A Live-Tweeting Of One Of The Weirdest Lyft Rides Of All Time

December 14, 2023December 14, 2023 Austin

Got a flat tire last night on the way to my company’s holiday party. So after changing the tire and driving the car back home, I hopped in one of the most wild Lyft rides of my life and live-tweeted it while it happened.

let’s go ahead and call my driver Richard. mainly because that’s his name.

I’m currently sitting on patio furniture cushions in Richard’s back seat.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 13, 2023

I should also note that Richard is somewhere between the ages of dirt and childhood friends with Henry Ford.

if you need further proof of this, he turned on jazz immediately after missing the first turn.

like actual jazz.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 13, 2023

Richard just missed another turn. I think it’s because he uses the overall trip view on Apple Maps.

who in the hell uses the overall trip view on Apple Maps?!

Richard does.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 13, 2023

Richard just put sunglasses on.

the sun went down nearly two hours ago, Richard.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 13, 2023

we’ve gotten off the highway. it’s just city streets now.

I’d question the choice, but I figured I’d be ill-pressed to get logic out of a sunglasses at night wearing, jazz listening, older than Wrigley Field driver who just nearly got us killed.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 14, 2023

BREAKING NEWS: Richie has turned off the jazz. I repeat we have ditched the sultry sounds of Benny Goodman for the sounds of Richie’s breathing, which are not near as voluptuous.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 14, 2023

looked up Richard’s rideshare bio.

he has 5 stars and is listed as a “Top-driver” among who? demolition derby contestants?
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 14, 2023

someone named Clementine just called Richard’s phone.

Richard was hella quick with that decline button.

good move, Richie. we don’t need Clementine in our lives right now.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 14, 2023

Richard is either a bluetooth earpiece guy or that’s a hearing aid. hard to tell which.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 14, 2023

BREAKING NEWS: Richard just turned the jazz back on. a smooth saxophone, piano, and drums freestyle melody that really has me vibin Richie’s Ray Bans.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 14, 2023

Richard has gotten know less than 16 messages on Whats App during this ride.

I can only imagine it’s damn Clementine.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 14, 2023

Rich taught me to make your own directions in life, listen to Duke Ellington, look at the big picture in Apple Maps, sunglasses at night are not just for Corey Hart or Feldman in License To Drive, break molds, brake pads (for missed turns) & break hearts.

screw you, Clementine.
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 14, 2023

Now, after all that, I did have one dinkus try and claim I made this entire thing up. Honestly, I wish I did, because 1. that would mean I have a crap ton of time on my hand, and 2. I created the greatest and weirdest character since Ernest. But trust me, ol’ Richie is real. And he’s spectacular.

why would I take the time to make this entire thing up? https://t.co/1zhFmmzl68 pic.twitter.com/ggXghVWc9J
— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) December 14, 2023

P.S. Shout out to this tweet…

I'm not making this up. I just completed an Uber ride with a driver named Clementine, who was smoking a cigar. She seemed unhappy, and now I know why.
— BizarroPK🦊 (@bizarroPK) December 14, 2023