Pitbull bought the naming rights to FIU’s football stadium for $1.2 million per year for the next 5 years. That’s right, the FIU Panthers will be playing their home games in Pitbull Stadium. So we started wondering what artists would be good fits to buy the naming rights of SEC stadiums? Here’s what we came up with…

Alabama – Beyoncé

Look, this partnership goes without saying. They’re both arguably the greatest of all-time. And both of their fans are annoying and everywhere.

Arkansas – E-40

Like Arkansas, E-40 is one of those artists you don’t think of first without seeing a list of other people’s work. And the SEC is that list for Arkansas. E-40 is featured on a lot of other people’s songs, but rarely known for anything he’s dropped on his own. Much like Arkansas. Known for being featured in the SEC. But rarely have they accomplished things on their own.

Auburn – Madonna

Just a couple of folks who used to be great, but lately these days, just a hot mess.

Georgia – Justin Timberlake

Definitely one of the greatest, with all the talent being there and well respected, but they certainly both have trouble behind the wheel.

Florida – Linkin Park

A program and band who certainly had its day, but lately just feels like it’s grasping at relevance. Not to mention, both groups of fans love wearing jorts.

Kentucky – Tyler Childers

Their fans are loud, proud, and will argue their important to anyone who will listen, but the general public couldn’t tell you a damn thing they have ever produced.

LSU – Taylor Swift

Everyone will agree it’s one of the best stadium shows you could ever possibly attend and they’re always at the top of everyone’s lists for their performances, but also because their fans are psychotic if you don’t mention them.

Mississippi State – Busta Rhymes 

Like Mississippi State, Busta Rhymes is just kinda there. Does he drop good music every now and then? I guess? But no one is going out of their way to hit up a Busta Rhymes concert. Dak Prescott is basically Pass The Courvoisier.

Mizzou – Chappell Roan

Where in the hell did they come from? Feels like just yesterday they were struggling to find success and we were making fun of them, and now out of nowhere, they’re one of the hottest names around?! WTF?!

Ole Miss – Zach Bryan

Neither is probably winning any hardware any time soon (Grammy’s or natty’s), but they’re just here to provide good vibes and good times, whether at a tailgate or an all-night revival.

Oklahoma – Drake

There’s no denying their success as one of the best for a long time, but lately had a little fall from grace.

South Carolina – Daft Punk

They can be fun at times, but they’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Can they produce a party? Hell yea. But the mood has to be right and it has to be during a Saturday night.

Tennessee – Creed

They had massive success in the 90’s, but fell off for a bit and became the butt of everyone’s jokes. But now, they are kinda having a moment again. Are they cool again? People are asking.

Texas – The Chainsmokers

They think they’re hot shit, but really the only people who like them are their fans. They suck to everyone else.

Texas A&M – Lady Gaga

They really have had trouble figuring out their identity and who in the hell they are, but also because they have had mad beef with Texas/The Chainsmokers.

Vanderbilt – Sufjan Stevens

This partnership is perfect because Sufjan Stevens is one of those artists whose fans feel like they’re smarter than you. But very few people care for or think about their product.

The post Pitbull Bought The Naming Rights To FIU’s Football Stadium, But What Artists Should Buy Naming Rights To SEC Stadiums? appeared first on Korked Bats.

NO, MARIAH! IT IS NOT TIME! GO BACK IN YOUR LITTLE ICE CUBE! Look, I know this is the one time of year when you are relevant, but there is no reason for you to make your month of relevance any longer than it already is. Everybody loves Christmas, sure, but the literal day after Halloween is NOT Christmas time. Slow your role, Glitter. I wrote about this last year, and I still believe it with all my heart. We still need to celebrate arguably the third most American holiday behind the Fourth of July and Flag Day… and that is Thanksgiving Day. A day to honor the pilgrims for trying to make good with the native Americans by breaking bread after shoving Eastern diseases down their throats. And I’ll be damned if Nick Cannon’s baby mama tries and overlooks this nation’s day for eating, watching football, taking forced tryptophan naps, and leaving family time early to get in line for unnecessary Black Friday Sales. I know as a ’90’s diva, you’re wired to make everything about yourself, but not this. Not today! Nobody wants to hear your high-pitched squeal before the Macy’s parade, let alone before Veterans Day. Support our troops, Mariah, by waiting your turn. Plus, the holidays aren’t easy for everyone. In fact, for some people, the holidays can be extremely difficult. Like anyone who is single and alone, anyone going through tough financial times, or anyone whose grandma got run over by a reindeer. Show a little consideration, Mariah!

The post NO, MARIAH CAREY! NOT NOW! YOU NEED TO WAIT! appeared first on Korked Bats.

