Profiling Thy Enemy, 6/9: Fabio Capello

Hello from Korked Bats’ Soccer Czar*! For those of you not counting down the days–AKA those of you totally, just like, way less cool than me, and stuff–we are exactly three days away from the race-driven World Cup opener for the United States and their enemies across the pond.

*Self-created nickname. Self-created position.

To get you ready for the match, I’m going to profile a different player (or manager!) on England’s roster each day leading up to the not-friendly on June 12 in Rustenburg. I hope that they will be informational, but–most of all–they’ll likely just be full of mean-spirited jokes because I’m racist toward the English.

Now, la vettura dell’Inghilterra è italiana. (That’s Italian for “England’s coach is Italian.” I think.)

Fabio Capello


Bio blast: You may’ve seen the name above and been a little shocked that Fabio is a decidedly not-English name. That’s because, in a sellout of Green Day-like proportions, the British have turned to an Italian in hopes of winning a World Cup Final. Because nothing screams “British pride!” like paying a leathery-looking Italian man 6 million pounds to try to end forty years of embarrassment!

Anyway, Fabio made news recently when he announced that cameras have been installed in the hotel rooms of the players of a different national origin than him that he is being paid a lot of foreign currency to manage despite the fact that it could ultimately mean coaching against his own country. The cameras allow Capello to spy on his players–presumably from his own hotel room, in his Speedo–so that they don’t get distracted by WAGs or other women during the tournament which, as we’ve learned, is a bit of an issue for a few English players. And also, as we know, Fabio isn’t the type to be enticed by the fairer sex, so he’s totally in a position to pull a stunt like this.

On the pitch (that means field): Capello is off to a scintillating 18-2-4 (win-draw-loss) record for the English side, and he lead his adopted country through one of its most impressive World Cup qualifying trips in history. As evidenced by that whole spying thing, Capello takes a no-nonsense approach to coaching. He loves the X’s and O’s and demands discipline from his players on the pitch.

It’s a system that has allowed Capello a very decorated coaching career, as he has won a domestic league title with all four European clubs he’s coached, seven titles in all.

The sum of these parts gives Capello a decided tactical advantage over his American counterpart, Bob Bradley, though I’d say the fact that no pictures of Bradley in a Speedo exist make this a bit of a wash. USA! USA!

Wikipedia fact: Capello is one of Italy’s most visible art collectors, as his collection is worth an estimated 17 million euros. Though, for the right price, he’d give it all up to manage a Nickelback tour.

Read about yesterday’s British soccer player, John Terry, here.

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