For the first time ever, the World Cup will be entertaining the masses over the holidays. For the first time in 8 years, the United States Men’s National Team will be participating in the World Cup. Every time the competition comes around, I get super hyped for soccer. Look, I’m going to continue to call it “soccer” to avoid any confusion. I mean no offense. It’s just…most of us think of something different when we hear “football.” Why did I put “European Football” in the headline then, you may be wondering. I was being polite. I didn’t want to start this on the wrong foot. No pun intended. But, I digress…

It’s been 8 years since we’ve been able to root for our country in the FIFA World Cup. 8 long years since we all believed that we will win. We believed that they will win. Watching that team was exciting until the bitter bitter end against Belgium. For the first time since the last World Cup, I was interested in the sport. Like…real interested! I was watching all of the games, learning tactics, and finding out about individual players. 2014 was a nice introduction for me, as a sports fan to the game. My interest went further than just watching the games on TV, I started playing FIFA on Xbox, as well. Crazy fun game. Even for the casual fan. My interest in the sport was so high that if I were a more athletic person, I would have joined a local club. Soon after, my interest began to fade as it wasn’t on TV all the time. I got swept into other activities like work and failed relationships. It wasn’t long until soccer was a forgotten interest of mine. Football, baseball, and basketball were all able to fill the void. Then in 2018, the United States didn’t qualify for the World Cup. Ouch. I didn’t have as much interest in watching the games, er matches, sorry, without my team being involved. I paid next to no attention, and haven’t really since.

Now, with the World Cup coming back, and the United States Men’s Team playing in it, I’m ready to get interested and invested again. These games are going to be starting up in November meaning we will get matches on Thanksgiving Day and more. That’s going to be some quality couch time. It’ll be getting cold, soup or chili will be in the Crock Pot, and sports on TV. Mmm I can feel it now. However, this time around I want my interest to go beyond the World Cup. I want to still pay attention to the sport after the trophy is hoisted and everybody has left Qatar.

I always think it’s cool to see my friends and follows on Twitter rooting for some European professional team. I have friends cheering for Arsenal, some supporting Liverpool, Tottenham, Man U, Man City, PSG, Barcelona, Real Madrid, they seem to have a ton of teams covered. I always wonder how they became fans of these teams, with none being local ties or anything like that. I never ask because I feel like it could be a stupid question, and I don’t want to talk to people, so I leave it be. Now, I’m feeling vulnerable and ready to get real. I want to find a European team to root for, but I have no idea how to pick a team. Here are some ideas I had, while avoiding asking anyone how to go about picking a team. Maybe one of these will work? Is this how they pick their teams?

Watch Games And Find A Team I Like

Well, this seems obvious but is probably the best way to find a team to root for. A little bit of trial and error. I could buy the package on TV, I think NBC Sports has some sort of deal. I could wake up at 6am for the matches and find a team that excites me. Maybe one that plays the sort of game I like. Heavy on the offense, lots of finesse and flash? Who will show me that.

The problem with this? Ain’t nobody got. time for that! I’m the least patient person you will ever meet. I don’t want to do real research or put in a lot of effort in finding a team. Can’t there just be some sort of BuzzFeed Quiz to tell me what team I should root for? Oh, there is? I should try that, I suppose…

Find A Player You Like

This seems like a logical way to find a team. I can watch the World Cup, find a player I really like and then I will support the club they play for! Unfortunately, not a lot of US players play over in Europe for prominent teams. So, I’m sure I’ll be interested in Christian Pulisic, the current US star. That would make me a Chelsea fan. Okay, they are good and get international attention. Being a moderate fan of the sport, I’ve at least heard of them. I know they’ve won a championship recently. I could be on board for that.

The problem with picking a team based on a player, however, is that players can change teams…and often do. I don’t want to support a player, I want to support a team. I want a club I can get behind through thick and thin. So, I don’t think this theory will work for me. I’m sorry.

