Thursday, April 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Casual Soccer Fan Finds Difficulty Describing Game in Detail

After the ratings score that was the U.S. v. England World Cup soccer match last Saturday, many casual soccer fans are finding it difficult to discuss the game in much detail with their coworkers, due in major part to a lack of understanding of the players, their names, or even most of the rules. It seems as though most American’s are simply applying American stereotypes to this, the world’s sport.

Edgar Crall, the manager at Pup n’ Suds, a local pet bathing company in Southern California, was recently overheard trying to recap the games exciting moments:

“And that tall white English player foot-hit the ball and juked around our blac-… um… our tall defenser with a beard, and then our goalie fell down but the ball was kicked by him. It was amazing. And I thought there really should have been a yellow foul at the end of the first quarter, in those extra minutes that don’t really kind of exist, because, um, that guy for England, the fast bla-… um, bald guy, totally fell towards our guy with the long hair…”

Cassie Serhoof and Adam Kennedy both nodded their heads and agreed, Adam even remarking that, “that game was off the chain. England’s goalie was all like ‘whaaaaa?!'”

After a further discussion, all three parties involved agreed that whatever team had the most, “um… how do we say… fast,” players would probably come out on top. When asked about specific styles of play, Crall responded that the “[Germans] were probably very strict and structured, the the French would just run away from the ball and the problems it brought, and the Mexican team seemed to play cheap, at least (he coughed) cheaper than American’s would like, especially without permission.”


Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.


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