Saturday, July 13, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Franks For The Memories

I bet when you woke up this morning, you thought to yourself, “Something is different about today.”

And you know what? You’re right.

Because today is the 23rd birthday of our very own, Frank Ford.

Of all of our writers, I have known Frank the longest, since way back in Mrs. Bonds’ 4th grade class. We didn’t really become friends however until Mrs. Schott’s 5th grades class. But yet again, we didn’t become close friends until Mr. Jordan’s homeroom in 6th grade.

And now look at us!

I’m in my fifth year of college wondering if I’ll EVER graduate and he’s living in his mom’s basement wondering if he’ll EVER get a job. But hey, at least both of us still have this non-profitable website that we write for. And who needs girlfriends? Well, we do… Obviously, not us! We’re living life to the fullest and hating loving every minute of it.

I’d be lying if I said, Frank and I haven’t been through a lot together. We have been to numerous sporting events including the Indy 500 and college football’s longest game ever (7 overtimes), between Kentucky and Arkansas. In middle school, we both went to our first “party” together in which we saw people “make-out” for the first time.

Frank and I also took Television Productions for 4 years in high school. For those of you who don’t what TV Pro was, we were like the AV Nerds of our school. Only we like to think we were really cool. We both dated and took sophomores to prom our senior years. And then those girls ripped our hearts out and used them as toilet paper. I guess that’s how they thanked us for taking them to prom as sophomores.

Frank was also with me for my sister’s wedding. He was our videographer. And boy did he do amazing work! However, the wedding would have to take a backseat to what we did right before we left. On our drive out of Gulf Shores, Alabama, Frank and I stopped at (and I promise, I’m not making this up) the Spear Hunting Museum.

Unfortunately for us, the one day of the week that the Spear Hunting Museum was closed was Mondays. Sure enough, it was a Monday morning when we went. (Honestly, who’s business operates Tuesdays to Sundays?) However, Frank and I were able to get our picture in front of the giant Gene Morris mural on the side of the building! That’s right, the ole Spear Chunker, himself! So there was a win for us.

Long story, short, Frank and I have been through a lot in our lifetimes. So in honor of Frank’s birthday, I figured I would compare Frank to other people in history.

Jackie Robinson

Many of you know Jackie Robinson for breaking the color barrier in baseball and paving the way for black athletes to excell in sports. Well, Frank has one upped J.R. by being the first writer (outside of myself and Davis Naish, who is no longer with the blog) from Tennessee to write for Korked Bats. Since then, names like Chip and Slack have been able to work for Korked Bats from the Volunteer State.

Ashley Judd

Ashley Judd gets a lot of credit from the media for being a HUGE Kentucky fan. However, she only gets that much attention because she is famous, but I’m pretty sure she has probably missed a Kentucky game over the radio, on TV, or in person since 7th grade! Yeah, Frank hasn’t.

Britney Spears

Remember when Britney shaved her head? Remember how bad she looked? Well, Frank looked a lot WORSE when he shaved his head! So take that, Britney! Frank is better at looking worse with a shaved head than Britney Spears. And it was ironic that right after shaving his head, Frank said, “Oops, I did it again.” (Insert Rim Shot Here)

Abraham Lincoln

Frank may not have ever freed the slaves or given any Gettysburg Addresses, but one time he did win $10,000 from AmSouth Bank. I’m not even kidding.

Lorenzo Neal

This may be the only person on this list who is significantly better than Frank. But this is in no disrespect to Frank. In fact, he would probably agree with me. Lorenzo Neal is one of the greatest football players of all time. No question.

Before we go, I figured one last way I would pay tribute to my man Frank, would be to publish some classic photos of him. Happy Birthday Frank! You’re the man!

“Happy Birthday Frank!” -Austin


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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