Pick Based On Kit Color

Not a bad idea. I have to imagine that this isn’t the way people pick their teams, as cute of an option as it may be. After a quick look through, I don’t love what I’m seeing. Pretty much anywhere. I guess Bournemouth has some pretty cool ones? Even that is a stretch. Why don’t they have cool looking jerseys? What are these half collar things? Half of the kits seem to resemble the attire of referees. Is that part of the strategy? Is that intentional? It has to be. Picking a favorite kit is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I don’t think this will be the way I pick my team.

Hit The Random Team Button On FIFA

Go into Exhibition Mode and hit the randomize team button three times (I think it’s X on Xbox?) then pick your team out of the three teams provided. A little randomness, a little control. Really would make things interesting. High risk, high reward. I could be into this. Better than the option of having to watch all the games…

Support A Friend And Ride With Their Team

This would be awesome, but I have to come clean about something. I know earlier I mentioned seeing my friends and follows Tweeting about teams that they support, but I wasn’t telling the full truth. It’s just my random follows and celebrities I see posting about their teams on social media. I don’t have any friends. There’s nobody I’m close with who I could ask if I could become their partner in rooting for Team X. I can’t just ask LeBron if I can join him in supporting Liverpool. We aren’t in touch any more. I suppose I could find a celebrity I like and then support the team they support? That’s kind of the same thing. Okay, now who’s a celebrity that I like…hmm…shoot. Okay maybe this isn’t the best option for someone who doesn’t like most people. Does Larry David root for a team? No, but I guess there is a coach out there who resembles the comedian?

So, even if all of my favorite celebs aren’t interested in the sport, I’m sure there are some out there who I can tolerate or pretend to be interested in enough to side with. Snoop supports Burnley. That seems oddly fitting, cannot be a coincidence. Margot Robbie is a Fulham fan. She looks good in their colors. Adele roots for Tottenham Hotspur, so does Adam Richman from Man v Food. The late great Kobe Bryant was a Barcelona fan. America’s favorite man Tom Hanks cheers for Aston Villa. Idriss Elba is an Arsenal guy. Funny man Will Ferrell is very into Chelsea. Hey remember Craig David? The crooner roots for Southhampton 7 Days a week! These are interesting little random facts, but I don’t feel a pull towards any specific team because of this.

Location, Location, Location

Since Detroit doesn’t have its own team, due to being in the wrong continent, I can’t pick a team based on where I grew up. There are no local connections for me. Mayhaps I can find a connection another way? I visited London before, do they have a team? Yeah, only like 15 of them. That doesn’t help. I don’t have close family in any European city. My ancestors come from Ireland and Sweden for the most part, so my genes are no help in picking a team. Thanks Great-Greats! Amsterdam was a fun city I enjoyed visiting. Maybe I could be an Ajax fan? Ugh. People will just think I’m talking about the cleaning product. That won’t work. I don’t see this working for me.

I feel like I’ve gone through all options at this point. I guess I finally have to ask…how did you pick your team? What am I supposed to do? Pitch me to join your team on Twitter, I need as much help as I can get. Only about a month until the FIFA World Cup in Qatar. I believe that we will win.

The post I Want To Get Into European “Football” But Don’t Know How To Pick A Team appeared first on Korked Bats.

Every now and then, a star will rise to instant popularity, a soccer analyst will make picks against all odds and get them right, and a lovable mollusc will have a leg (or eight) up on everyone else in the sports world.

However, as some jerk once said, all great things must come to an end.

That is where we stand right now with Paul The Octopus, the octopus game winner picker from the World Cup this past summer. Yesterday, in the early morning hours, Paul passed away in his sleep at the very young age of two.

Paul was unmarried due to the fact that he didn’t get out much. On most nights you would see him hanging around his aquarium, a lot of times clinging to the back glass. While hanging in his aquarium you would often see Paul reading up on soccer to stay fresh in case he was ever asked to pick a winner again.

