So there I was innocently scrolling Instagram and BAM! another advertisement smacked me right in the face. As per usual, it grabbed my attention, and it’s pretty easy to see why:

There are a number of reasons why this caught my eye, but first and foremost, I love dogs, ESPECIALLY home underdogs. I salivate over home underdogs in prime-time. I also love fantasy. I’m in too many leagues (7 of my own and 8 if you count my fiancé’s league – not to brag that I’m engaged), I love every single thing about fantasy.

After I got over the name of the app, I read the caption. “1-week fantasy football snake draft for cash.” Wait hold up, has someone been reading my text messages? No, not the FBI, I’m talking about a THIEF. This is literally what my friends (Hubb included, shoutout fellow KB writer) and I have been doing for 3 years now. We have an entire group chat devoted specifically to it. Our group does at least 1 snake draft per week, or as we like to call it, “Draction” (draft action). We always do $5 a person and winner take all each week. You’ll see us getting a little crazy some weeks where we’ll do a 1pm only draft or a Monday-Thursday draft. And then there’s some weeks (like week 1) where we’ll have 4 different drafts and, at that point, you don’t even know who to cheer for on Sunday. Pure bliss.

To make it even more of a kick in the nuts, the app is allegedly backed by the Shark himself Mark Cuban, Adam Schefter, and the snake Kevin Durant. So you mean to tell me that all these years of us drafting in a group chat, we could have been developing an app and getting financially backed by some of the biggest names in sports? Sheesh. I mean, to say that we missed out on millions, is a gross understatement (…or a net understatement. Not entirely sure how finances work?).

We could’ve been thousandaires!

The post There’s No Worse Feeling Than When Someone Beats You To A Shark Tank-Worthy Idea appeared first on Korked Bats.

Ok, so this title is a little misleading, but I couldn’t resist. During my lunch today, I received an interesting notification. Kevin Durant is the newest athlete to have an ownership stake in a professional team as he purchased 5% of the Philadelphia Union. If you’re not familiar with the Union, they play in the MLS and have since 2008. Although a smart investment, Durant may have overlooked one detail in the deal.

The Union’s mascot is a SNAKE!

…with arms.

Now you may be thinking, “Gator, that thing has arms and legs, he’s obviously not a snake.” I had the same thought when he was introduced in 2018, but the Union have stuck with the assertion that Phang is indeed a snake and not some sort of humanoid dragon.

I’ve actually met Phang on multiple occasions, and funny enough, I have a friend who went on a date with the man who wears the suit (the man had arms too). All parties involved with Phang swear that he is snake, and who are we to judge? If Phang identifies as a snake then he’s a snake. It doesn’t matter to me. I can think of one person that it might matter to and that would be the Union’s newest owner, one Kevin Durant.

Anyone familiar with sports knows about the controversies surrounding Kevin Durant that earned him the infamous title of snake whether it be turning his back on his teammates to join the Warriors or having multiple burner accounts to lash out at critics on Twitter. Durant is know as petty and sensitive, so it will be interesting to see how he reacts when the trolls start making memes about how it’s only fitting he bought a team that has a snake Mascot.

Will Durant force the team to make Phang undergo a species change? Will Phang be jealous of another snake trying to steal his spotlight? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure, this story is just beginning, and there are going to be a few more twists and turns before this is all said and done.

When fans are allowed back into stadiums, I’ll be sure to check out a few games at Subaru Park in the hopes of catching a glimpse of some Durant fueled drama. Oh yeah, also to root on the Union.

[divider][/divider]

The post Kevin Durant Proves Once And For All He’s a Snake appeared first on Korked Bats.

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

[divider][/divider]

The post Mother’s Day Messages From Sports Stars appeared first on Korked Bats.

But no need dwelling on Brooks’ career. The Thunder have made their decision, and we need to be supportive. So in doing so, we came up with a list of potential coaches for them to hire.

1. Scott Brooks

He really wasn’t that bad of a coach. Let’s see you try getting better after your team trades away perennial MVP candidate James Harden, Kevin Durant has season-ending surgery, and forced to play in a state named after a Broadway musical.

• • •

2. Phil Jackson

This would be more of a charity hire than anything. He just needs a way out of the Knicks organization. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family.

