After finishing the season 2-14 and securing the #2 overall pick in the 2015 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans are just glad that anyone on their team is getting recognized for anything. “Frankly, we’re thrilled to actually have a Pro Bowler,” Titans GM Ruston Webster said. “We had no idea people even knew any of the players on our roster.”

Webster continued, “After the season we’ve had, we would’ve just accepted free tickets to the game or a Pro Bowl pennant or something. But having one of our players play in the game?!”

The Pro Bowl officials later clarified that no one said anything about a Titans player playing in the game. He was just voted onto the roster. Since he’s a Tennessee Titan, he’ll probably ride the bench the while game. Although, the fact that he’s a Titan doesn’t negate that fact that he’s had a great season. “It’s hard to argue voting Madden’s Mini Linebacker into the Pro Bowl,” Titans head coach Ken Whisenhunt said. “He put up video game-like numbers this year.”

Madden’s Mini Linebacker is the second Titans Pro Bowler in as many years and is the second shortest Pro Bowler this season, behind only the Eagles’ Darren Sproles.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

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The post Madden’s Mini Linebacker Named Titans’ Only Pro Bowler appeared first on Korked Bats.

KANSAS CITY —

For the first time since probably the Lincoln administration, the Kansas City Royals are in 1st place in their division in the month of August. So Royals fans are now celebrating as if Tech N9ne just released a new album or something.

“I thought the season ended in May,” diehard Royals fan Doug Walters said. “When I would see a baseball game in June, I just assumed it was the World Series.”

Royals ace pitcher James Shields has already been given the nickname Mr. August for his stellar play in what Royals fans are just assuming are the playoffs.

In Kansas City, residents usually use the summer to prepare for the let down of football season. Plus, by June, Sporting KC’s season is already in full swing and barbecue season kicks off in early July. Yes, barbecue is considered a sport in Kansas City. So baseball is never really a summer activity for the city.

Even Royals organist Sam Beckett was unsure what comes next for the organization. “They usually let me take the second half of the season off. In fact, they turn off the outfield fountains in May too, just to save money on the water bill,” Beckett said. “But as for the schedule… I guess the team just keeps playing forever? Is that how the playoffs work?”

The Royals front office announced plans to get a pennant made for this memorable season and get each player a ring, or at very least a certificate of participation.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Royals Fans Excited To Learn Baseball Season Is Still Going On appeared first on Korked Bats.

So we shouldn’t be critical of his decision to change his name. Again.

Metta recently announced that he is changing his name to Panda Friend. Upon initial thoughts, this name sounds like the name of a low budget children’s anime cartoon. “Yeah, my kids are really into this show on Nick Jr. called Panda Friend. They can’t get enough of it.” Or even the name sounds like a job title at a zoo. “I just got hired on to be the newest Panda Friend at the New York Zoo. I work primarily in the panda cage. My job duties include feeding, nurturing, and holding the panda’s hair out of the toilet when they’re drunk. I’m a true Panda Friend.”

I even wonder if Metta eventually has plans to change his name to Panda Something More Than Friends, but it’s just too soon at this point. I mean, it’s not even Facebook official yet. Seriously, his Facebook page is still Metta World Peace. Honestly, I’m suddenly becoming intrigued by this relationship with Metta and said panda.

Although it may seem like it, Metta World Peace didn’t just come up with Panda Friend while eating at a popular Chinese buffet with his buddy. No. He had an entire list that he was considering of changing his name to before doing so.

And of course, like the great journalistic news (read: satire) website we are, we obtained that list and are ready to publish it.

So here are other names that Metta World Peace considered:

• Raven Thunder
• Speeding Box Truck
• Juvenile Delinquent’s Wish
• Insert Caption Here
• Formula Maneuver
• Blog
• Eddie Franklin
• Hovercraft Smile
• Pencil Sharpener
• Downstairs Attic
• Quality Penguin Game
• Dr. Medical Doctor, M.D.
• Friendship Bracelet Maker
• Matt Damon
• Zzzzzzzzzipper
• Sofa
• Bagel Slide
• John Doe A Deer A Female Deer
• John Deere
• Chocolate Cave Runner
• Hopscotch Rifle
• Sisqo 2
• Civil Love Not Civil War
• @JustinBieber
• Gravy Hamper
• Forced Until When
• Juanny Football
• Rake Leaves
• Octopus Bread
• York Peppermint Patrick
• Taco Food Truck Driver
• T-1000
• Trail Through The Enchanted Forest
• Savory Bobsled
• Cuba Gooding Sr.
• Brave Ironing Board
• Water Over The Bridge
• The Monopoly Guy
• Grocery Foot
• Unpleasant Experience At Costco
• Photo Booth Flash
• Or Maybe Not
• Gingivitis Prevention
• Rebate Debate
• Poodle Party
• Gary Glitter Fan
• Terry Francona’s Wife’s Purse
• Annoying Captcha Code
• Protective Eye Wear
• Snorkel Pantry
• Social Experiment
• Jim Porter
• Ronald Sterling
• Store Brand
• Cereal Killer
• Fred Couples
• Portable Taxi
• British Umbrella Power
• Clyde
• Voice Activated Garage
• Oil Dancer
• Vegetable Connoisseur
• High End Socks
• Spin Doctors’ Discography
• NBA Free Agent
• Ryan Seacrest