In the later year of his life, Paul started to pick up college football. He really hopped on the Ole Miss bandwagon and is rumored to have started the Admiral Ackbar for mascot campaign since Ackbar is of the squid family. When that got denied, Ole Miss narrowed the selection down to the Rebel Black Bear, the Hotty Toddy, and the Rebel Land Shark. I’m sure you can guess which one Paul voted for.

College football and international soccer is about as far Paul went with his sports love. He actually hates the sport of hockey. In an interview earlier in his life, he was asked why he had such an out spoken hatred for hockey. He answered, “Over my life, I have lost so many of my family members to Detroit Red Wings goals. I just can’t stand to watch the sport anymore. It’s the same reason why alligators don’t watch Lake Placid. Not because it’s an absolutely terrible movie, but because, spoiler warning, they kill the giant alligator in the end.”

A memorial will be held today for Paul. He will be remembered through video clips of him picking World Cup winners and coloring book pages. It will be an open casket funeral. Shortly following the funeral, Paul’s body will be used for a nice seafood souffle dinner at an undisclosed German restaurant.

Paul, I think it’s safe to say that we will never again have a World Cup game winner picker octopus just like you. Enjoy that giant fish bowl in the sky while we enjoy you for dinner.

Paul The Octopus

Reportedly Hatched January 2008 – October 26th, 2010

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Bad news, folks. My sources are telling me that somehow, against all odds, America did not win the World Cup. I didn’t actually watch–I was probably busy “icing my bros” somewhere or ordering a new Ed Hardy shirt online or something less gay–but apparently a country called Spain beat something called The Netherlands yesterday to win the World Cup, and the US wasn’t even involved. After looking through pictures and scouring the Internets, my conclusion is that it’s true. العب روليت The US did not win their 50th straight World Cup, or whatever.

This puts me in a real downer of a mood. استراتيجيات الروليت How can I write a positive World Cup wrap-up with that idea needling my brain? Well the short answer is that I can’t, meaning that a negative World Cup wrap-up is in order.

But, well, let’s be fair. I’m not a negative person. Can we compromise? Yes, yes we can.

So, I present the 10 Losers of the World Cup That Actually Won. That is to say, the 10 players that aren’t on Spain–and thus did not win, so are, by definition, losers–that won the most in this World Cup.

10. Wesley Sneijder — The Netherlands

These first two are kind of the odd men in the bunch. The argument could easily be made the Sneijder was the best player in the tournament, but how do you improve your stock when you were just (arguably) the best player and (not-arguably) the lynchpin on the club that won both it’s domestic cup AND the Champion’s League, as Sneijder just was for Inter Milan? It’s rumored that he’s on his way to Manchester United, but that was a move that would’ve likely played out whether he had lit up the World Cup or Christiano Ronaldoed it. So he goes at the bottom of the list not because he was a lesser player than those that follow, but because those that follow had a lot more to gain from the World Cup.

9. Diego Forlán — Uruguay

Forlan was outrageous, no denying it. But, like Sneijder, he didn’t have as much to gain from this tournament as the up-and-comers given that, at 31 years old, Forlan has already enjoyed a great club career, including a stint at Manchester United and several magical years at a few of La Liga’s top clubs, Atletico Madrid and Villareal, where he combined to win two European Golden Boot awards. So his winningness wasn’t so much about improving his status at the club level as much as improving his career legacy and international acclaim. But if those things–legacy and international acclaim–are the currency of the World Cup, he got, like, a zillion moneys, and put together a World Cup performance for the generations.

8. Giovani Dos Santos — Mexico

I’m sure this wasn’t quite the breakout tournament that both Mexico and Dos Santos had envisioned, as Dos Santos failed to record so much as one goal or one assist in Mexico’s four games. He did, however, showcase his immense talents on the world stage, and they are undeniable. He was also, of course, one of three finalists for the FIFA young player of the tournament award, meaning people that know more about soccer than I do thought he impressed. So there’s that, I guess.

