A Few Notes About The New SEC Football Championship Trophy

December 4, 2013December 4, 2013 Austin

It’s SEC Championship Week. This year, the Missouri Tigers will play the ~~Alabama Crimson Tide~~ Auburn Tigers to find out who is king of the ~~college football world~~ SEC.

Earlier this year, the SEC unveiled a brand new SEC Championship trophy for football. As you you may have noticed from the old trophy, it changed about as much as the plot from The Hangover to The Hangover 2. But let’s take a closer look at the new SEC Football Championship trophy anyway.

Here are a few thoughts:

At the top center, this trophy provides a cheat sheet for fans of what letters to yell after games.
This new trophy has been ejected for targeting.
Not sure which is the most embarrassing part about the trophy: The blocking technique, the tackling technique, or the fact that they were forced to include Arkansas’ name on it.
When the ball carrier hits the ground, he’ll be reaching for his nuts with SEC speed.
The three players don’t represent a defender trying to make a tackle while being blocked. The three players represent Florida’s offense.
The University of Kentucky’s name etched into the trophy is the closest Kentucky will get to this trophy.
While the guy on the trophy is making the tackle, Jadeveon Clowney is off to the side, catching his breath.
Only six SEC teams have ever won this trophy. Why not just save some space and have the trophy say: Alabama, Auburn, Florida, Georgia, LSU, Tennessee and Much Much More!
Those yells you hear about the player’s face being in the other player’s crotch are homophobic slurs, courtesy of Ole Miss’s football players.
These three players are already committed to Alabama.
Talk about a head to head collision. #weinerjokes
Who is that defender’s coach? Houston Nutt? #weinerjokes
He hit him right in his South Carolina Gamecock. #weinerjokes
This trophy is what happens when Butch Jones changes his team’s slogan to “dick by dick.” #weinerjokes
The three players on the trophy represent the three Georgia Bulldogs who didn’t get injured this season.
If Vanderbilt designed the trophy, the three players would represent a study group.
Other potential names for this trophy included The BCS National Championship Trophy, The Lombardi Jr. Trophy, and The Anti-Ohio State, Buckeyes Suck, Big Ten Is Weak, Go Back To The North You Yankee Trophy. Honestly surprised that last one didn’t stick.