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Other Names Metta World Peace Considered appeared first on Korked Bats.

The post 25 Things To Do Now That The NFL Is Over appeared first on Korked Bats.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Bowl Game Pick-Up Lines appeared first on Korked Bats.

The news of the court venue was announced earlier today after MLB Commissioner Bud Selig tweeted, “…everybody set your dvr’s yo! I’m gonna be on Judge Judy!”

Executive VP of Baseball Operations Joe Torre stated that the choice of judge and venue was all Rodriguez’s. “Alex informed us that he wanted the trial on TV so everyone can see the truth. But we think it’s because it’s Alex’s favorite show.”

Rodriguez, during a press conference outside Yankee Stadium stated that his intention is to be heard by those who need to hear the truth. “I just know that there are those out there who aren’t being given the right information about me or my case, and this is the only way to get it out there in an unbiased forum.”

When told of Rodriguez’s statement, Torre added, “Apparently those people who aren’t being given the right info in Alex’s eyes are housewives and shut-ins. Either way, it’s a chance for us to bury this case and for me to meet Judge Judy, I’m a big fan myself.”

“Plus, whatever happened to the idea of having three strikes?” Rodriguez added. “If anyone knows how many times it takes to strikeout, it’s me. MLB is unfairly trying to strike me out from the game.”

MLB is fairly certain no matter who is the judge, the courts will side with them, as Alex Rodriguez never has success in October.

The episode of Judge Judy, which is already being billed as a special 1 hour case, will air roughly 2 months after the case is brought to court, which has yet to be determined at this time.

• • •

This post was created by Joe. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @JoeShowShow

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post A-Rod v. MLB Trial To Be Heard By Judge Judy appeared first on Korked Bats.

This was from 1978 during an intense match of Atari Football.  There was not a formal winner because the game was cut short when their mother turned the TV off until both their rooms were “spotless”.

• • •

This post was created by Chris. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @ChrisTrauma

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The post The Original Harbowl appeared first on Korked Bats.

Dirk’s Dramatic Reading:

We have no words for this video. No. Words.

• • •

CPR Done The Right Way:

Any time you can get a tough-guy to promote CPR, it’s going to be good. But toss in a British accent, and it’s a game-changer. There is ZERO excuse for people in the UK to not know CPR now. You hear me Brits!? NO EXCUSE!

• • •

Amputee Football:

No jokes here, this is just incredible to watch (and worth sharing).

Christmas Flash Mob:

I love Christmas. And I love flash mobs. And I love food courts. No other explanation necessary.

• • •

A Less Exciting Christmas Flash Mob:

Old people try so hard to remain hip. And by hip, I mean broken hip.

• • •

Pulling a tooth using a Nerf Gun:

Whenever you ask the question “is this going to hurt?” and the response you hear after is “I guess you’ll have to tell me afterwards,” you know it’s going to be a good video.

The post Friday Fun appeared first on Korked Bats.

Kevin: Philadelphia Eagles 27 • Buffalo Bills 23

People started buying the Bills as a legit team and then of course they lose to the Bengals. Does anyone really believe the Eagles are going to be 1-4 at the end of this week?

Kyle: Eagles 31 – Bills 20: Eagles get back on track.

—

Kevin: Cincinnati Bengals 18 • Jacksonville Jaguars 13

Jacksonville’s immense fear of the gingers provides the Bengals with enough confidence to overcome being a bad team. Also, the Jaguars are an even worse team than the Bengals.

Kyle: Bengals 14 – Jaguars 20

—

Kevin: Tennessee Titans 17 • Pittsburgh Steelers 21

I’ve found that it’s normally beneficial to me when I bet against my favorite team to win the game. So… THERE’S NO WAY THE STEELERS LOSE THIS GAME!

