Thursday, June 13, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Did We Really Need Sports To Come Back? Because I Kinda Liked The Feeling Of Not Having Constant Agonizing Pain In My Life



Unfortunately, yes.

But do we really need them to be? Hear me out. I mean, we were doing just fine before without them, right? Who didn’t love being inundated on social media with trick shot video after trick shot video?! And like having to find other things on TV to watch for the last 4 months was fun too, right? All I’m saying is maybe having sports in our lives is overrated. Or sorry, OVER-RATED! *clap, clap, clapclapclap*

And I’m not just saying this because the Nashville Predators were eliminated in the Stanley Cup Qualifiers yesterday, causing me to wait another handful of months to watch any meaningful hockey for my favorite team again. And I’m not saying that on behalf of A.D., either, who’s Pittsburgh Penguins were also eliminated. (And who’s Pittsburgh Pirates are the worst team in baseball. No bigs.)

And I’m not saying that for St. Louis Cardinals fans who’s team probably won’t continue playing until mid-November, when they stop testing positive for coronavirus.

And I’m not saying that for Vic Beasley who apparently assumed we were cancelling sports this year and just never showed up until yesterday. I don’t blame him for thinking that, because maybe – just maybe – we should.

Oh, and I’m not just saying that because the SEC announced the two additional conference games added to every team’s schedule today, and my alma mater, Mizzou, got Alabama and LSU. And Grit’s school, Tennessee, got Texas A&M and Auburn. Like what the hell?! Part of feels like taking my mask off to try and cancel the college football season. Ok, I would never because my love for college football is stronger than my love for most things, but I’m sure as hell tempted.

Alls I’m saying is, do we really need sports? I kinda enjoyed not having this endless void of pain, humiliation, and sorrow that sports perpetually brings me constantly drowning me in the sea. of life that already finds itself stressful without sports. They say you never know what you got till it’s gone. Well, I never realized just how much pain and hurt and mind-numbingly depression I had until sports was gone. Let’s go back to just watching The Last Dance every Sunday and calling it a week. Please? I’m not asking. I’m begging.

Let’s end sports now before more sad hits me smack in the face like a two-by-four.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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