The Wabash Cannonball has been a tradition at Kansas State sporting events for many years. That tradition could be lost if changes aren’t made soon. Kansas State marching band members tell 27 News that Band Director Dr. Frank Tracz informed their squad they will soon cease to play the legendary song at sporting events if Kansas State students don’t change their behavior. The student section has regularly shouted a vulgar chant aimed at their in-state rival, the University of Kansas. “The first time we hear ‘The Chant’ from now on at a football game we will no longer play Wabash during that game until the students decide to mature and realize they’re ruining the best game day tradition in the country,” one K-State band member said.

via KSNT

Mizzou plays Kansas State this weekend for the first time since Mizzou dipped outta the Big 12 and headed for the much more financially stable SEC. This is also the first team from Kansas to play Mizzou since they made the jump. The Wildcats may be my alma mater’s enemy this weekend, but I don’t view it that way. Because an enemy of my enemy is my friend. Mizzou’s hatred for kansas (little K) goes back to the Civil War. It’s a heated rivalry. One that often doesn’t get talked about because the teams are rarely good, and when they are, they’re not at the same time. Outside of 2007 of course. Plus, those beakers from Lawrence are too scared to resume the football rivalry. The only rivalry in a sport America really cares about.

So to see Kansas State’s hatred for the red-leggers…

Here’s a quick backstory on The Wabash Cannonball:

Though it seems like a timeless Wildcat tradition, “The Wabash Cannonball’s” popularity came over a century after the university was founded. The Wabash rose from the ashes, so to speak, on Friday, Dec. 13, 1968, when Nichols Hall caught fire and burned. It is often said that “The Wabash Cannonball” was the only surviving piece of sheet music from the Nichols Hall fire.

Not only am I fond to K-State’s obscene hatred for Kansas, but The Wabash Cannonball used to be a ride at Opryland USA (RIP in peace) which I loved growing up, so you know where I come out in this whole thing. I’m not even going to take the “let college kids be college kids” stance. I’m rolling with the “let K-State fans be K-State fans.” Half of your existence as a college football fan is to hate your rival. Because what is college football without rivalries? And what are rivalries without obscene chants? I’ll answer that: Nothing.

Plus, didn’t K-State try this once before by threatening to stop playing Sandstorm at games for the exact same reason? College administrations and athletic departments have a lot on their plates, and this petty thing shouldn’t be one of them. Cancel culture has come too far. Let the kids hate their rivals. Let them chant.

Personally, I’m glad Kansas State’s mascot has human hands, because I’d like to shake his.

The post Kansas State’s Band Will Stop Playing Wabash Cannonball If Students Don’t Stop Yelling “F-KU!” During It. Sad! appeared first on Korked Bats.

Steve Wilks will be the Missouri Tigers next DC. His most recent stint was with the Cleveland Browns alongside Belichick arch-rival Freddie Kitchens. Together the pair crafted a defense that ranked 21st in the NFL in points allowed. This is great! But there is a sour note to go with this fine news nugget. الرهان الرياضي Mizzou had a crack at defensive stalwart, Charles Kelly. 

According to Rolltide.com, Kelly was/is the Safeties Coach at Alabama. A native of Ozark, Alabama, he coached players like Deionte Thompson to All-American status. 

But this bio is strange because it’s a lie. 

Charles “Charlie” Kelly is actually a native of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He lives with an older man named Frank in an apartment infested with cats. He is in love with a waitress that doesn’t love him back, and he doesn’t believe people should show their knee caps. 

When asked about the Missouri job, Charlie Kelly responded, “Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off to Jobland, where jobs grow on jobbies! 888 كازينو ”

Often thought of as an experiential and eclectic motivator, Kelly also flirted with NCAA violations for the creation and promotion of an alcoholic protein drink called, Fight Milk. When asked about his history with the beverage, Kelly said, “I drink it every morning, so I can fight like a crow. تعليم البوكر ”

He most certainly would have been a controversial hire, but Alabama did win a National Championship this last year with Kelly defending the back end. A shame the Tigers went the traditional route and hired a 51-year-old NFL guy with no obvious ties to the team. 

Pretty sure Wilks doesn’t eat sunscreen, taut magnets as a hobby, or fashion a good ole fashion milksteak. What could have been.

Shame. Shame. Shame.

This post was written by Matt Drochelman.

The post Mizzou Hired Steve Wilks As Their D-Coordinator, When Charles Kelly Was Available appeared first on Korked Bats.

When your three-point shooter, Mark Smith (yes, Mizzou has just one), goes 3-7 from 3 and your big man asserts himself as the best and biggest man on the court, Jeremiah Tilmon with 19 points (on 8-11 FG and 10 boards), you find yourself with a start-to-finish victory no matter when you press pause on the DVR (are they still called DVR’s?).

But it’s the sneaky stats that tell the story, much like that smoke monster in Lost, or those guys who told Kevin Costner to build a baseball field (amazing that Ray Kinsella kept his marriage from falling apart). Mitchell Smith put in his 4 and grabbed his 5. Drew Buggs tossed dimes like a… guy who doesn’t like change. Xavier Pinson, admittedly, didn’t have his best game. Anyway, it’s a sitcom with clearly defined lanes. A hodge-podge of dry humor, witty banter, and slapstick that has resulted in a 9-2 record (3-2 in SEC play).

The Tigers are just one example of continuity playing king. 6th ranked Tennessee is led by senior (citizens) John Fulkerson and Yves Ponns. The buzzsaw Baylor Bears sport juniors like Jared (Not Gerard) Butler and board hoarders like Jonathan Tchamwa Tchatchoua (also known as “the pre-k spelling contest”). Meanwhile, longstanding 1-and-dones are finding little success. 4-9 Kentucky has more freshmen than Mentos does Freshmakers. And Coach K doesn’t seem to have the right script for his 41st pilot season of Blue Devil.

