Earn Coin! Here Are Gator’s Best NFL Picks On The Internet – Week 3

Well, at least we’re consistent. For the second straight week we were 9-7 against the spread. 2020 has been the worst year of all time in many people’s opinions (see: the internet), and I’m proud to be a modest 18-16 after two tumultuous weeks in the NFL. If you’ve followed my picks to a tee, you’re slightly richer. But if you only picked my winners, then you’re on a massive hot streak! Happy to help. In this week’s picks, we reflect on what we’ve gotten wrong, and decide it’s too late to change. Something relatable for the loyal readers. Let’s get into it before I remember the current state of the Eagles and break down in tears.

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Dolphins @ Jaguars (JAX -3)

Maybe I was wrong about the Jaguars. Maybe there’s a method to their madness of trading away their best players for literally nothing, and going with a quarterback who seemed like more of a publicity stunt than a capable NFL quarterback. Maybe. Look, admitting you’re wrong is a very mature thing to do, but I’m not doing it after two weeks. Hey Minshew, want some bulletin board material??? I don’t care if you’re 1-1 and almost beat the Titans. Your team is trash, and you’re losing to Miami.

PICK: Dolphins 24, Jaguars 20

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Raiders @ Patriots (NE -6)

In each of the first two weeks, I have picked against the Raiders. In both weeks, the Raiders have won. Last week’s Raiders prediction centered around Derek Carr being complete trash. He promptly went out and outdueled Drew Brees on Monday Night Football to deliver the first win in Las Vegas. One would think that it’d be time to change my tune on Mr. Carr. WRONG! Even a blind squirrel finds a nut, and get this, a broken clock is right twice a day!!!! TWICE! Insane to think about. So we could still get another impressive start from that broken clock in Vegas. What was I talking about? Oh yea, Derrek Carr still sucks and the Raiders lose.

PICK: Raiders 13, Patriots 28

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Rams @ Bills (BUF -2.5)

Is this the year for Buffalo?? After two strong weeks, the Mafia is definitely on board. I’m rooting for Buffalo, but I still think the Patriots are going to edge them out in the division at the end of the year. (moth eaten) Hoodie Bill is just too devious to beat. However! I think Buffalo continues their hot start, and beat Goff and the boys. Good news for the Rams though, they’re really racking up the frequent flyer miles early on this year.

PICK: Rams 17, Bills 20

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Texans @ Steelers (Pit -3.5)

What a shame it is to be a Texans fan. Your team is extremely talented, but your coach/GM is a bumbling idiot, and you’ve started the season against the two best teams in football. Really tough stuff. Things don’t get easier with a trip to the 2-0 Steelers. Did you know that Pittsburgh is located at the crest of three rivers? Did you also know that if you square 3 you get 9 which is the number of kids Philip Rivers’ has? Sometimes facts are stranger than fiction. Where is this article going anymore? I’m not too sure.

PICK: Texans 27, Steelers 23

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49ers @ Giants (SF -4.5)

Serious question: Who are either of these teams going to send out? Week 2 was highlighted by injuries, and these two teams were hit the worst. Football is a violent sport, and although I love it, I think these two teams should sit this one out. Instead of playing the game, The team captains should just play rock, paper, scissors, best 2 out 3.

PICK: 49ers 2 Rocks, Giants 2 Scissors (49ers cover)

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Titans @ Vikings (TEN -2.5)

For as much crap as Austin likes to give Titans kicker Stephen Gostkowski, he could be Tennessee’s most valuable player after two weeks. Sure, he’s missed a bunch of kicks, but after two weeks, he’s got 2 game winners in the last minute. If he keeps it up, maybe he’ll be the 2nd NFL kicker to win a MVP award. Especially when the 2nd wave of COVID hits and the season is suspended after 8 weeks (you heard it here first). Anyway, the Vikings need a win, and the Titans haven’t been that impressive so we’re going with SKOL.

PICK: Titans 23, Vikings 25

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Football Team @ Browns (CLE -7)

One thing we were right about, the Football Team is not good. Unlike their epic name, they leave a lot to desire. The Browns got their first win of the year, and Baker Mayfield is probably buzzing around town wondering whether it’s too early to declare himself king of Cleveland, or what horrible dad joke he can make in his next cringy Progressive commercial. I don’t know, this is a lame game, and I don’t really feel like spending anymore energy on it.

