I used to think stadium proposals were the lamest form or proposal. Until I saw this dude hop the fence and do his stadium proposal ON THE FIELD! The guy became an instant legend with instant CTE after getting sacked into the left centerfield turf. We decided to break this thing down. And make sure to watch till the end to see an interview with the happy (and partly-concussed couple)!

The post VIDEO: A Breakdown of That Crazy Guy Proposing On The Field At Dodger Stadium appeared first on Korked Bats.

Are we really doing this again? Apparently, everyone is learning for the first time that MLB Hall of Famer Randy Johnson is a photographer. Seriously? Not to be a Randy Johnson Photography hipster, but how did everyone not know this? I thought we all knew. How is this the first time most people are learning about this? This feels like every few months when the Internet learns that this GIF of Robert Redford is NOT Zach Galifianakis.

And even if many didn’t know about Randy’s post-retirement gig as an Ansel Adams wannabe, I feel like the note of his photography company’s logo went viral just last year. Am I crazy?

Oh cool, Randy chooses to cash in on that bird on his terms apparently, blah blah blah, but when someone else references he gets all “that’s not me” on us. Look, if I sound bitter and annoyed, it’s because I am. If there are two enemies we have at Korked Bats, it’s Dana White for having our Instagram account deactivated and making us start over from scratch and Randy Johnson for blocking us on Instagram. That’s right. Given the fact that many of you are learning about Randy’s passion for polaroids, I’m sure you’re also learning of his passion for the block button.

Just so everyone knows, again, that guy on the subway checking out his mullet WAS. NOT. RANDY.

So naturally, whenever he trends, we hear about it.

Being blocked by the Big Unit is something we have to deal with every single day, and frankly, we wouldn’t wish this feeling upon our worst enemy. Lol, JK, we always wish the worst for Dana White. I mean, imagine being blocked online by a 5-time Cy Young Award winner who you grew up idolizing. That’s a tough pill to swallow. But maybe one day, he’ll unblock us, and we can enjoy the photos of the Grand Canyon or whatever he shares on his protected Instagram page.

P.S. Follow @korkedbats on Instagram! Help us build back what Dana White destroyed.

The post Everyone On The Internet Is Learning Randy Johnson Is Now A Photographer And It’s Triggered Our PTSD Of Him Blocking Us appeared first on Korked Bats.

As many of you already know, Randy Johnson hates our guts. Completely despises us. We know this from the fact that he blocked us on Instagram following us making a meme that referenced him.

So naturally, when March 24th rolls around every year – the anniversary of Randy exploding that dove with a 98mph fastball – it terrifies the crap out of us because we’re constantly reminded of MLB’s Hall of Fame Slender Man. That lanky giant just continues to haunt us all day on March 24th. This video is a proper representation of that. Enjoy.

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The post Since Randy Johnson Hates Us, March 24th Is A Day That Haunts Us appeared first on Korked Bats.

You read that headline correct. 5x Cy Young winner turned professional photographer has blocked us on the gram. Why? We’re not exactly sure of the reasoning, but we think this is the story.

Earlier this week, we stumbled upon a video of a guy on the subway checking out his mullet in the window’s reflection. Hey, I get it. Look good, feel good, play good. But this man looked a lot like Randy Johnson in the ’90s. So naturally, we made a joke.

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Pretty harmless joke. When you find a piece of content like that you have to post a caption immediately and that was the first thing that came to mind. Because that guy looked like Randy Johnson. Does he not?

Clearly he does enough to where the actual Randy Johnson felt the need to comment on that post with, and I quote, “that’s not me.”

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Um. Yeah. We know, Randall.

So we laughed it off and went on with our days. I mean, I won’t lie, it was kinda cool that Randy Johnson commented on our IG post. We felt pretty good.

Until tragedy struck.

We noticed the following day that we had been blocked by @RJ51Photos. We can’t see his posts, following/followers count, nothing. He straight up blocked us. Just a devastating blow to the gut.

A.D. and I loved that man growing up. From pitching the Mariners through an epic divisional round win over the Yankees in ’95, to starring in Little Big League in ’94, to playing for the Astros for like eleven starts in ’98. But now? We don’t know what to think. Pretty sure we’re both still in shock.

