Saturday, May 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

College Is Nothing But Artests and Quizzes

If you are a college student,
then you just found yourself a new favorite athlete.

• • •

Meet Ron Artest.

You can call him Ron Ron (because we know that you college students are in to nicknames).

We all know that Ron Ron likes to fight.

We all know that Ron Ron doesn’t like commitment. (Sorry, chicks.)

And now, thanks to the newest issue of The Sporting News (to hit newsstands tomorrow) we know that Ron Ron likes to PARTY!

But not only that, Ron Ron likes to party during games.

In an interview with The Sporting News, Ron Ron openly admitted to drinking in the locker room.

“I used to drink Hennessy … at halftime.”
“I [kept it] in my locker. I’d just walk to the liquor store and get it.”

At first read, this may sound surprising. But once you think about it, it all starts to make sense.

Think about it. What happens to people when they drink?

It all makes sense now.

In the article, Artest has admitted his wild ways and has claimed to tone it down recently. However he did say that he still likes to “party and I have fun.”

My name is Ron. And I like to party.

So whether or not you are in the market for a new favorite athlete and you are in college, Ron Artest is your new favorite athlete.

“When I was a 19-year-old father, whew. I was a single pimp! I was wild,” he told SN. “A lot of marijuana and alcohol — even before [that age]. … I [still] party and I have fun, but not like I used to. I used to drink every night and party every night.”

Ron Artest is quite possibly the definition of COLLEGE!


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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