Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Expansion: By The Numbers

I’m no expert on college football conference expansion, but I do like to consider myself an expert on expansion because I used to own a set of Magic Rocks, and they would expand into cool underwater plant things. Plus I have watched a lot of SpongeBob SquarePants in my day. He’s a sponge.

It was announced on Wednesday that the University of Nebraska will announce today that they will be moving from the Big XII Conference to the Big Ten Conference.

Say whaaaaaa?

Yup, the Cornhuskers of Nebraska will soon be members of the Big Ten but will remain the Cornhuskers maintaining their role as one of the least intimidating mascots in the country.

You’re probably wondering what this move means for the rest of the college football world. Well, you’re in luck, because you came to Korked Bats. And we always help spell these issues out easily for you. So grab your TI-83 Calculator (with or without games installed, but preferably with), your calculator watch, and/or your abacus and let’s dive into the world of College Football Conference Expansion by looking into the numbers.

So we have the Big TEN. Which actually has ELEVEN teams. Go figure. It was reported last December that they want to expand to TWELVE or more so they can have a conference championship like other conferences such as the ACC or SEC which each have TWELVE teams. The reason you need TWELVE is so you can have two divisions of SIX teams within your conference to battle out to make it to a championship game. So the Big TEN wants TWELVE (or more) so they invite FOUR. Missouri, Nebraska, Rutgers, and Notre Dame. (But not the Hunchback Of…) Then the Big TEN says, “No, we are not expanding. At least not yet.” At the Big TEN meetings, Big TEN Commissioner claimed they will not discuss expansion for TWELVE to EIGHTEEN months. Then they may expand to SIXTEEN schools, making it the Big SIXTEEN, but not to be mistaken with Gene Pitney’s Big SIXTEEN. Shortly after the Pac-TEN came out of the (beach)wood works and offered invites to SIX Big TWELVE schools. The entire Big TWELVE South (minus Baylor… Do we have to explain why?) plus Colorado of the Big TWELVE North. So the Pac-TEN wants to be the Pac-SIXTEEN leaving the Big TEN to speed up their process of expansion to anywhere from TWELVE to SIXTEEN. Ocean’s THIRTEEN was better than Ocean’s TWELVE, but neither of them were better than Ocean’s ELEVEN. So if the Pac-TEN becomes the Pac-SIXTEEN, that would make the Big TWELVE the Little FIVE, unless of course Missouri also follows Nebraska to the Big TEN, then the Big TWELVE, which used to be the Big EIGHT, would be the Little FOUR and the Big TEN would be the Big THIRTEEN. Who knows if all this mess will be settled before we find our NBA World Champion. The Lakers currently lead that series TWO games to ONE. Kobe had TWENTY NINE points on Tuesday night. If this expansion does happen whether the Big TEN has ELEVEN, TWELVE, THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN, FIFTEEN, or SIXTEEN teams, it won’t be official until the year TWO THOUSAND ELEVEN. Which is ONE year away. So that would make things pretty awkward for Nebraska and/or any other team who accepts to leave the Big TWELVE for next season. What would happen if the Nebraska was to win the Big TWELVE next year being ONE of the teams that will be killing the league for the TWO THOUSAND ELEVEN season. Abe Lincoln once started off a speech by saying, “FOUR score and SEVEN years ago…” And how about Colorado? They are ONE of the Big TWELVE teams leaving for the Pac-TEN. They were invited and announced they will be leaving yesterday. Oklahoma State is team number TWO from the Big TWELVE to be set to join the Pac-TEN and team number THREE total for leaving the Big TWELVE. It was reported that Texas and Texas A&M are requesting to join the Big TEN making teams FOUR and FIVE for leaving the Big TWELVE. Oklahoma is being looked at by the SEC, making it team SIX to leave. It is also expected today that Rutgers will announce that they are team number THIRTEEN of the Big TEN. Regardless of how you add all this up, this college football off-season equates to:


• • •

Let’s look at how all the numbers add up:

ONE – 4

TWO – 2


FOUR – 4

FIVE – 2

SIX – 3



TEN – 16










Hopefully, this post has helped to clear up the confusion that is College Football Conference Expansion. If not, then well… Welcome to the club.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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