Randy Johnson blocked us on Instagram.

It’s still weird to say, to be honest.

But this why we say you shouldn’t take anything we do seriously, because we don’t take ourselves seriously. Unfortunately, however, one of the greatest pitchers in MLB history took us seriously.

And then blocked us.

Again, Randy. We know that wasn’t you in that video. For the same reason we know you don’t actually represent the power caps in this Right Guard commercial.

I’m not going to ask for forgiveness, because I don’t think we did anything wrong. What I’ll ask for you is to not live your life as butt-hurt online as another former Diamondbacks pitcher.

The post Randy Johnson Blocked Us On Instagram – Here’s The Full Story appeared first on Korked Bats.

If you’re thinking I’m making this up, I assure you I couldn’t even come up with something this random. This story was uncovered by The Athletic when they stumbled upon this photo:

Yup, that’s Madison Bumgarner, errr, Mason Saunders, and this comes via The Athletic:

“Oh boy,” Bumgarner said Sunday when shown the photo. “This is ruining my alias.”

So why the alias?

Why the alias then? That was to protect his adventures from garnering too much attention outside the insular world of roping. (“I’m nervous about this interview right now,” Bumgarner said through a smile to a pair of reporters from The Athletic at one point. “I’m upset with both you two.”) If he competed as Madison Bumgarner, every phone camera in the arena would be trained on him, he said.

You literally could’ve told me this guy did anything – and I mean ANYTHING – and I would’ve believed it. You could’ve told me that Madison Bumgarner…

• hosts tours in the Salt Lake City Art Museum
• invented Bagel Bites
• is the only player in baseball sponsored by Mossimo
• only drinks rye whiskey during games
• is in Expendables 3
• works part time at a Taco Bell in Allentown, Pennsylvania
• kisses each of his teammates on the lips before starts
• wears cargo shorts underneath his baseball pants
• is actually Brendan Fraser
• makes house calls to strip at bachelorette parties
• murdered an entire family of four in their sleep

…and I wouldn’t be surprised in the least. In fact, I’d probably respond, “Yup, that sounds right.”

Why? Because everything about this guy sounds like a tall tale wilder than John Henry. For example, Madison Bumgarner was so good at baseball so young that he started playing coach-pitch baseball at four-years-old against seven-year-olds. He’s ambidextrous and can shoot a bow, bat, write and rope right-handed, but he pitches left handed. Oh, and his dad wouldn’t let him throw a curveball until he had his driver’s licence.

And then there’s my favorite: he once dated a girl named Madison Bumgarner.

That’s 100% real. When asked about it, he said there was “No relation, I’m sure of it.”

So again, I’m not surprised he competes in rodeos under a fake name. This is a guy who literally injured his shoulder and missed three months in 2017 in a dirt bike accident DURING THE SEASON. So of course he rides bulls in the offseason. Dirt bikes are the gateway drug to roping cattle which is the gateway drug to doing those high-wire stunts across Times Square and Niagra Falls that you always see on ABC. At least I assume as much. So don’t be surprised to see MadBum tightroping between skyscrapers this summer live on ABC after Modern Family.

Meanwhile, the Arizona Diamondbacks have to be loving their new 5-year, $85 million investment. Should’ve read the fine print and known that he puts himself in harms way by doing any unsafe activity you can find on a farm. How have teams not learned to throw clauses into their MadBum contracts.

My only other question: is the rodeo world surprised to find out that Mason Saunders pitches in the major leagues under the alias Madison Bumgarner and has actually been named a 4-time All-Star and has won a World Series MVP?

The post Madison Bumgarner Competing In Rodeos Under A Fake Name Is The Least Surprising News of Spring Training appeared first on Korked Bats.

Each year, after winning the World Series or League Championship, a team commemorates the extraordinary feat by hanging a banner or pennant for fans to reminisce for years to come. However, why should the World Series Champions or League Champions be the only ones allowed to hang pennants commemorating the ups-and-downs, adversity, endurance, and steroid testing in which they faced throughout the grueling 162-game schedule? This is 2014, where everyone gets a prize, even if they suck. Right, politically correct parents?

