Sound the #TAKESIREN. Guess the 8-4 Titans aren’t in win-now mode since they cut franchise great Adrian Peterson. But clearly, the 3-8 Seahawks are.

And ya know what, he might have a point. The Titans are 0-1 since cutting Adrian Peterson. Is it the Adrian Peterson curse? People are asking. And if you think this is something I’m just making up for this blog, it’s because it is. But now that I’m actually thinking about it, every team Adrian Peterson ever played for has failed to win a Super Bowl since letting him go. The Vikings, Saints, Cardinals, Redskins, Lions, and Titans. Hmm, really makes ya think. Now, granted none of them ever won the Super Bowl with him on the roster either. But that’s beside the point.

The point of this blog is that the 3-8 Seahawks are in win-now mode for signing a 36-year-old running back who averaged 3-yards per carry in his last 3-game stint with an NFL team. And the Titans? Well, they’re clearly phoning it in this season. Some may say they’re even tanking. At least according to NFL insider Ian Rappaport, the Scottie Pippen to Adam Schefter’s M.J. When you go to restaurants and order a Diet Adam Schefter, the waiter will say, is Diet Ian Rappaport ok?

But look, you have to take what he says as fact. He works for the NFL who essentially works for each franchise so you know he’s giving an authentic reaction and not just buttering up the Seahawks buying a used Honda Civic and putting it at running back.

The post Ian Rapoport Says The 3-8 Seahawks Are In Win-Now Mode Because They Signed Adrian Peterson appeared first on Korked Bats.

But in honor of Adrian Peterson’s historic* run with the Titans, I took on the incredibly tough task of narrowing down his best moments to a top-five list.

5. His 4-yard run against the Rams

I’ll never forget where I was for this play: on my couch. It was incredible. The former NFL MVP with a run for almost half of a first down for my Tennessee Titans? العاب تربح فلوس حقيقية ! I felt like I was dreaming.

4. The day he signed with the Titans

I don’t want to get too dramatic here, but this signing felt like a widower going out to the bar for the first time since the tragic death of his longtime wife and noticing someone from across the bar giving him the eye. It’s been so long since he’s had to play the field and right away someone of note was interested in him. Sure, this person is probably a little older than he’d like, and he’s not even sure if their knees work, but he doesn’t care. He’s too emotionally unstable and vulnerable to get picky. So he takes them home. Unfortunately, however, it only took a few dates to realize that person isn’t the answer.

3. That time he was photographed with a giant dip in his mouth at practice

Gotta love a running back who practices with a giant swamp donkey in his lip.

2. His 16-yard run against the Texans

This may come as a surprise, but this was Adrian Peterson’s longest run as a Tennessee Titan. Pretty sure immediately after this run, we all shouted at our TV’s, “No way he’ll be waived from the active roster two days from now!” Boy, were we wrong.

1. His touchdown against the Rams

This was cool for no other reason than the fact that it meant Adrian Peterson scored more touchdowns for the Titans than both Randy Moss and Julio Jones combined. Too soon?

The post Adrian Peterson’s Top 5 Moments With The Tennessee Titans appeared first on Korked Bats.

So when I see pictures of Adrian Peterson rocking Marcus Mariota’s (and Johnny Townsend’s) number 8, I get weirded the hell out. Kinda like the first time you saw your parents drunk. You were probably surprised, but also, it was kinda cool. I mean if you told younger me that the Tennessee Titans would have Adrian Peterson, Julio Jones, and Ryan Tannehill I’d be shocked. Mostly because I’d be talking to me from the future, but also because of the random stars in two-toned blue.

But like me since this news dropped, you’ve probably watched practice footage and pictures of Adrian Peterson as if it’s training camp all over again, you may have noticed something. Or in my case, had it pointed out to you.

What is that bump in his lip? Is that a bump?

Gotta be a mouthpiece, right?

Mouth full of Gatorade?

(These photos come via @donaldppage on Instagram. Go follow him right now.)

