2012 Korksman of the Year

The Korksman of the Year is an award much to the liking of Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year. Although, unlike SI, we know that everyone still hates LeBron James, and we would never give him this award. Honestly, it’s going to take more than a few cell phone commercials to win us over, Bron Bron. Just because you won MVP, your first NBA title, an Olympic gold medal and got engaged this year, doesn’t mean we’ll start liking you. To anyone outside of Cleveland, LeBron James is like a rich new neighbor. He’s really friendly to you. He keeps coming home with new expensive stuff. He’s always willing to play pick-up games of basketball with you and your son. (But not before first inviting Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh over.) But you insist on telling your wife that there’s something you just don’t like about the guy. You don’t trust him. You don’t want your kids going over there anymore. Then your wife accuses you of being racist, and makes you finish cleaning the kitchen by yourself. You stand at the sink gazing out the window wondering if you’re just being too hard on the guy. You quickly snap out of it. You HATE that guy!

So, our 2012 Korksman of the Year is not LeBron James.

People say fantasy football is one of the many instruments used to build the Nancy Grace monster known as the NFL. This statement is true, but only to an extent. Yes, fantasy football has us watching games we never would watch normally (read: Bengals games), but even that desire dies down. For some, it’s Week 7. Others, Week 4. And even some, Preseason Week 3, as fantasy football experiences from year’s past have them spending less and less time keeping up with their team. The people giving up early seems to be a growing number each year. The NFL has realized this, and thus came their implementation of this year’s 2012 Korksman of the Year winner:

The Replacement Refs

That’s right, this year’s Korksman of the Year isn’t just one great guy or girl. It’s a bunch of really crappy guys and one crappy girl. It’s a group of individuals who collectively know less about the sport of football than your mother who constantly asks, “What is pass interference again?”

Actually, now that I think about it, I think your mom was a replacement ref.

If you’re having trouble remembering who the Replacement Refs were, they were those referees who were all like, “Roughing the passer on the offense. 12-ish yard penalty. No… wait… ummmm… its… Is my mic still on? Oh here, let me turn this off and…” Still doesn’t ring a bell? They were the referees who were confusing us by saying “Touchdown!” and “Touchback!” all on one play. For anyone outside of Green Bay, it was hysterical. Finally, for once, when we yelled at our TV’s that the refs were idiots that didn’t know the rules, it was true.

And when we would say, “Hey ref! What are you? Blind?!” It would be true too, because I’m pretty sure one of the replacement refs was legally blind.

However, the Replacement Refs were named Korksman (Korksmen, Korkspeople?) of the Year for the impact they made on a nation. They began refereeing games after only a few weeks of training. They showed us all that if you put your mind to it, you can do anything (as long as the people, who are doing what you want to do, go on strike). Want to be a hair stylist? Go right ahead! How about a scuba diver? You got it, buddy! Your dream is to own a zoo? Just ask Matt Damon, ANYONE can do it! They brought major truth to the saying, “If you believe it, you can referee it.”

Seriously, the Replacement Refs showed us that you don’t even have to be good at whatever it is you want to do. You got fired from the Lingerie Football League? Sure, come ref some nationally televised NFL games that could potentially have major playoff implications.

To put it in a nutshell, the NFL basically removed Brad Pitt from this notable Chanel No. 5 commercial.

Then they replaced Brad Pitt’s eerie stare, chiseled jawline, and made up sentences, with Brad’s slightly chubbier and homelier brother, Doug Pitt.

Wondering what it would be like to actually have Doug Pitt star in a Chanel No. 5 commercial? Well, you clearly didn’t watch the end to the Packers-Seahawks game earlier in the year. It was basically the same thing.

Between the football players and replacement refs, the amount of combined stupidity on the field was at record highs. You had these men knocking each other out by running into each other, and also you had football players.

Congratulations replacement refs, you are the 2012 Korksman (Korksmen and one chick) of the Year.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

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