7. Michael Bradley — United States

It could be argued that Bradley wasn’t even the US’s winningest loser, as Landon Donovan has been linked in permanent transfer rumors to top EPL teams Manchester City, Everton and Chelsea, and goalkeeper Tim Howard came to be revered by some as one of the world’s five best keepers. Both, however, already had high profiles internationally, and neither had more to gain than Bradley. Just do a quick Google News search of Michael+Bradley+transfer and you’ll get hordes of fresh stories from multiple reputable sources that link Bradley, who currently plays for a smallish Bundesliga team that I can’t spell, to Blackpool (snooze), Tottenham (hmmm) and Everton (booya!). His strength and composure on the ball behind the attack would translate well to the EPL and, at 22, he’s improving at a jolting clip. Very attractive. I’ll stop my Bradley gushing here for the sake of space, but I’ll add that we’d might as well get used to the idea that Bradley will be our best player by 2012, if not sooner.

6. Keisuke Honda — Japan

Honda was already a very good player on a solid European club, CSKA Moscow, going into the Cup. After his terrific–and occasionally magical–play in the tournament, though, a move to one of Europe’s top teams is imminent as Chelsea, Manchester United and AC Milan are all lining up with interest in acquiring his services. With all of these top clubs calling, would it be too much to ask for a Japanese equivalent of “The Decision”? Better question: is there any other network in the world that would be as laudable as ESPN and run such wretch? Good God. North Korean television thinks ESPN is unethical.

5. André Ayew — Ghana

After three middling seasons at Marsielle in France–two of which were spent on loan–the World Cup might have been what Ayew, a 20-year old French-Ghanian, needed to gain some notoriety and consistency at the club level with a transfer likely coming. Ayew was sparkling for his international side that was one handball away from the semifinals. He will particularly be remembered in the States as the man that set up Asamoah Gyan’s go-ahead goal in extra time of the US-Ghana round of 16 match. While he’s far from a finished product, Ayew showcased enough creativity this last month to entice a large club, perhaps Bayern Munich, to purchase his services for the future.

4. Luis Suarez — Uruguay

It’s unfair that history will remember Suarez’s 2010 World Cup for one play–crapping on Africa’s heart with his handball on the goal line in stoppage time against Ghana–because he did far more than drive the final stake in the proverbial heart of the host continent. Forlan may’ve made headlines as the man that carried Uruguay to a fourth place finish, but none of it would’ve happened without Suarez’s stellar play throughout and, yes, his fortuitous handball. Following his exceptional club season at Ajax (where he lead the Dutch league in goals) with a stand-outish World Cup means large dividends for the 23-year old, who will likely find himself at either Chelsea or Manchester United in the near future. قواعد لعبة الروليت

3. Mesut Ozil — Germany

You say he looks like a bug, I say he looks like an alien, whatever. Ozil’s age (21) and brilliance this past month (one goal, three assists for the second runner up) look to spring Ozil from promising youngster to needed commodity. The attack-minded Werder Bremen midfielder figures to get about a bazillion offers in the 12 months leading up to the end of his contract and he can largely thank the exposure gained at the World Cup for each one.

2. Asamoah Gyan — Ghana

Like Suarez, Gyan’s 2010 Cup will unfairly be remembered for one moment. In Gyan’s case, it’ll be biffing the penalty created by Suarez’s villainous handball, knowing that a converted penalty would’ve effectively placed Ghana in the semifinals. I could care less. I was able to catch every Ghana game, and Gyan was–in my ding dong opinion–the second-best young player in this tournament. He was on an island as Ghana’s only striker throughout and created dangerous situation after dangerous situation. In the States, he’ll be more remembered for the defense-splitting, Howard-owning, go-ahead goal that knocked the US out of the tournament, and I think that’s fair. Missed penalty with an entire continent baring down on him be damned. He was great, and looks for all the world to be on his way to Liverpool.

