Every now and then, a star will rise to instant popularity, a soccer analyst will make picks against all odds and get them right, and a lovable mollusc will have a leg (or eight) up on everyone else in the sports world.
However, as some jerk once said, all great things must come to an end.
That is where we stand right now with Paul The Octopus, the octopus game winner picker from the World Cup this past summer. Yesterday, in the early morning hours, Paul passed away in his sleep at the very young age of two.
Paul was unmarried due to the fact that he didn’t get out much. On most nights you would see him hanging around his aquarium, a lot of times clinging to the back glass. While hanging in his aquarium you would often see Paul reading up on soccer to stay fresh in case he was ever asked to pick a winner again.
In the later year of his life, Paul started to pick up college football. He really hopped on the Ole Miss bandwagon and is rumored to have started the Admiral Ackbar for mascot campaign since Ackbar is of the squid family. When that got denied, Ole Miss narrowed the selection down to the Rebel Black Bear, the Hotty Toddy, and the Rebel Land Shark. I’m sure you can guess which one Paul voted for.
College football and international soccer is about as far Paul went with his sports love. He actually hates the sport of hockey. In an interview earlier in his life, he was asked why he had such an out spoken hatred for hockey. He answered, “Over my life, I have lost so many of my family members to Detroit Red Wings goals. I just can’t stand to watch the sport anymore. It’s the same reason why alligators don’t watch Lake Placid. Not because it’s an absolutely terrible movie, but because, spoiler warning, they kill the giant alligator in the end.”
A memorial will be held today for Paul. He will be remembered through video clips of him picking World Cup winners and coloring book pages. It will be an open casket funeral. Shortly following the funeral, Paul’s body will be used for a nice seafood souffle dinner at an undisclosed German restaurant.
Paul, I think it’s safe to say that we will never again have a World Cup game winner picker octopus just like you. Enjoy that giant fish bowl in the sky while we enjoy you for dinner.
Paul The Octopus
Reportedly Hatched January 2008 – October 26th, 2010