25 Reasons To Go To Marlins Games

Here are 25 reasons to go to a Marlins game:
  1. It’s inside, sometimes.
  2. There is just nothing else to do in Miami.
  3. Literally, nothing else to do in Miami.
  4. If you show up, the good news is owner Jeffrey Loria will more than likely trade you to the Blue Jays.
  5. The games are a lot of fun!
      • This one depends on your definition of fun.
  6. It’s not like there are any other good sports teams in Miami.
      • This one depends on whether or not you watch the NBA.
  7. If you do watch the NBA, there’s plenty of TV’s in Marlins Park.
  8. You can be one of the first people on the bandwagon, before they lose to the Cubs in the 2015 World Series.
  9. If a Marlins player hits a home run, that gaudy monstrosity in left-center field will light up and make noises!
  10. That gaudy monstrosity in left-center field won’t light up and make noises.
  11. At Marlins Park, they sing a different version of “Take Me Out To The Ballgame
      • Take me out to the ballgame. Take me out the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks, I kind of care if I ever get back. In fact, you want to leave after the 3rd inning?
      • All of that, but in Spanish.
  12. Sitting in the stands automatically makes you more famous than any Marlins players on the field.
  13. You can sit literally anywhere.
      • Including the bench. In fact, can you play?
  14. LeBron James brought his talents to South Beach. So should you.
      • And when you do, you mind suiting up to play?
  15. There’s food.
  16. There’s beer.
      • Not enough, though.
  17. You can find tickets for super cheap online or on the ground.
  18. Marlins Park is the hottest night club in Miami.
      • And by night club, we mean ballpark. And we mean this literally. It’s hot.
  19. You guys remember that Will Smith song? Eh?!
  20. Home of the 1997 and 2003 World Series champs.
      • Well, it was home to those teams before they were all traded away the following years.
  21. You guys remember Juan Pierre? Good.
      • That’s probably the only guy on the current roster you’ll remember.
  22. There are many promotional nights. Like this upcoming Tuesday is player give-away night.
      • Seriously, we’ll trade them to you for next to nothing.
      • If you wear a Blue Jays jersey, you get six.
  23. Baseball is America’s pastime!
      • Even if no one in Miami is from America.
  24. Like movies? Marlins games are like watching the beginning of Angels In The Outfield… before the angels showed up.
  25. The Miami Marlins used to be the Florida Marlins. You know who went to Florida? Tim Tebow.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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