PICK: Football Team: 20, Browns 28

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Bengals @ Eagles (PHI -6)

This one hurts. After the Eagles game on Sunday, I swore off football for the rest of my life. Nothing in life that causes this much pain is worth it. However, because I’m obviously in a toxic relationship, by Tuesday I was convincing myself that the Eagles are still making the playoffs, everything is fine, and they only do this to me because they love me. You don’t know them I like I know them. So, they win I guess? Because if they lose, I lose the last remaining shreds of my sanity.

PICK: Bengals 17, Eagles 31

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Bears @ Falcons (ATL -3.5)

Right before writing this article, I called my friend who just so happens to be a Falcons fan. It was weird, his girlfriend picked up and said he hasn’t left his room since Sunday. She’s just been sliding food under the door twice a day. Very sad stuff, but if my team lost like that, I don’t think I’d be doing much better. Fear not though, friend! I’m picking the Falcons to win which means there’s a 9/16 chance of it happening!

PICK: Bears 13, Falcons 21

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Jets @ Colts (IND -10.5)

Last week, I thought the Colts were going to lose, claiming Philip Rivers is washed up. They went out and made my prediction look like crap. Last week, I also said the Jets were a dumpster fire of a team. They went out and made my prediction look great. I’m not ready to hop off the Phillip Rivers should retire train just yet, but against the Jets, I’m sure he’ll be mediocre enough to win by 2 touchdowns.

PICK: Jets 7, Colts 21

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Panthers @ Chargers (LAC -7.5)

In one of the biggest twists of the week, it turned out Justin Herbert only got the start last Sunday because the team doctor punctured Tyrod Taylor’s lung while treating an injury in his ribs. Yikes. Someone get 24 Hour Mystery on the phone because there has to be some foul play involved. I’m not saying Herbert paid off the doctor, but someone in his family sure did. Same thing happened in New England 20 years ago when Brady paid his friend to break Drew Bledsoe’s leg with a tire iron. Herbert has that same killer instinct that made Brady great for all those years and picks up his first NFL victory.

PICK: Chargers 31, Panthers 6

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Lions @ Cardinals (AZ -5.5)

The Cardinals and their air-raid system seem to be working! Except Kyler Murray has more running touchdowns than passing so… Who knows? What I do know is that the Lions are cursed to be bad always, and I don’t think that’ll change this week. Also, Matt Patricia is always carrying around pencils but not a notepad. Someone should tell him the pencil doesn’t do anything if you have nothing to write on.

PICK: Lions 20, Cardinals 28

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Buccaneers @ Broncos (TB -6)

Another week, another paragraph about how old and crap Brady is. Look, I know he won last week, but I wasn’t impressed. The elderly do not do well in high altitude due to the thin air, and unfortunately for Tompa Bay, the Broncos play at a stadium that is literally a mile high. Tom is screwed! I’m expecting to see Blaine Gabbert in the 2nd half. Probably would be an improvement, but not enough to pluck this scrappy Broncos team.

PICK: Buccaneers 18, Broncos 24

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Cowboys @ Seahawks (SEA -4.5)

The Cowboys needed a miracle combined with a classic Falcons collapse to beat a below average Atlanta team at home. Pretty sure Jerry Jones paid every member on the Falcons team $10 million dollars each to not fall on that ball. Russell Wilson doesn’t choke (or take bribes). Seahawks big. F*** Dallas.

PICK: Cowboys 16, Seahawks 42

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Packers @ Saints (NO -3.5)

It’s week 3 and the Packers are quietly demolishing teams with their dynamic duo of Aarons. I’ll never know which A is silent, but I do know that Aaron Rodgers and Aaron Jones do not get enough respect put on their name. However, they are still underdogs in this game (cue Rodgers sipping). Drew Brees looked pretty old without Michael Thomas to throw 5-yard slants too. I don’t expect him to play, and I expect GB to continue to roll.

PICK: Packers 31, Saints 28

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Chiefs @ Ravens (BAL -2.5)

In what could be the game of the year, the Chiefs head to Baltimore to take on the Ravens. Super Bowl MVP v. MVP, Madden 20 v. Madden 21, the list goes on and on. As an Eagles fan though, I’ll be more focused on the coaches. Jon Harbaugh was Andy Reid’s special teams coach back in Philly, and a game dominated by quarterback talk, I think the decisive play will be made on special teams. Justin Tucker proves he’s still the goat by winning the game on a 70-yard-field goal as time expires. Now that’s some drama.

PICK: Chiefs 38, Ravens 41