The Korksman of the Year is an award unlike any other. Unlike Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year award, which recognizes the greatest name in sports for that year, Korked Bats’ Korksman of the Year recognizes just about anyone in sports for absolutely anything. In fact, there is no formula really for how we choose the KOTY nominees. We could honestly nominate a piece of bread for Korksman of the Year. You know why? Because you’re not the boss of us! We can do whatever we want! So just shut up!

Ok, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just get a little defensive when people start to question the integrity of this award that we work year round for. We come up with a number of nominees and for the second straight year, we gave you the opportunity to vote for the Korksman of the Year.

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The lyrics to the wonderful holiday classic “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” could also be used to describe this year’s Korksman of the Year.

He sees you when you’re sleeping.

He knows when you’re awake.

He knows when you’ve been bad or good

Because he attends every game in person.

The 2014 Korksman of the Year is Marlins Man.

2014 was the year of the impossible happening. Charles Manson got engaged. LeBron James willing decided to return to Cleveland. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers won a football game. And a man wearing a Marlins jersey made it to the postseason.

Marlins Man was the infamous man who conveniently sat behind home plate of every World Series game and pretty much every other sporting event in 2014 too. Marlins Man was like the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge of sports this year. You saw him everywhere, and he was just trying to raise awareness for an incredibly rare and incurable disease… being a Marlins fan.

Many believe there are at least a dozen Marlins in the world, and we were able to find one at every World Series game this year. That’s like finding a unicorn, or a humble Patriots fan. Marlins Man blew up in popularity for just paying an uncomfortable amount of money for prime seating at sporting events… Even the Kardashians are jealous of how famous he got for doing nothing.

So you know just how Marlins Man came to be, let’s first give a little background on him. Marlins Man was born and raised in the small town of Ashton, Alabama. As a young boy, Marlins Man was confined to his bed for 3 years because his body grew too fast. He later became an extraordinary athlete and decided to one day leave the small town of Ashton and head out into the world. The town threw a parade for him as he left, where an old witch pulled him aside and gave him advice. The advice she gave was… wait… nevermind. This is the plot of the Tim Burton movie Big Fish.

The real background of Marlins Man remains a mystery. Like how did he make all his money to spend on expensive sporting event tickets? Or why does he occasionally turn his Marlins visor to the side during some half innings? Or why the heck would anyone willingly be a Marlins fan? Is he currently standing behind me? There are some things we will all go to our grave not knowing. Add the answers to these questions to that list.

However, one thing remains true about Marlins Man… He’ll always be in our hearts.

No seriously, he somehow found tickets to our hearts on StubHub.

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Check out Marlins Man At 13 Other Major Events here

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Previous Korksman of the Year Winners

2013 – Lennay Kekua

2012 – Replacement Refs

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post 2014 Korksman of the Year appeared first on Korked Bats.

For the second year in a row, we’re giving you the opportunity to vote for the Korksman of the Year. Unlike Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year, the Korksman of the Year really has no stipulations. Just someone or something that was pretty funny, entertaining, or impactful from 2014.

The nominees are listed below, and be sure to VOTE at the bottom of this post.

Richard Sherman

Because he hasn’t garnered enough attention this year.

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Kevin Durant’s Mom

Because she’s the real MVP.

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Kellen Winslow Jr.

Because two words: Boston Market.

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Bob Costas’ Pink Eye

Because two words: Ewww, gross.

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Publix Seafood Counter Clerks

Because they’ve got Jameis Winston’s vote.

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Eric Stangel

Because why not?

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Marlins Man

Because he’s everywhere, including on this list.

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Jack White

Because maybe this will cheer him up.

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Tim Howard

Because he’s an American hero.

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Shirtless Sochi Bro

Because who needs a shirt at the Winter Olympics?

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That Lost Old Lady Pirates Fan

Because she’s probably still lost.

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Clint Dempsey’s Broken Nose

Because ouch.

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VOTE HERE:

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Vote For The 2014 Korksman of the Year appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Korksman of the Year is an award much to the liking of Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year. Although, unlike SI, we don’t feel like giving Peyton Manning any more publicity than he already gets. I mean, the guy is literally in every primetime football game. And then he’s in every commercial of every primetime football game. And then sometimes he’s even in your living room. It’s creepy. I mean, yes, he’s really good at football, but so is my Uncle Mike. He played at Ohio Wesleyan. He was an all-conference honorable mention. You don’t see him hosting Saturday Night Live. You don’t see him making ridiculous cell phone commercials. You don’t see him spending his free time watching film in hot tubs with a helmet on. (Although Uncle Mike does spend an abnormal amount of time in hot tubs.) Just saying, Peyton Manning never even beat Florida. We’re giving all this love to a guy who missed out on the Heisman Trophy to a guy from the Big Ten. Let’s take a step back people! Let’s take a look at the guy we’re giving all this attention to. Let’s pump the brakes a little bit.

So, our 2013 Korksman of the Year is not Peyton Manning. (And it’s not Uncle Mike, either.)

In fact, this year, we allowed you to vote for who should be this year’s Korksman of the Year. Read about this year’s winner below.

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Every year seems to have it’s sweetheart. In 1953, it was Marilyn.

In 1961, it was Audrey.

In 1986, it was Molly.

In 1991, it was Julia.

In 2000, it was Jennifer.

In 2009, it was Taylor Swift.