Now we know why Irsay decided to open the roof at Lucas Oil this past Sunday. You can’t contain an anthem this beautiful. Plus, those notes would’ve shattered their glass ceiling. If he was on The Voice, he would’ve had every judge’s chair spun around before he hit the second syllable of “TI-TANS!” In fact, I went into that song as a Titans fan, but now? Giddy up! I’m painting horseshoes on my cheeks as we speak. LET THE WORLD HEAR US NOW! It’s bad enough the Colts beat the Titans at football, but now Indianapolis is beating Nashville at it’s own game: music. I mean, how can the Titans overcome something like this absolute savagery? And with vocals like that?!

From the double thumbs up out the gate…

…to the self-hug.

The Titans were frankly D.O.A. the second this TikTok dropped. Step aside Mariah Carey, because this dude with the vocal renderings of William Hung and a garbage disposal is here to will his team to victory. This is our team! Go Colts! WE LOVE THEM!

The post We Now Know The Definitive Reason Why The Titans Lost To The Colts appeared first on Korked Bats.

If there’s two things I love, it’s Taylor Swift and well-thought-out conspiracy theories. And boom, in walks Stan Hathaway with this 3:54 masterpiece. It’s perfection. The Godfather or Out Cold of conspiracies (seriously though, people don’t talk enough about how Out Cold is the perfect comedy). Step aside, Alex Jones. Stan here just Oppenheim’d your Info Wars. Aside from Taylor being a diehard Eagles fan, because let’s be honest, TayTay is an Eagles fan the way LeBron is a Cleveland sports fan. Like maybe when it’s convenient. But aside from that, I’m all in on this theory. And I’d love to see it play out. Especially if it gives us a surprise Eras Tour stop in Vegas on February 11, 2024. I mean, think about everything she laid out. It has to be the truth right? It’s probably why Travis’s brother Jason was so mum when asked about it the other night after Thursday Night Football.

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That’s Pulitzer-level questioning by Tony Gonzalez right there. Leave it to one legendary Chiefs tight end to try and get the inside scoop on another legendary Chiefs tight end. Answer or not, you’re doing the Lord’s work, Tony. And America appreciates you. I guess only time will tell whether these rumors are truth or not.

P.S. We need a 10-minute version of Mastermind like yesterday.

P.P.S. Speaking of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, we hit on it on this week’s DOING LINES (our fake sports betting podcast) with our guest, comedian Megan Gailey. Check it out wherever you podcast (or below).

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The post This Conspiracy About Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift Is Practically Fool-Proof appeared first on Korked Bats.

We went out to Wrigley Field to test fans on their knowledge of some of the most popular songs around: Take Me Out To The Ballgame, Go Cubs Go, and Thong Song. Because why wouldn’t you?

The post VIDEO: We Had Random People Sing Songs Outside of Wrigley Field, And It’s Clear Some People Don’t Know Sisqo appeared first on Korked Bats.

Okay. So maybe I’m the only one asking. And I know what you’re probably thinking. You’re thinking I’m crazy. And you’re not wrong. But hear me out on this one. The Braves had not won a World Series championship since 1995. The Georgia Bulldogs had not won a College Football National Championship since 1980. You are talking about droughts of 26 years and about 41 years respectively. For two incredibly storied brands in their respective sports, that’s a very long time, Jack. A very long time indeed.

So what does the Canadian Pop Star have to do with any of this? Great question. On March 19th of 2021, Mr. Bieber opened up the curtains to his life. He gave us a sneak peak inside, one might say. He told us where he gets his bounty of pitted fruits we all know and love as the peach. And it’s not Canada, my friends. It’s Georgia. His song “Peaches” hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 on March 30th, just two days before the Braves went on their run to bring the hardware home. And look. I know he also says he gets his weed from California in the song as well. But the song ain’t named “Weed.” It’s named “Peaches.” And since Bieber released it, the state of Georgia has two championships.

Now, you might be asking, “What about the Hawks? What about the Falcons?” And I’ll give it to you. Those are fair questions. But two things. One, the Hawks proceeded to make it to the Eastern Conference Finals after Mr. Bieber released this hit. No one really expected them to do that. And two, I don’t need to tell you that I got “Justice” on vinyl for my birthday this past year to let you know I’m a Belieber (and also a little bougie). However, as great I think he is, even I know Justin isn’t a wizard that can reverse curses.

So, all of this to say, I think we need to start throwing a little more credit Justin’s way. He didn’t NEED to tell you where he got his peaches. He didn’t NEED to get a peach tattooed to his neck. But he did. And for better or worse, the state of Georgia has been bringing home trophies left and right. If the Winnipeg Jets (formally known as the Atlanta Thrashers) hoist the Stanley Cup this year, I think you have to give that one to Atlanta, too.

