Sunday, April 21, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Mizzou Hired Steve Wilks As Their D-Coordinator, When Charles Kelly Was Available

Steve Wilks will be the Missouri Tigers next DC. His most recent stint was with the Cleveland Browns alongside Belichick arch-rival Freddie Kitchens. Together the pair crafted a defense that ranked 21st in the NFL in points allowed. This is great! But there is a sour note to go with this fine news nugget. الرهان الرياضي Mizzou had a crack at defensive stalwart, Charles Kelly. 

According to Rolltide.com, Kelly was/is the Safeties Coach at Alabama. A native of Ozark, Alabama, he coached players like Deionte Thompson to All-American status. 

But this bio is strange because it’s a lie. 

Charles “Charlie” Kelly is actually a native of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He lives with an older man named Frank in an apartment infested with cats. He is in love with a waitress that doesn’t love him back, and he doesn’t believe people should show their knee caps. 

When asked about the Missouri job, Charlie Kelly responded, “Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off to Jobland, where jobs grow on jobbies! 888 كازينو

Often thought of as an experiential and eclectic motivator, Kelly also flirted with NCAA violations for the creation and promotion of an alcoholic protein drink called, Fight Milk. When asked about his history with the beverage, Kelly said, “I drink it every morning, so I can fight like a crow. تعليم البوكر

He most certainly would have been a controversial hire, but Alabama did win a National Championship this last year with Kelly defending the back end. A shame the Tigers went the traditional route and hired a 51-year-old NFL guy with no obvious ties to the team. 

Pretty sure Wilks doesn’t eat sunscreen, taut magnets as a hobby, or fashion a good ole fashion milksteak. What could have been.

Shame. Shame. Shame.

This post was written by Matt Drochelman.

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