Thursday, April 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

103-Year-Old Grandma’s To Do List: 1. Overcome Coronavirus, 2. DO BEERS!

SOURCE Shelley Gunn describes her Polish grandmother, Jennie Stejna, as having a feisty spirit. Stejna certainly displayed that spirit as the 103-year-old woman recently survived a bout with the coronavirus.

Three weeks ago, Gunn said Stejna was the first to test positive for coronavirus in her nursing home. She had a low-grade fever and was moved to a separate ward.

Stejna didn’t really grasp or understand COVID-19, Gunn said, but did know she was very ill. Gunn said there was always a staff member by her side.

As Stejna’s condition worsened, Gunn said they called to say what they thought were their final goodbyes. She thanked Stejna for everything she had done for her. When Shelley’s husband, Adam Gunn, asked whether Stejna was ready to go to heaven, she replied, “Hell yes.”

Let me stop it right there. The ironically hilarious reply here has already won me over with this Polish nana. But let’s keep going.

But on May 13, Gunn said she got good news — Stejna had recovered.

“This feisty old Polish grandmother of ours officially beat the coronavirus,” Adam Gunn, said.

“We’re truly very thankful.”

The staff gave Stejna an ice cold Bud Light to celebrate, something she loved but hadn’t had in a long time, Gunn said.

That’s it. She’s my favorite person ever. Not only did this 103-year-old woman overcome covornavirus – a virus that is fatal for elderly, but immediately after she was like, “BEER ME!”

Hell yes. DO BEERS, NANA!

This lady went from having her entire family saying their final goodbyes to kicking one back in the span of a day. Her grandkids went in expecting to pull the plug, not tap the keg. But Nana went bottoms up instead of belly up.

They say to respect your elders. Well, I have mad respect for my elders. Especially the ones who say screw it. I’m old. Let me do what I want. Forget my Ensure. I want a Bud.

I don’t blame her at all. If in your lifetime you saw The Great Depression, numerous wars including one World War, Kennedy’s assassination, 9/11, and every season of The Big Bang Theory, you’d need a beer at the end of it all too.

Also, not to grab my pitchfork and hike up the hill that BIG BEER CORP. lives on, but as soon as this story came out Bud Light jumped all over it. Naturally.

I don’t have a problem with that. I have a problem with the offer.

Offering her “a beer?” She’s literally older than sliced bread (invented in 1927), she just defeated a virus that has crippled the entire planet, and you’re like, “Here, have *A* beer.” Even if you gave her free beer for life, it would probably equal out to like three beers, which still wouldn’t be enough beer. Look, I’m not one of those people to look a gift horse in the mouth or demand that you’re not giving enough gift horses. But pretty sure Anheuser Busch… sorry, I mean InBev could sweeten that pot a little bit.


Shameless plug:

We have plenty of DO BEERS items in our Korked Bats store.



DO BEERS, but don’t do ’em naked. Grab some, do some, and then tweet us @korkedbeers!


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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