And Justin, if you ever see this, please write a song about Imo’s Pizza or Toasted Ravioli. As an entitled Cardinal’s fan, they haven’t won the World Series since 2011 and I’m getting antsy…

The post Does Justin Bieber Deserve Credit For The State of Georgia’s Recent Success In Sports? appeared first on Korked Bats.

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First of all, how did a baby hire a lawyer?

…..that baby is grown now? Boy, life comes at you fast.

Spencer Elden, who is allegedly no longer a baby, put on his big boy pants and filed a lawsuit against Nirvana for sexual exploitation. The album, “Nevermind” from 1991, is nothing short of iconic and arguably the best Nirvana album of all time. The album has sold more than 30 million copies worldwide.

Here’s where it gets complicated: Elden has “Nevermind” tattooed across his chest. Talk about irony. The guy basically wants to be known as the Nirvana baby but wants to turn around sue the band for something he had no control over. His parents did. They were paid a whopping $200, which would be $400 in today’s dollars. Not bad work for a baby. Imagine if your baby got a job and started paying bills. That’s what Elden’s parents experienced. Did they realize that their baby’s picture would be distributed 30 million+ times worldwide? Most likely, no.

Elden did an interview in 2016 for Time where he’s not bitter at all saying how “everyone involved in the album has tons and tons of money” and that he’s “living in his mom’s house driving a Honda Civic.”

Well, Elden you were the richest baby in 1991 and now you get great gas mileage. Life could be worse.

The post The Baby From Nirvana’s “Nevermind” Cover Is Suing The Band, Proving He Still Has A Tiny Peen appeared first on Korked Bats.

When I woke up this morning, I did not expect to see a tweet from M.C. Hammer pop into my timeline today. But here I am, moments before going to bed, seeing M.C. Hammer tweeting a compliment to a photo of an owl for having thick, feathery legs that resemble hammer pants. العاب ربح نقود حقيقية Naturally. I mean, if you ever need proof that the Internet is an endless void of random, I’d say a tweet to an owl from the rapper of “Can’t Touch This” would be a pretty damn good place to start. This has to be the most random thing on the world wide web in all of 2021, right? لعب روليت I’m trying to think of something that’s been more random. I mean Bean Dad and finding shrimp in your Cinnamon Toast Crunch are up there, but both those dudes got canceled so I’m pretty sure that makes M.C. and his thicc thunder thighed owl the most random thing on the Internet of 2021. Just incredible. I’m hoping M.C. remains too legit, because I don’t want this dude to ever quit.

UPDATE: Apparently M.C. Hammer retweeted me. Because why not?

The post M.C. Hammer Digs This Owl’s Pants appeared first on Korked Bats.

Perhaps Alex Rodriguez is trying to manifest Jennifer Lopez back into his life, as he set his dinner table with three additional table settings. The former slugger shared a photo of a family dinner with his two daughters, Natasha and Ella, and revealed the three empty plates, which, in theory, could be for Lopez and her two kids, Max and Emme. betrally

via Page Six

A-Rod is down bad.

Like real bad. Setting a place setting at the dinner table who broke up with you over a month ago? And this comes weeks after he posted that insanely sad Instagram story with Fix You playing in the background.

It’s the blue heart with her IG handle in the lower right corner for me.

Look, my man A-Rod is going through it right now. Just absolutely brutal. You may hate A-Rod, whether it be from his cheating, then his lying about cheating, and then his admission to cheating, and then his pretty annoying baseball commentary, and then his face plastered everywhere because of his relationship with J-Lo, but you can’t deny it sucks going through a breakup. I mean, it is kinda funny to see HIM go through it, but it does suck.

But probably the saddest part of this whole thing is that a 45-year-old grown-ass man openly uses the word “din din. اندرويد كازينو ”

You want that knife to be twisted a little bit?

“He truly thought they would be able to make it work and reconnect,” a Lopez source told E! News. “He has been reaching out to J.Lo trying to meet with her and she has been very short with him.”

You want the knife twisted even more? With a SAW movie level of gore?

She broke up with A-Rod to date this dude.

Maybe it’s the sports fan in me or just my pure-blooded disdain of all things Ben Affleck’s Batman, but I’m actually on #TeamARod here. He was a Yankee. She’s still Jenny from the block. They weren’t in Gigli together. It was a perfect match. So go win her back buddy! You got this. Keep setting that place at the table and maybe one day it will be filled.

The post A-Rod Is Still Setting A Place At The Family Dinner Table For J-Lo But He’s Doing Fine, Why Do You Ask? appeared first on Korked Bats.