1. Thomas Muller — Germany

Honestly, what can you say? The Golden Boot winner, only 20 years old, saw his international reputation go from “that young German striker that played pretty well for Bayern Munich this year” to “Jeeeeze. Say hello to the world’s next great striker,” or something to that effect. Sure he might have benefitted from a wide-open German attack, but sometimes fortune is fair and sometimes it isn’t. Maybe his high goal-and-assist tally involved some luck, but the end result is all most will see and remember, and it was sterling. As for now, the sky is the limit. Your move, Thomas.

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Sepp Blatter, President of Earth FIFA said in a recent email interview that he doesn’t “see the particular ways that computers could imnprove everyday life, let alone in soccer.”

and Without interjecting too much of my onw personal opinion, I completely agree. I try to keep my use of computertr assistance to a minimum, simply because its not needed. I wrote this entire post (comic) sans the use of that pesky spellcheck. I don’t need litttle red lines to tell me what to do, just like FIFA referes dont need computerised lines to tell them what a goal is. So before you go claiming simple computer assistants could fix easy problems, think again. FIFA has it right, humans rarely make notisable error.

Fight on, FIFA.

-Kyle

The post FIFA Refuses To Utilize Instant Replay. Nice. appeared first on Korked Bats.

Dear Landon Donovan-

I just wanted to thank you for what you have done today. I wanted to thank you for your game winning goal against Algeria this morning. You single handedly brought hope back into this country for American soccer.. Errr, sorry, Fútbol. I know, I’ll get that someday! LOL! :)

America needed something like this. With all that oil spilling in the gulf, with the poor economy we’re stuck in, and with the release of Miley Cyrus’ new CD, America is just not looking too good right now. But you helped us forget all about that. You helped us rally behind each other to support our country in something we know we shouldn’t be good at, but what the heck we’re gonna try anyways, because we’re America!

You are currently raising the popularity of soccer, errr, fútbol, (see there I go again! ROFL!) all around our great country. People all around the country are actually utilizing soccer fields that haven’t been used since… Well… Four years ago during the last World Cup. World Cup fever is rising, while obesity is declining. Well, at least until about ten minutes after they start playing soccer, realize it’s hard and too much running and then run to Burger King. But it’s a start.

I also want to thank you for looking like a young Dave Matthews. I have always wondered what he looked like when he was a teenager. And your boyish looks have helped me find my answer. JK! But seriously.

Once again, thank you Landon Donovan. You brought us from thinking we were going to be eliminated from the World Cup to winning our Group in one swing of the foot. It was truly incredible and will be remembered forever. Thank you.

And before I forget, just a side note, thank you for taking away all the national attention from the fact that I got indicted on rape charges today. I appreciate it! TTYL!

Yours Truly,

Lawrence Taylor

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At this point, the only thing we know about Group C is that Algeria can’t win the group. However, Algeria can still advance, and the other three teams, England, U.S. and Slovenia, can all win the group still. But, as this is Amurika, and as we really only care about our own well being, let’s take a look at the possible scenarios for our skin-headed heroes as they prepare for their final group match against their curiously-headed opponents, Algeria, on Wednesday.

The Worst-Case Scenario: This one is rather straight-forward. If Donovan and company fall at the feet of the world’s 30th-best team, then not only won’t they advance, but they don’t deserve to advance. Algeria is the worst team in the group and shouldn’t be able to hang with an American side playing capably. In the slightly modified words of Aziz Ansari; “Losing to the 30th-ranked team in the world with your World Cup on the line? That’s like losing to the 30th-ranked team in the world with your World Cup on the line!”

The Maddening Scenario: As Algeria demonstrated Friday against England, they’re capable of hanging with a better team that plays with the teeth of a guppy. If the U.S. play like their big brothers across the pond Wednesday and tie Algeria, they can fail to advance if England can beat Slovenia, or if England and Slovenia have a high-scoring tie and England end up with more total goals than the U.S. If this plays out, expect Koman Coulibaly to be knighted by Queen Elizabeth. And then murdered by an American bookie.

