A No-No By I Don’t Know-Know

July 12, 2009 Austin

Last Friday night was MLB’s first 2009 no hitter. And it was pitched by…

Hold on…

Wait…

I’m Googling it now. This will only take a second…

Ok, apparently it was Jonathan Sánchez who pitched the no-no and apparently that is his picture at the top of this post. Give me just a couple more seconds to Google him.

This will only take a second.

Alright… This is what I found:

Click on the image to make it larger.

Does anyone outside of the Bay area know who Jonathan Sánchez is? Even Google didn’t know him, and Google knows EVERYONE! How am I going to find out about this Sánchez guy so I can write about him?

Wait… I got it!

WIKIPEDIA!

They know everybody too! And if they don’t, then at least someone does, and then they create a Wikipedia page for them, and then anyone can go in and edit further information. It’s brilliant! There is no way that idea could go wrong!

It’s been so easy writing college papers since this site started. All my cited sources are always Wikipedia pages! Who is the mastermind behind this idea? John Stamos?!

Anyways, I looked up Jonathan Sánchez on Wikipedia. It turns out, he does in fact have a Wikipedia page. Then again, who doesn’t?

Ok. Well, I don’t. Korked Bats doesn’t. I’m pretty sure no one else who writes for this blog does. (If anyone knows how to change that, help us out! We would LOVE to be on Wikipedia!)

I started reading about Mr. No-no. Apparently, he started the year as the Giants’ 5th starter. After starting the season 2-7 he was demoted to the bullpen and has been pitching in relief since. He got a chance to start this past Friday night and well… Nine innings later, no one got a hit off of him.

Pretty impressive, huh?

Well, don’t be too impressed. His competition wasn’t much. (Now, don’t be too quick to judge. I’m not knockin’ on the Padres.) What I found on Wikipedia may surprise you.

Click on the image to make it larger.

Can you see it? There at the bottom of the paragraph. Here, I’ll make it bigger:

Click on the image to make it larger.

He wasn’t pitching against the Padres actual Major League team! He was pitching against a Triple A team. A Triple A team that according to the Wikipedia article, has no ownership.

So there you have it.

Anyone could pitch a no hitter against a Triple A team. Especially the Padres Triple A club. (Okay, now I’m knockin’ on the Padres.)

Now you are probably asking, how do you know this is true? There is a lot of made up stuff on the internet.

And in saying this, I will respond with, “Yes, that is true. There is a lot of made up stuff on Al Gore’s greatest invention next to Global Warming.”

But, there are five websites on the internet that you CAN trust:

NYTimes.com
TheOnion.com
ahuffs.blogspot.com

Candystand.com

and of course…

Wikipedia.com

So congratulations, Jonathan Sánchez (if that IS your real name), for pitching a no hitter. Even if it was against a Triple A club.

That’s about as impressive as going two days without picking a newly formed scab.

At least now people will know who you are. And by “know who you are” I mean they will know you as “That Giants Pitcher Who Pitched A No Hitter In 2009”.

Special Thanks for the Google Picture: David Catterton