• • •

3. LeBron James

He’s already done a fantastic job as the head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers this season.

• • •

4. Toni Kukoc

Hiring a former Chicago Bull worked so well for the Golden State Warriors, so why not try it in OKC?

• • •

5. Pete Carroll

Oklahoma City already took Seattle’s basketball team. They might as well take their Super Bowl winning football coach too.

• • •

6. Scott Brooks

Still think they made a mistake by letting him go. Maybe give him another chance?

• • •

7. Geno Auriemma

Geno has been coaching women’s basketball at the University of Connecticut since 1985, but after being surrounded by that many women for that long, you know he’s looking for any excuse to hang around anyone with a Y-chromosome. I mean, chicks… amirite?!

• • •

8. Russell Westbrook

If you ask Russell Westbrook, Russell Westbrook would say, “Russell Westbrook thinks Russell Westbrook would make the best head coach.” Russell Westbrook.

• • •

9. Whoopi Goldberg

If she can turn the Knicks around, she can literally do anything. Plus, have you seen her on The View?! Ol’ girl is a hoot!

• • •

10. Kevin Durant’s Mom

She’s da real MVP. So she’s probably da real head coach too.

• • •

12. Scott Brooks

Look, if you’re going to let Russell Westbrook take that many shots, you have to give Scott Brooks at least one more shot, right?

The post 11 Head Coaches The Thunder Should Hire appeared first on Korked Bats.

NEW YORK — A day after the NBA awarded their Most Valuable Player trophy to Oklahoma City Thunder forward and human stick figure Kevin Durant, the league decided to strip the All-Star of the award and give it to Kevin’s mother, Wanda.

In Durant’s MVP award acceptance speech, he claimed his mother was “the real MVP.” Shortly after, the NBA began reviewing his claim and motioned for a second vote.

“Upon further review and a league-wide re-vote, the NBA has decided to strip Kevin Durant of his MVP trophy and award it to his mother, Wanda,” NBA Commissioner Adam Silver said at a press conference on Wednesday. “She is just an absolute doll, and we must commend her for role in making Kevin Durant.” Silver then winked and waved at Wanda, who was sitting in the front row smiling and waving back. “Hey girl! Get yo-self on up here!” Silver said, while giggling.

Smelling of too much perfume and cocoa butter, Wanda stepped up on stage, kissed Adam Silver on the cheek and set up behind the podium to accept her award. “Y’all, I am completely honored and humbled to be receiving this award right now. Like honestly, y’all. I didn’t think anything could be better than watching my baby win this award yesterday, but I was wrong. This is so much better! All those years of cutting the crust off of his sandwiches and not driving him to the weight room have finally paid off!”

Wanda continued by thanking her family, friends, and hairdressers who helped her out along the way. However, she didn’t forget about her setbacks. “It wasn’t an easy road to get here. There were many trials and tribulations,” Wanda said. “I mean, did y’all see Kevin’s movie Thunderstruck? I didn’t leave my house for a month out of sheer embarrassment after that movie came out.”

Shortly following the league’s announcement, Kevin Durant became noticeably furious. “Wait, I was just being nice,” Kevin Durant said. “My momma didn’t even score a point this year. How is this possible? Is she even eligible?” Durant then punched a wall before mumbling, “If it’s not LeBron, it’s my mom. I just can’t win.”

Even though statistically Kevin Durant is the rightful recipient of the NBA’s MVP award, no one disagrees with anything Adam Silver does anymore, mainly because of his Donald Sterling ruling. “Honestly, he could’ve banned K.D. from the NBA for life and I wouldn’t have been upset,” Thunder head coach Scott Brooks said. “He can do whatever he wants after nailing that Donald Sterling ruling.”

Brooks continued, “Plus, how can you disagree with this decision. Wanda is the absolute best. She is a delight.”

The post NBA Takes Away Kevin Durant’s MVP Award, Gives It To Wanda Durant appeared first on Korked Bats.

After the Oklahoma City Thunder fell behind 3-2 in their series against the Memphis Grizzlies, The Oklahoman newspaper printed the headline “Mr. Unreliable” with a picture of soon-to-be NBA MVP Kevin Durant. Well, Durant then went on to lead the Thunder to two-straight wins and the series victory behind two fantastic performances, proving he was anything but unreliable.

