Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Dear Landon Donovan

Dear Landon Donovan-

I just wanted to thank you for what you have done today. I wanted to thank you for your game winning goal against Algeria this morning. You single handedly brought hope back into this country for American soccer.. Errr, sorry, Fútbol. I know, I’ll get that someday! LOL! :)

America needed something like this. With all that oil spilling in the gulf, with the poor economy we’re stuck in, and with the release of Miley Cyrus’ new CD, America is just not looking too good right now. But you helped us forget all about that. You helped us rally behind each other to support our country in something we know we shouldn’t be good at, but what the heck we’re gonna try anyways, because we’re America!

You are currently raising the popularity of soccer, errr, fútbol, (see there I go again! ROFL!) all around our great country. People all around the country are actually utilizing soccer fields that haven’t been used since… Well… Four years ago during the last World Cup. World Cup fever is rising, while obesity is declining. Well, at least until about ten minutes after they start playing soccer, realize it’s hard and too much running and then run to Burger King. But it’s a start.

I also want to thank you for looking like a young Dave Matthews. I have always wondered what he looked like when he was a teenager. And your boyish looks have helped me find my answer. JK! But seriously.

Once again, thank you Landon Donovan. You brought us from thinking we were going to be eliminated from the World Cup to winning our Group in one swing of the foot. It was truly incredible and will be remembered forever. Thank you.

And before I forget, just a side note, thank you for taking away all the national attention from the fact that I got indicted on rape charges today. I appreciate it! TTYL!

Yours Truly,

Lawrence Taylor


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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