The Always Expected Scenario: For the Yanks, it’s straightforward enough for even the most xenophobic Americans to understand: win and advance. There are a few scenarios, however, in which the Americans could win their match against Algeria and finish second in the group. First, if Slovenia can find a way to get a win versus England–which doesn’t seem that cool anymore given England’s play–they will win the group outright. If England and Slovenia tie, and Slovenia have an equal goal differential with more total goals, they still win the group. And finally, if England beats Slovenia and finish with a better goal differential/more total goals, those smarmy bastards will snake their way into the group’s top seed, at which point we can all feel free to drink room-temperature beer and vomit.

The Suck-It England Scenario: If you had told me at about 9:45 a.m. CT on Friday that the U.S. would be headed into the Algeria match with a great chance to win the group, your sanity would’ve been questioned after I had punched you for talking to me while the U.S. was apparently tanking. But this is the wacky world we live in! So it comes down to this: there are two ways for the United States to win Group C, both of which would take the requisite win over Algeria. First, if England and Slovenia tie, the U.S. would win the group with better goal differential/total goals than Slovenia, which would be a double win for the U.S.: winning Group C AND doing so with England going back to the United Kingdom of England-Great Britain. They could also win the group with an England win over Slovenia and a higher goal differential/total goals than the Brits. In which case the English can drink a Budweiser and pout over it’s utter lack of sophistication.

Thumbnail image courtesy of usaplayers.com

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After the ratings score that was the U.S. v. England World Cup soccer match last Saturday, many casual soccer fans are finding it difficult to discuss the game in much detail with their coworkers, due in major part to a lack of understanding of the players, their names, or even most of the rules. It seems as though most American’s are simply applying American stereotypes to this, the world’s sport.

Edgar Crall, the manager at Pup n’ Suds, a local pet bathing company in Southern California, was recently overheard trying to recap the games exciting moments:

“And that tall white English player foot-hit the ball and juked around our blac-… um… our tall defenser with a beard, and then our goalie fell down but the ball was kicked by him. It was amazing. And I thought there really should have been a yellow foul at the end of the first quarter, in those extra minutes that don’t really kind of exist, because, um, that guy for England, the fast bla-… um, bald guy, totally fell towards our guy with the long hair…”

Cassie Serhoof and Adam Kennedy both nodded their heads and agreed, Adam even remarking that, “that game was off the chain. England’s goalie was all like ‘whaaaaa?!'”

After a further discussion, all three parties involved agreed that whatever team had the most, “um… how do we say… fast,” players would probably come out on top. When asked about specific styles of play, Crall responded that the “[Germans] were probably very strict and structured, the the French would just run away from the ball and the problems it brought, and the Mexican team seemed to play cheap, at least (he coughed) cheaper than American’s would like, especially without permission.”

The post Casual Soccer Fan Finds Difficulty Describing Game in Detail appeared first on Korked Bats.

*Self-created nickname. Self-created position.

To get you ready for the match, I’m finishing up the profiles of a different player on England’s roster each day leading up to the not-friendly tomorrow in Rustenburg. I hope that they’ve been informational, but–most of all–I just hope they were full of mean-spirited jokes because I’m racist toward the English.

Now, fancy some football? (That’s British for “We don’t even like soccer in this country.” Or something like that.)

Frank Lampard

Bio blast: Let’s time travel! I want you to put on your boots and travel coat and go back to September of 2001 with me. September 12, to be exact. Chelsea’s game had been cancelled out of respect for the horrific events that had transpired the previous day in the United States.

Naturally, a few Chelsea players, Lampard among them, took this day off to go get absolutely hammered drunk instead of, you know, maybe taking some time to reflect on what just happened across the pond, or perhaps spending some time with their families. Naw, let’s get neckered!