Although, that’s not the first time The Oklahoman was wrong with one of their headlines. We went back in the archives to find other times The Oklahoman printed headlines that turned out to be wrong.

• • •

This post was written by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Other Times The Oklahoman’s Headlines Ended Up Being Wrong appeared first on Korked Bats.

• • •

This post was created by Chris. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @ChrisTrauma

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post What Happens To NBA Players’ Glasses During The Offseason? appeared first on Korked Bats.

If you know me, you know I love many things. LeBron James, gratuitous amounts of candy, freakishly tall people, pet Polar Bears, and the NBA. While I don’t have the time (or battery power required to run my laptop) to write about all of these things, I thought I’d at least take some time on Christmas Eve to give the faithful readers of Korked Bats an ultimate NBA preview.

Top 6 Teams

1. Miami Heat
2. Oklahoma City Thunder
3. Chicago Bulls
4. Dallas Mavericks
5. Team Edward
6. Darkhorse: Los Angeles Clippers

Top 6 MVP Competitors

1. Kevin Durant
2. Derrick Rose
3. Dirk Nowitzki
4. LeBron James
5. Tim Tebow
6. Darkhorse: Zach Randolph

3 Teams That Will Surprise You

1. Indiana Pacers
2. Minnesota Timberwolves
3. The Milwaukee Magicians… No seriously, this is a group of professional magicians that do local birthday parties who will absolutely surprise you (they knew my card every time!)

5 Things More Hated than Kris Humphries

1. Penn State
2. Human Trafficking
3. Yellow Starburst
4. Miami Heat
5. I guess that’s about it…

3 Things That Will Disappoint

1. Los Angeles Lakers
2. Charlotte Bobcats
3. Pittsburgh Pirates
4. My counting

The post Complete NBA Preview appeared first on Korked Bats.

Meanwhile, the players seem content with the idea of going over to Europe or Asia to play until the owners miss them enough to bring the players back. It started with Deron Williams signing to play on a team in Turkey.  Other names soon-after surfaced.  Many stars were apparently thinking about making the Iverson-esque leap across the pond (how did that work for him, again? Is he even still alive?). It was about that time that some players also realized their street-cred is set to diminish if they don’t play in America. That was an unacceptable notion for some and they had to do something about it.

Kevin Durant is a marketing machine.  Many believe he is the love child of Michael Jordan and Phil Knight (Nike’s CEO).  He is always representing some product at any given moment. He’s like a black athletic version of the late Billy Mays. He decided to take his burgeoning superstar status to Rucker Park. This story isn’t new, since Durant did this three weeks ago. But it was the start of something interesting… Players saying “Hey, don’t forget about me.” Durant played against the PS-118 all-stars and dropped 66 points in his Rucker Park mixtape performance.

Kobe Bryant wasn’t about to let KD out-do him. So Kobe appeared at a summer league game (side note: isn’t the summer league sponsored by the NBA, which is in a lockout?  So this game was just a bunch of players unofficially getting together because they miss the spotlight? Ok, that’s what I thought) and scored 43 points. “Only 43 points!” you say?  Yes, but Kobe also dramatically dribbled out the last 15 seconds, occasionally glancing at the camera in the stands, as he prepared to take the game winning shot.  After he made that shot, dozens of people (who I’m guessing were paid by Kobe and/or Nike) stormed the court to hug the aging superstar.  The only thing you can’t see in the video is the thoughts going through Kobe’s mind: “Suck it Kevin Durant, I can have people hug me on a basketball court too.”

With all of this competition to remain in the spotlight, I think the NBA players will start to up the stakes soon. It’s only a matter of time until Kevin Love stoops to half-naked shower gel commercials… wait. It’s only a matter of time until players start making claims that they’re going to play basketball China… wait.  Well maybe, we’re just around the corner from Pau Gasol auditioning for a Broadway musical and Blake Griffin making his debut in the World Trampoline Championships. Either way, I don’t like where this is headed.

The post Don’t Forget About Me! appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Oklahoma City Thinder defeated the Memphis Grizzlies, 105-90, in Game 7 to advance to the Western Conference Semifinals for the first time in Oklahoma City’s short history. These are some headlines you probably won’t see in the papers…

The post Headlines – Thunder Beat Grizzlies appeared first on Korked Bats.