Kyle: Titans 20 – Steelers 24

—

Kevin: Kansas City Chiefs 12 • Indianapolis Colts 15

I told you this was going to be the only week I picked the Colts. The Chiefs blew it by picking up that win last week against the Vikings by the way.

Kyle: Chiefs 24 – Colts 13: We’re 2-3 baby!

—

Kevin: Oakland Raiders 28 • Houston Texans 23

The Raiders get back above .500, which is still not enough to bring Al Davis back to life.

NOTE: Kevin wrote these picks two days BEFORE Al Davis died. Proof that he is psychic and I am doomed. HE PREDICTED A DEATH. BEWARE OF KEVIN.

Kyle: Raiders 20 – Texans 23: The Raiders pay tribute to Al Davis by doing what they did most of the last years of his life. Losing.

—

Kevin: Arizona Cardinals 16 • Minnesota Vikings 21

Joe Theismann criticized Donovan McNabb this week. Naturally I want anything Theismann says to be thrown right back at his face because, well… he’s Joe Theismann.

Kyle: Cardinals 20 – Vikings 24

—

Kevin: New Orleans Saints 31 • Carolina Panthers 21

I guess I have to admit that Cam Newton is actually pretty good (reverse jinx alert).

Kyle: Saints 34 – Panthers 20

—

Kevin: Seattle Seahawks 0 • New York Giants 35

Let’s look at the facts here. Seattle is traveling across the country to play a 1:00 ET game in New York. It’s an away game for Seattle, which automatically makes them a worse team than they actually are by about 40-50 times (and they are initially horrible). Even Eli Manning can’t screw this up can he?

Kyle: Seahawks 10 – Giants 25

—

Kevin: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 24 • San Francisco 49ers 13

The 49ers cannot keep winning with Alex Smith at quarterback. I refuse to believe it. I won’t. I will NOT do it.

Kyle: Bucs 30 – 49ers 20

—

Kevin: San Diego Chargers 34 • Tim Tebow 6 long chants from the crowd to put him in.

It doesn’t matter what I think Denver will score. It only matters if Tebow plays (according to ESPN). By the way, this prediction means the Chargers will win if that wasn’t clear.

Kyle: Chargers 40 – Broncos 14: The Broncos are worse than the Chiefs.

—

Kevin: New York Jets 17 • New England Patriots: Whatever Rex Ryan’s weight is in points.

Rex Ryan is fat. Hence he weighs a lot. Therefore the Patriots will score a lot of points.

Kyle: Jets 24 – Pats 30: Ryan always plays the Pats close to the belt. Food jokes.

—

Kevin: Green Bay Packers 35 • Atlanta Falcons 31

So Brett Favre was in the news this week (sigh).

Kyle: Packers 24 – Falcons 32

—

Kevin: Chicago Bears 27 • Detroit Lions 30

Eventually the Lions will lose, but I can’t pick it this week because Mike Martz is involved with the team playing against them.

Kyle: Bears 31 – Lions 34

Overall Score:

Kevin 33-15 : Kyle 24-23

The post Kevin is Embarrassing Kyle on a Weekly Basis – Week 5 appeared first on Korked Bats.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Monta Ellis voluntarily got this done to his body.

I’m not a fan of tattoos. I’ve never seen one that I thought looked good and I’d never entertain the thought of getting one on myself. With that being said, I may be a little biased against the picture above. But hey, I’m always biased so who cares. Monta Ellis decided it would improve his life to get a tree tattoo that covered his entire torso. He also decided to put a huge image of his child’s face in the tree.

Gah that looks so hideous.

Kyle Busch mixes work with personal life.

So, the other day NASCAR driver Kyle Busch was driving around in his car and decided to go 128 mph. Here’s the problem, he wasn’t on Autobahnen. He was in North Carolina in a 45 mph zone.

Other than going 128 in a 45, Busch was pretty inconspicuous. Oh wait. No he wasn’t. He was driving a yellow 2012 Lexus sports car.

This isn’t Photoshopped.

I don’t know who these guys are (because they play a non-American sport) but it looks like the guy in white has successfully punched the guy in red’s head off. Well done sir!

Yep, he’s gay.

In what seems to be a recurring theme here on “Let Me Be Frank With You…”, I have come across yet another piece of proof that Tom Brady might be gay.

If you’re not on the team, don’t say we.

Every time I hear somebody talking about their favorite sports team and referring to them as “we” I want to punch them in the nostrils. You are not on the team. You have zero control of the decisions the team makes. You contribute nothing to the team’s success or failures.

Quit saying “we”!

. . . . . . . . . . . .

The post Let Me Be Frank With You… appeared first on Korked Bats.