Here are some pennants that you should expect from other MLB teams.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post If Other MLB Teams Got Pennants… appeared first on Korked Bats.

I like how at the end, the Pirates were like, “HEY, WE MISSED OUT ON THIS! BUT LET’S DO ANOTHER TAYLOR SWIFT SONG, YOU GUYS!” And the Dodgers were just like, “Nah, we’re good.”

For reference (and/or an excuse to listen to Taylor Swift while keeping it “sports related”), here is Taylor Swift’s Love Story.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post MLB Teams Join Together To Tweet Taylor Swift Lyrics appeared first on Korked Bats.

It’s that time of year. Time to shoot off the gun, signifying the start of America’s longest marathon, baseball season. Yes, baseball season is long. In fact, the only thing longer than baseball season is the intro to House of Cards. However, it provides great excitement throughout. Unless you’re a Marlins fan. But why wait until October to figure out how your team will do? We have all of your 2014 MLB Predictions right here.

The NL East has, for years, essentially been the Atlanta Braves Invitational due to the fact that they have won the NL East for what has felt like 290 straight years, except for the occasional Mets appearance and those 2 times the Marlins bought a World Series.

National League East Standings Prediction

1) Atlanta Braves (100-62) Division Winner

2) Philadelphia Phillies (90-72) Wild Card

3) Washington Nationals (87-75)

4) New York Mets (82-80)

5) Miami Marlins (3-159)

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The Braves are still the class of the east, even if they took a tumble in the 2013 postseason against the Dodgers. There is proof that they clone their pitchers out of old DNA from the dugout, which pretty much sums up that the Braves aren’t human. Good luck fighting that NL East.

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The 2013 Phillies were bogged down with bad pitching, injuries, Chase Utley’s hair, and Ryan Howard’s busy Subway commercial schedule. What should Philadelphia expect in 2014? Not a whole lot other than they won’t be as injured and new manager Ryne Sandberg, who is a Hall of Famer, is at least worth 20 more wins.

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The Nationals seem content on just being competitive, proving that fact with their 2nd place finish last season in the East. While there wasn’t a playoff spot for them, it wouldn’t have mattered. Chances are the Nats would have shut down their best players and relied on random fans to finish out the season.

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One would think that the Mets would have been good in 2013 after trading away their Cy Young Award Winner R.A. Dickey, but they somehow didn’t win the World Series? Weird. 2014 shouldn’t be any different for New York’s “other team,” unless of course every team on their schedule starts Bill Buckner at first base.

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The Marlins can’t seem to win unless they spend money, unfortunately for Miami they only spend money on things like ugly stadiums, weird looking jerseys, and not enough talent to surround Giancarlo or Mike Stanton, or whatever he wants to be called this year. Fortunately for the Marlins, the Cubs and Astros still exist to keep them from being the laughing stock of baseball.

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The NL Central is essentially a 3 team race between the Cardinals, Reds, and Pirates. Rumor has it that Commissioner Bud Selig is wanting to make a rule that makes losses to the Cubs only count 1/2 of a game since they aren’t a real baseball team anyways.

National League Central Standings Prediction

1) St. Louis Cardinals (101-61) Division Winner

2) Cincinnati Reds (98-64) Wild Card

3) Pittsburgh Pirates (88-74)

4) Milwaukee Brewers (79-83)

5) Chicago Cubs (What’s the point anymore?)

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The Cardinals always seem to have the right players making the right plays at the right time, which brings about a very important question; Do the MLB big-wigs allow the Cardinals to cheat? The answer is yes, and 2014 will prove our point when the Cardinals cheat to win over 100 games and cheat to another World Series. Looking at you, Jhonny Peralta.

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Only the Reds would part ways with the manager that had led them to their most successful run since Lou Pinella and bring in a guy who we’ve never heard of. The Reds still have a ton of talent to win games, but the season will still end in the usual way, a postseason loss followed by Cincinnati fans crying until the Bengals season starts. And then after the Bengals’ postseason loss, Cincinnati fans crying until the Reds season starts.