In a basketball culture where transfers and trade demands dominate the sport, teams that have chosen to renew are reaping rewards. Part of sports is seeing growth and overcoming challenges. The Missouri Tigers were 30-33 over the prior two seasons with largely the same group, and while if this were a sitcom, it would have probably been cancelled, I’m happy that Covid has not done so with this season because this cast has finally hit its stride.

This blog was written by Matt Drochelman.

The post Don’t Ask How, But Mizzou Basketball Is Somehow Getting It Done appeared first on Korked Bats.

If you listen to one discussion on a blue whale’s anatomy, make it this one from The Junk Drawer this week.

And if whale dick talk doesn’t do it for you, the awkwardness of faking excitement over certain Christmas gifts, we also talk how much we hate Northwestern, Santa getting all the credit for gifts from parents, Army deserves a bowl game, Tiger Woods and his son, and we draft Santa’s reindeer.

EP32: How Big Is A Whale’s Penis? | RUNDOWN:

3:26 – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly – A.D.

23:33 – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly – Grit

37:36 – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly – Austin

47:30 – Bowdoin College Update

49:32 – COFFEE BREAK

52:18 – FRANK FACT

56:16 – BONUS FRANK FACT 

1:02:43 – 3 For 3: NFL Picks

1:04:42 – DRAFTING ALL THE WAY (working title): Best Reindeer 

The post The Junk Drawer: A Draft For Santa’s Reindeer, We’re Anti-Northwestern, & How Big Is A Whale’s Penis? appeared first on Korked Bats.

*sigh*

Unfortunately, yes.

But do we really need them to be? Hear me out. I mean, we were doing just fine before without them, right? Who didn’t love being inundated on social media with trick shot video after trick shot video?! And like having to find other things on TV to watch for the last 4 months was fun too, right? All I’m saying is maybe having sports in our lives is overrated. Or sorry, OVER-RATED! *clap, clap, clapclapclap*

And I’m not just saying this because the Nashville Predators were eliminated in the Stanley Cup Qualifiers yesterday, causing me to wait another handful of months to watch any meaningful hockey for my favorite team again. And I’m not saying that on behalf of A.D., either, who’s Pittsburgh Penguins were also eliminated. (And who’s Pittsburgh Pirates are the worst team in baseball. No bigs.)

And I’m not saying that for St. Louis Cardinals fans who’s team probably won’t continue playing until mid-November, when they stop testing positive for coronavirus.

And I’m not saying that for Vic Beasley who apparently assumed we were cancelling sports this year and just never showed up until yesterday. I don’t blame him for thinking that, because maybe – just maybe – we should.

Oh, and I’m not just saying that because the SEC announced the two additional conference games added to every team’s schedule today, and my alma mater, Mizzou, got Alabama and LSU. And Grit’s school, Tennessee, got Texas A&M and Auburn. Like what the hell?! Part of feels like taking my mask off to try and cancel the college football season. Ok, I would never because my love for college football is stronger than my love for most things, but I’m sure as hell tempted.

Alls I’m saying is, do we really need sports? I kinda enjoyed not having this endless void of pain, humiliation, and sorrow that sports perpetually brings me constantly drowning me in the sea. of life that already finds itself stressful without sports. They say you never know what you got till it’s gone. Well, I never realized just how much pain and hurt and mind-numbingly depression I had until sports was gone. Let’s go back to just watching The Last Dance every Sunday and calling it a week. Please? I’m not asking. I’m begging.

Let’s end sports now before more sad hits me smack in the face like a two-by-four.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

The post Did We Really Need Sports To Come Back? Because I Kinda Liked The Feeling Of Not Having Constant Agonizing Pain In My Life appeared first on Korked Bats.

This is just grade-A internetting right here by Matt Moreno right here. Literally taking the hottest song in America right now and dubbing it over a hype video by a team that’s literally called the *checks notes* Tigers. This pairing deserves a chef’s kiss.

It’s perfect in another way because if you had to compare the tigers in Netflix’s Tiger King to the tigers in the SEC, Joe Exotic’s tigers would definitely be Mizzou. Doc Antle’s tigers would be Auburn. And without question, Carole Baskin’s tigers are LSU, just because they’re doing the best right now.

If you haven’t seen Tiger King on Netflix yet, we highly suggest that you do, and then feel free to read our recaps of each episode. The first one is available now.

The post Joe Exotic’s ‘I Saw Tiger’ Dubs Way Too Perfectly Over This Mizzou Football Hype Video appeared first on Korked Bats.

You’ve got Arkansas bringing in Sam Pittman, Mizzou bringing in Eli Drinkwitz, and Ole Miss bringing in everyone’s favorite bad boy of college football, Lane Monte Kiffin.

Yes, the same Lane Kiffin who was once fired by PowerPoint by Al Davis. The same Lane Kiffin who once tried to kick a 73 yard field goal with Sebastian Janikowski. The same Lane Kiffin who was left on a tarmac after being fired by USC. The same Lane Kiffin who named his son Knox after taking the Tennessee job and then bounced for USC nine months later.

He’s back.

The post VIDEO: A Look At The SEC Newest Coaches appeared first on Korked Bats.

Ah, yes. Our favorite Christmas tradition… Mizzou offensive linemen dancing on cold Thursday nights.

Wait… It’s September.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Mizzou Offensive Linemen Dancing To Christmas Music [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

• • •

Click here to see the 18 B1G Rules To Live By

Click here to see 22 SEC Network Shows You WON’T See

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post 18 SEC Rules To Live By appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Pinkel Dance took the SEC by storm last season.

Listen to the full song by DJ Beatz here.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Do The Pinkel Dance [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.