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Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Derek Whooley?

Since Lame Kiffin decided to leave my Alma Mater earlier this week, I have been hit with a variety of emotions. First I was surprised and thought that this couldn’t be true. Then I was angry when I thought about how much of a liar/cheat/dick he and Ed Ogeron were. And as I’ve seen our #3 recruiting class lose some/all of its best players, I became sad. (I might have been aroused in that time line as well).

With the hiring of Derek Dooley, the only emotion I could feel was confused. Sure, I had been on the message boards and seen his name pop up, but I never thought that Louisiana Tech’s coach would ever get this big if a promotion. It’s like an NCAA assistant coordinator becoming an NFL head coach or something. Some of you are laughing at that last joke, but as I am writing this I am noticing too many similarities between Dooley and Kiffin that I really don’t care for…

  1. Dooley is a good recruiter (ask Glenn Dorsey)
  2. He is coming from a losing program
  3. His dad is a legendary coach

It’s as if Mike Hamilton, UT’s athletic director, just got conned by a guy and then decided he likes his style (Not his fashion style, no one like’s Kiffin’s XXXL shirts). While the Dooley decision may have come from out of nowhere, at least Mike Hamilton didn’t pick any of these coaches…

Will Muschamp
Texas Defensive Coordinator and Head Coach-in-Waiting

Defensive Coordinator for 2003 LSU BCS Champions
Miami Dolphins Asst. Coach of Defense
Defensive Coordinator of Auburn’s 7th ranked NCAA Defense
Regarded as one of the best recruiters in the nation

Why Him?:
Incredible Recruiter and Loves the SEC

Fun Fact:
Reads Care Bears books to his kids nearly every night

Chris Petersen
Boise State Head Coach

Overall Coaching record of 49-4
Undefeated at home on the Blue Turf
Regarded as one of the best overall coaches in the nation

Why Him?:
Just look at that Resume

Fun Fact:
Has never gotten a ticket when pulled over

Jon Gruden
Monday Night Football Color Analyst

Super Bowl winning Head Coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Youngest coach to ever win a Super Bowl
Only NFL Coach to never have started for an NCAA football team

Why Him?:
Started Coaching career as a Graduate Asst. for the Vols

Fun Fact:
Appeared on People’s 50 most beautiful people in 2001

David Cutcliffe
Head Coach of the Duke Blue Devils

Ole Miss Head Coach for 6 years (only 1 losing season, his last)
Offensive Coordinator for Tennessee twice
Coached both Peyton and Eli Manning (Your welcome NFL)
Regarded as one of the best QB coaches in the nation

Why Him?:
Loved by Tennessee and Loved by Fulmer

Fun Fact:
Actually enjoys playing Farmville
Also the only coach on this list with a daughter

However, instead of getting one of these over qualified coaches that I just listed, the University of Tennessee decided to go with this guy…

Derek Dooley
University of Tennessee Head Coach

Head Coach and Athletic Director of the Louisiana Tech Bulldogs
17-20 Overall Record
Miami Dolphins and LSU Tight Ends Coach
That’s all

Why Him?:
Everyone else turned Tennessee down…

All joking aside, this guy is definitely starting to grow on me. He may not have the best coaching record and he has an accent that is more country than Deliverance, but hey, at least my team is still better than all of the other KB writer’s teams… SUCK IT!

2 thoughts on “Derek Whooley?

  • Avatar
    January 17, 2010 at 7:01 am

    seems irresponsible to not address that these coaches may have had no desire to coach there. sure, you reference it sarcastically in your Why Him?, but really the whole article is based on slamming MH on not picking someone else. At least choose willing candidates and analyze that.

  • Avatar
    January 19, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Another fun fact about John Gruden: He sleeps three hours a night.


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