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We would have picked the Pirates to win the division, but they like to take 20 year breaks in between postseason appearances. The 2013 Pirates snuck up on everyone and won a ton of games, in 2014 they have a better chance of sneaking up on the Pittsburgh Penguins. Still there is hope… no, no there isn’t. But hey, we’re calling it now, “Pittsburgh Pirates, 2034 NL Central Champs!”

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The 2013 Brewers saw their best player, Ryan Braun, suspended for the season due to PEDs. The 2014 Brew Crew will see the same thing because Braun is stupid and didn’t learn his lesson. There isn’t much to look forward to if you’re a Brewers fan this season, but that’s nothing new. Hey, at least the Cubs will be worse, right?

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Bleak. Don’t get your hopes up.

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The NL West is that division where, if any of the 4 teams besides the Rockies won it, you really wouldn’t be surprised. Odds on favorite though is the Dodgers, who have taken on the role of “Yankees Of The West” for their excessive spending. Don’t be shocked to see the Rockies there at the end of the year though, because they kinda have to finish out the season. It’s the rules.

National League West Standings Prediction

1) Los Angeles Dodgers (160-2, according to the media) Division Winner

2) San Diego Padres (88-74)

3) Arizona Diamondbacks (84-78)

4) San Francisco Giants (81-81)

5) Colorado Rockies (How ’bout them Broncos?!)

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The Dodgers just barely missed a chance at the World Series last year, but you wouldn’t have known the way Yasiel Puig celebrated like it was 1999 all throughout the off-season and into the spring. Los Angeles hopes Puig doesn’t wear himself out too much and helps give the Dodgers a legit chance at the series again. *hits ball in the gap* *bat flip* *fist pump* *double peace signs in the air* *Cha-Cha slide* *confusion as what to do during the “Charlie Brown” part of the Cha-Cha slide* *spin* *splits* *moonwalk* *safe at first*

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We honestly don’t think the Padres will do much this season, but we just want the fans of San Diego to at least have something to cheer about. (Read: We need to improve our website’s San Diego traffic.) Maybe Tony Gwynn will come back from the dead and play… wait, what? Ok, so I just found out that Tony Gwynn is alive! Well, there’s something to cheer about, Padre fans!

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We can’t really comment much on the Diamondbacks because we really don’t know any of their players. There may be a guy named Bloomquist who is decent, and some pitcher named Phil or Steve. Who knows? We do know that the limping guy from the 1988 World Series is their pitching coach or manager. We really should’ve Googled them before writing this.

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The Giants always find a way to slither into the postseason and win, mostly due to their pitching, but all of that changes this year. “Why?” you ask. Wishful thinking. We don’t hate the Giants, it’s just hard to look at Bruce Bochy and his weird eyebrows. Plus, Hunter Pence always looks like he wants to kill you.

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The Rockies have one thing going for them, they will almost certainly surpass the 2013 Broncos win total of 13, and that’s something to be proud of. The bad thing is that it will probably take the Rockies until mid May to do so. This team just isn’t that good at the MLB level, but they might be able to dominate some Little League games, Danny Almonte style, if they want to boost their moral. So keep that chin up, slugger!

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Click here to read our American League Preview

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This post was created by Joe. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @JoeShowShow

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Korked Bats’ MLB Preview: National League appeared first on Korked Bats.

Each year, after winning the World Series or League Championship, a team commemorates the extraordinary feat by hanging a banner or pennant for fans to reminisce for years to come. However, why should the World Series Champions or League Champions be the only ones allowed to hang pennants commemorating the ups-and-downs, adversity, endurance, and steroid testing in which they faced throughout the grueling 162-game schedule? This is 2013, where everyone deserves to get a prize, even if they suck. قواعد لعب البوكر Right, politically correct parents? كيف تربح المال من الالعاب

Here are some pennants that you should expect from other MLB teams.

A more realistic pennant for the Red Sox:

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post If Other MLB Teams Got Pennants… appeared first on Korked Bats.

However, with their stadium signs constantly rotating, they had to wait for the perfect time to take the picture.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post The “United We Stand” Pictures The Yankees Didn’t Tweet appeared first on Korked Bats.