Lampard and friends made their, drunken, vomiting, naked way over to Heathrow Hotel, where they proceeded to (emotionally) crap on the Americans stranded there as all flight traffic in and out of the United States was closed off. Seems like a bit of an odd way to say “Sorry about your loss.” Now, I’m sure Mr. طريقة لعبة القمار Lampard has grown up a lot since then, but, good God, it takes a special kind of human being to do that. موقع رهان كرة القدم

On the pitch (that means field): Simply put, Lampy is one of the most decorated English midfielders of his generation. A nine-year Chelsea man, Lampard plays box-to-box, though he can move up to more of an attacking role. He’s most effective though, when he can sit behind the offense and distribute the ball, as well as take advantage of the rocket blast that is his right foot.

Take that back. I should say he’s most effective getting naked and puking on players on the pitch that appear to be seriously injured.

Wikipedia fact: Lampard released an autobiography in 2006 called “Totally Frank.” I would make a joke about that, but, sadly, it’ not even the worst Frank-pun on this site.

Read Wednesday’s post, about England’s coach Fabio Capello, here.

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Well folks, the World Cup is upon us. Mexico opened with a 2-1 defeat of host South Africa this mor…what’s that? Oh, yeah. That whole offsides thing. Anyway, the World Cup has started and, yes, well, the refs cost Mexico big time but the best sports tournament in the world is about to dominate your month. Allow me to prepare you with a few Friday Funs that will get your feet excited for footie!

First, take in the best goals of the ’06 Cup. Feel free to throw batteries at your computer screen when you the the UK’s Steven Gerrard. He’s going down tomorrow.

And, to get you familiarized with the culture in South Africa, laugh really hard at this restaurant ad.

The post Friday Fun – World Cup Edition appeared first on Korked Bats.

*Self-created nickname. Self-created position.

To get you ready for the match, I’m going to profile a different player (or manager!) on England’s roster each day leading up to the not-friendly on June 12 in Rustenburg. I hope that they will be informational, but–most of all–they’ll likely just be full of mean-spirited jokes because I’m racist toward the English.

Now, la vettura dell’Inghilterra è italiana. (That’s Italian for “England’s coach is Italian.” I think.)

Fabio Capello

Bio blast: You may’ve seen the name above and been a little shocked that Fabio is a decidedly not-English name. That’s because, in a sellout of Green Day-like proportions, the British have turned to an Italian in hopes of winning a World Cup Final. Because nothing screams “British pride!” like paying a leathery-looking Italian man 6 million pounds to try to end forty years of embarrassment!

Anyway, Fabio made news recently when he announced that cameras have been installed in the hotel rooms of the players of a different national origin than him that he is being paid a lot of foreign currency to manage despite the fact that it could ultimately mean coaching against his own country. The cameras allow Capello to spy on his players–presumably from his own hotel room, in his Speedo–so that they don’t get distracted by WAGs or other women during the tournament which, as we’ve learned, is a bit of an issue for a few English players. And also, as we know, Fabio isn’t the type to be enticed by the fairer sex, so he’s totally in a position to pull a stunt like this.

On the pitch (that means field): Capello is off to a scintillating 18-2-4 (win-draw-loss) record for the English side, and he lead his adopted country through one of its most impressive World Cup qualifying trips in history. As evidenced by that whole spying thing, Capello takes a no-nonsense approach to coaching. He loves the X’s and O’s and demands discipline from his players on the pitch.

It’s a system that has allowed Capello a very decorated coaching career, as he has won a domestic league title with all four European clubs he’s coached, seven titles in all.

The sum of these parts gives Capello a decided tactical advantage over his American counterpart, Bob Bradley, though I’d say the fact that no pictures of Bradley in a Speedo exist make this a bit of a wash. USA! USA!

Wikipedia fact: Capello is one of Italy’s most visible art collectors, as his collection is worth an estimated 17 million euros. Though, for the right price, he’d give it all up to manage a Nickelback tour.

Read about yesterday’s British soccer player, John Terry, here.

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