ve decided to pull on the great resource known as the internet (which I’m pretty sure is here to stay), and compile the Korked Bats Funniest Names in Sports History That You Wouldn’t Be Afraid To Share With Your Grandma (aka, the PG-13 edition), or more commonly known as the KBFNISHTYWBATSWYG.
Side note #3: Jimmer is my latest man-crush, if you couldn’t already tell. The more you get to know me, the faster you realize these man-crushes come and go. A brief history of my man-crushes includes: Will Smith, LeBron James, Rajon Rondo, LeBrondo (the imaginary love-child of LeBron and Rondo), Ed Hochuli, Bill Simmons, Mikey from Recess, Kevin Durant, and Michael Vick (only the 2004 Madden version of Michael Vick though).
Names You’ve Probably Heard of But are Still Entertaining
Jimmer Fredette (basketball)
Coco Crisp (baseball)
Ching Ming-Wang (baseball)
Dick Butkus (football)
Rollie Fingers (baseball)
Harold “Pee Wee” Reese (baseball)
• • •
Names That I Couldn’t Make Up Even If I Tried
Lance Pitlick (hockey)
Harry Colon (football)
Have-a-Look Dube (soccer)
El Boom Boom Moorer (Boxing)
Kyle Sackrider (Football)
Jorge Poo Tang (Baseball)
Ron Tugnutt (hockey)
Tim Spooneybarger (Baseball)
And because I steal most of my material from other people… Here are some credits:
Also, be sure to check out one of Korked Bats’ first videos about ridiculous sports names. If you have any that we’re missing, please comment with them below.