At first, I thought that was just a big mouthpiece. I mean, Titans fans are used to running backs with oversized mouthpieces. And surely AP isn’t touting the rock at practice rocking a swamp donkey in his mouth, right? That would just be irresponsible. Surely it’s just a bad angle and the wind is blowing his cheek to make it look like he’s storing nuts for the winter, right? But then my friend who alerted me to the image reminded me of this Bleacher Report article from like six years ago that talked about the NFL’s silent plague.

During the Vikings’ telecast on Sunday, it was reported that running back Adrian Peterson was ill from swallowing his chewing tobacco. Peterson denied the story and said what really made him ill was some whack seafood. 

“I’ve been dipping for the past 10 years,” Peterson told the media after the game. “Swallowing dip? My body’s immune to it. That doesn’t affect me at all.”

Wait…hold on…what? Adrian Peterson has been using dip for a decade? This got me wondering: How much is dip used in the NFL?

The answer: a helluva lot. A whole helluva lot.

via Bleacher Report (2015)

*wipes tear from eye* That’s my running back.

That’s insane. AP isn’t just out here dippin’, he’s out here swallowin’. I’m too scared to swallow bubble gum, and Adrian Peterson’s out here making full meals out of smokeless tobacco. And like big Thanksgiving meals too. AP is out here with lip busters bigger than most MLBers. AP’s packing a chaw so big it’s like he’s smuggling a meatball in his cheek. The stomachs of pregnant ladies in their third trimesters don’t look that full.

This might be the most Oklahoma thing about him.

Honestly, this fact might make me feel more jacked up about this signing than any highlight you could possibly show me. When the Titans lost Derrick for the rest of the regular season, everyone knew they needed grit. And what’s grittier than a running back carrying the rock with a fat one packed inside his lip? This feels like the most Mike Vrabel move ever. Hell, AP probably burrowed some chaw from his coach.

Now look, I don’t dip. Nor do I condone it. But I’d be lying if I said my brand new running back doesn’t look bad ass and gritty as hell tossin’ a dooker. I mean, damn, AP. Lemme guess, you drive a Silverado and know multiple lawnmowers by their full product name too?

If you see a filled-up Coke bottle around him, don’t ask if you can have a sip.

The post Adrian Peterson Is Back, Which Means Adrian Peterson’s Massive Dips Are Back appeared first on Korked Bats.

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The NFL held their annual NFL Honors Awards Show last night, where they handed out all of their season awards to their top players and coaches. However, some of the recipients were a bit surprising. موقع وليام هيل للمراهنات For some of the awards, it seems like the NFL still doesn’t get what’s gone wrong this year.

Here is a complete list of award winners:

Most Valuable Player

Goes to the best quarterback of the NFL season, because no other positions can be valuable, apparently.

Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers

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Coach of the Year

Goes to the best coach of the NFL season, a man who wins with honor, and without cheating.

Bill Belichick, New England Patriots

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Don Shula High School Coach of the Year

Goes to the country’s best high school football coach of the year.

Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars

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Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year

Goes to the man who best exemplifies the NFL shield throughout the year.

Ray Rice, Baltimore Ravens but not anymore

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Offensive Player of the Year

Goes to the best offensive player of the year, immediately disqualifying any Titans players.

J.J. Watt, Houston Texans

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Defensive Player of the Year

Goes to the best defensive player of the year.

The Refs from the Packers-Cowboys playoff game

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Father of the Year

Goes to the NFL player who shows true fatherly love.

Adrian Peterson, Minnesota Vikings

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Mother of the Year

Goes to the NFL player with the best motherly instincts.

Tom Brady, New England Patriots

•

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post A Complete List of All NFL Honors Award Winners appeared first on Korked Bats.

While mentally, his spirits are high, he would be lying if he didn’t owe a good portion of his physical progress to a unique support system:

FLINTSTONES VITAMINS

The Vikings running back has committed to a special dosage of these Flintstones Vitamins in order to maintain his status as a premier player in the league.  Peterson has been adamant about taking only the purple ones in support of his very own Minnesota Vikings. When asked if that was racist, Peterson responded, “So were the Flintstones”.

