America Turns To Jacksonville For Advice On How To Live Without Football

JACKSONVILLE, FL – As the nation begins coping without football, Americans turn to the residents of Jacksonville, Florida for advice on how to live without football.

Since Jacksonvillites live their lives without football year round, America felt they could be a great resource for ways to cope with the loss of the nation’s most popular sport.

“At the advice of Jacksonville, I’m going to cover my sofa and recliner with tarps,” Craig Morton, a Charlotte resident and Panthers fan, said. “I’m also going to go wind-surfing!”

It’s clear most of America is struggling to find ways to keep them out of a football-less depression. However, Jacksonville has become America’s football-less antidepressant.

“Remind me what football is again,” said Shawn Bogart, a 23-year-old Jacksonville native. “Is it a coffee shop or a beach or a sailboat?” When we told him what football was, he instantly changed the subject to a coffee shop or a beach or a sailboat.

Jacksonville also suggested that America should turn to other sports during this football offseason. “We love to sport here in Jacksonville,” Mayor Alvin Brown said. “Like sand volleyball and paddle ball. We also love to go shopping on rainy days. That’s sport, right?”

“Trust me, America. There is so much more to life than foochball,” Mayor Brown continued. “What’s that? It’s football?! Trust me, America. There is so much more to life than football.” Brown then turned to his assistant, “Are you sure that’s right? I’m nearly positive it’s foochball. My grandfather used to play it.”

According to most recent U.S. Census, Jacksonville is the least football dependent city in the United States. Jacksonville is also home to the nation’s largest number of puka shell necklaces per capita.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

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