Sometimes you hear a story that’s so oddly specific, you have to believe the storyteller. And this anecdote from Gary Payton is one of those stories. Gary Payton is a legendary NBA player, sure. But when it comes to conceptualizing creative stories, I raise questions. So when he says hall of famer Shaquille O’Neal would piss into a bucket for an entire week before dumping it on rookies, then I can find no reason NOT to believe it, mainly because I read in a Sports Illustrated For Kids a long time ago that Shaq used to save his toenail clippings. So saving his urine doesn’t seem too far off base. But I love the idea of Gary Payton setting up this story by calling it a “joke” and referring to Shaq as a “jokester.” Ahhh, classic. Nothing better than the old dump pee-pee on a teammate prank.
Personally, if you dump a bucket of piss on me, I’m not gonna sit back and say, “Oh, man! Good one! You got me!” Deion Sanders dumping a bucket of water on Tim McCarver? Sure, I can see that as more of a joke. Albeit a rude joke with bad intentions, but still a joke. But if Primetime replaced the contents of that bucket with human-made lemonade, then that takes away the joke aspect. It’s a little less than a goof.
It reminds me of that scene from The Ten.
IT WAS A GOOF!
Dumping a bucket of piss on someone? It was a goof! And this is Shaq we’re talking about. A week’s worth of his piss from him can probably fill one of Butch Jones’s 36-gallon Rubbermaid trashcans. So you’re not just getting a little wet. You’re getting ‘standing on the bridge of an amusement park waterfall ride’ soaked. Good luck not smelling like a gas station bathroom for the rest of the week.
But hey, IT WAS A GOOF!