Kevin Durant Proves Once And For All He’s a Snake

June 16, 2020June 16, 2020 Gator Flint

Ok, so this title is a little misleading, but I couldn’t resist. During my lunch today, I received an interesting notification. Kevin Durant is the newest athlete to have an ownership stake in a professional team as he purchased 5% of the Philadelphia Union. If you’re not familiar with the Union, they play in the MLS and have since 2008. Although a smart investment, Durant may have overlooked one detail in the deal.

The Union’s mascot is a SNAKE!

Although, snakes don’t have arms, Phang identifies as a one

…with arms.

Now you may be thinking, “Gator, that thing has arms and legs, he’s obviously not a snake.” I had the same thought when he was introduced in 2018, but the Union have stuck with the assertion that Phang is indeed a snake and not some sort of humanoid dragon.

I’ve actually met Phang on multiple occasions, and funny enough, I have a friend who went on a date with the man who wears the suit (the man had arms too). All parties involved with Phang swear that he is snake, and who are we to judge? If Phang identifies as a snake then he’s a snake. It doesn’t matter to me. I can think of one person that it might matter to and that would be the Union’s newest owner, one Kevin Durant.

Phang’s introduction in 2018 at the Philadelphia Zoo (America’s Oldest Zoo)

Anyone familiar with sports knows about the controversies surrounding Kevin Durant that earned him the infamous title of snake whether it be turning his back on his teammates to join the Warriors or having multiple burner accounts to lash out at critics on Twitter. Durant is know as petty and sensitive, so it will be interesting to see how he reacts when the trolls start making memes about how it’s only fitting he bought a team that has a snake Mascot.

Will Durant force the team to make Phang undergo a species change? Will Phang be jealous of another snake trying to steal his spotlight? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure, this story is just beginning, and there are going to be a few more twists and turns before this is all said and done.

When fans are allowed back into stadiums, I’ll be sure to check out a few games at Subaru Park in the hopes of catching a glimpse of some Durant fueled drama. Oh yeah, also to root on the Union.