Peterson has not only taken up this very strict diet, but has also chosen to emulate Fred Flintstone in the training room. He has entirely sworn off wearing any form of footwear, and was recently reported as spending “ALL DAY” in the bowling alley, perfecting his twinkle toes.

Due to this increase in foot strength, Peterson has been able to improve his cutting and acceleration.  He has taken his barefoot training regimen to the practice field. New York Jets’ coach Rex Ryan has even requested film for a few of the Vikings’ OTA’s earlier this offseason, claiming to have been so impressed by Peterson’s quick recovery and improved footwork that he “needed to see it for himself.”

Peterson was questioned about his unorthodox training and rehabilitation tactics.  Many had asked him what would happen if the Flintstones Vitamins were to show up on the NFL’s banned substance list. Peterson had a very logical solution, stating all non-purple vitamins from his personal stash will be crushed up and mixed into Gatorade bottles distributed to every player in the league. That way, if the substance were to be banned, every player would be suspended and there wouldn’t be a league.

Trainers have been very impressed with the progress of Peterson.  He claims that he will be back stronger than he was before the injury.

In fact, Peterson said that he feels so good that he could “outrun the cops”.

• • •

This post was created by Chris. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @ChrisTrauma

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Adrian Peterson’s Unique Injury Rehab appeared first on Korked Bats.

Okay, Ladies.

I have been hearing about Fantasy Football for a few years now, and since I am writing for a sports blog, I thought it might be a good idea for me to learn about this phenomenon and pass along the information that I gather. Fantasy Football has, in fact, nothing to do with dragons or elves. It has nothing to do with inviting your friends over to play Dream Phone or even M.A.S.H. So if someone in your life keeps throwing parties for football games that aren’t really happening, you don’t have to be worried. There could be a good explanation. Or they’re just coming down with dementia.

Here we go.

Fantasy Football:

You need a quarterback. A good (looking) one.

You need two running backs. These should be fast and furious.

And you get to pick a defense.

This is not very important if you are playing against any team that Kerry Collins is the quartback for. He is old. And he was retired. Then he came back.  What’s next Kerry? Basketball after a brief stint in the minors?

People that are in fantasy football leagues throw parties. If you are lacking in the party department and are in need to get out there and mingle, this is a great opportunity for you. They will probably have snacks, much like Super Bowl parties. Probably some chips and salsa or those little smokies. Maybe some of those vegetable trays. I love those mini carrots!

If you are in the process of picking your team and don’t know who to pick first, here are a few options:

1. Adrian Peterson. I have heard he is really good. Adrian is kind of a girly name [see: Rocky], so you might have not gone straight to it, but the risk is worth it.

2. Michael Vick. He will do all of the work for you. But not work dealing with dogfights. No, I will not let it go.

3. Or you could pick Drew Brees because he is a good guy and has a sweet little family. And a not-so-sweet or little birthmark.

4. I would stay away from the name Vince Young. He is kind of crazy and not in a cute kind of way.

5. When in doubt, it is okay to pick a team with players that are good looking. They are usually the better athlete anyway. Don’t you guys ever watch Glee?!

You need points to win the fantasy Super Bowl later on in the season. You get points from how good your players do. And you get points taken away when your player drops a ball or misses a field goal. WHAT?! If your team makes it to the fantasy Super Bowl, you win a lot of money and then you get to ask the Black Eyed Peas to come to the half time show dressed as robots.

The Bottom Line is:

You get to be the boss of a team. You are the owner. You are the coach (kinda). You get to make the decisions. You get to call the plays and memorize the moving speeches that the team will get to hear during the half time huddle when your team is down by 15 (but none of your players will hear it). You get to have that moment when you have finally won everything and Gatorade gets dumped on your head. And if we really think about it, isn’t that why any of us do anything?

…That’s why I wrote this post.

The post Fantasy Football appeared first on Korked Bats.