Although some people thought it was Beyoncé.

And now, in 2013, it was (the idea of) Lennay.

No one captivated the world quite like Miss Kekua. Like any great star out of Hollywood, she was beautiful, sweet, and 100% fake.

Lennay didn’t  win over the hearts of America instantly. In fact, many of us didn’t know who she was until February of this year. (Manti Te’o included.) Although, when America learned of Lennay, we couldn’t look away. Like Rob Ryan making eye contact with an Olive Garden.

As a nation, we all learned the intriguing details behind Miss Kekua. We first learned she wasn’t real. We then learned the love story behind it all. And then we learned Kaite Couric has a syndicated daytime talk show.

Sure, Lennay may not have been real, but she was real in our computers. She was real in our minds. And most importantly, she was real in our hearts. I’m not entirely sure what that means exactly, but she was. She was real in our hearts.

This whole story reminded me of the old saying, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise?” Well, if Manti Te’o falls in love on the Internet and no one is there to confirm whether the girl is real or not, is it still love? I say yes. I say yes with an exclamation mark with a heart as the dot.

It’s like when we were younger and all fell in love with Jessica Rabbit. If you tried to tell me that she was just a cartoon and wasn’t real, I would’ve said, “What do you mean she’s not real? I’m looking right at her! She’s right there helping Roger Rabbit and Eddie defeat Judge Doom.” I don’t mean to get sappy, but loves knows no bounds. Love doesn’t care if something is real or not. Just ask Heidi Montag’s husband.

Then we learned who was behind it all.

Ronnie Tuiasosopo

Seriously? This dude?

Ok, forget everything I just said about love. This is weird. He’s not even that good looking of a dude. It’s no surprise this guys is trying to meet people online. He looks like Manti Te’o ate his teammates. Ronnie Tuiasosoalsopopssosopo (or how ever you spell it) must have a lot of free time on his hands to carry out this hoax for nearly three years. It’s hard to keep a real relationship for that long, not to mention one where you’re pretending to be someone else. It seems like Ronnie watched a little too much Mrs. Doubtfire as a kid.

I’m sure Manti Te’o would agree when I say Ronnie Tuiasosopo is the definition of buzzkill.

However, let’s just enjoy his work without bringing much notoriety to him. It’s kind of like Kanye West’s music. The music is creative, unique, and artistic. The guy who makes it is not. Ronnie created an American sweetheart, and her name is Lennay Kekua.

Lennay passed away suddenly on September 11th or 12th, 2012. No one really knows for sure of the exact date. (Hashtag great source-checking journalism, America) This death came either shortly before or shortly after Manti Te’o’s grandmother passed away as well. Again, no one knows for sure. The news of these two deaths of people who were so close to Manti produced a story that even Hollywood couldn’t write. Mainly because lately, the only movies Hollywood can “write” are sequels or remakes.

A little over a week later, Manti made the decision to skip Lennay’s “funeral” to play in the Michigan game… but in her honor, of course. Had he not played in her honor, she probably would have come back from the dead, haunted him, and never allowed him to hear the end of it, because that’s how girlfriends, and more in particularly ghost girlfriends are.

“So… I heard that you didn’t play in my honor. Why the ef did you NOT play in my honor? I mean, the LEAST you could’ve done was play in my honor. Like, I effing died, and you didn’t even go to my funeral. I mean, I really don’t care. Seriously. I told you before that if I ever died during football season, I’d want you to skip my funeral to play in your game. Remember? I’m low maintenance. But never in a million years did I think you actually would. And then you did, and then didn’t even play in my HONOR?! What the ef? Seriously, what the ef?! When Jackie died, her boyfriend not only attended her funeral, he played the game that week in her honor too! I talked to her, and she thinks I should break up with you. I told her I’d think about it. You hear that, Manti? I told her I’d think about it.”

Ghost chicks… amirite?

Manti went on to play the rest of the season, and shortly after it ended, he learned that his dead girlfriend wasn’t really dead. He then struggled in the BCS National Championship against Alabama. He played bad. We’re talking M. Night Shyamalan movie bad. Like you thought it was going to be pretty good, but then when you watched it you were like, “Yeesh… That was worse than I expected.”

However, you can’t fault Manti for his poor performance in that game. If you had an ex-girlfriend, whose funeral you missed to go to a football game, that called you to tell you she’s still alive, you’d be freaking out too. How do you explain that? “Babe, I’m sorry I skipped your funeral to go to a football game. I never thought you’d find out!” Trust me, women ALWAYS find out. Whether they’re alive or not. So Manti was understandably flustered during the national title game.

In fact, my last zombie girlfriend wouldn’t stop haunting (read: nagging) me, and I really couldn’t get any work done, so I know how Manti feels. I bet immediately after that BCS National Championship, there was one pissed Lennay Kekua waiting online to cyber bully the crap out of Manti.

Previous Korksman of the Year Winners

2012 – Replacement Refs

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post 2013 Korksman of the Year appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Korksman of the Year is an award much to the liking of Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year. Although, unlike SI, we know that everyone still hates LeBron James, and we would never give him this award. Honestly, it’s going to take more than a few cell phone commercials to win us over, Bron Bron. Just because you won MVP, your first NBA title, an Olympic gold medal and got engaged this year, doesn’t mean we’ll start liking you. To anyone outside of Cleveland, LeBron James is like a rich new neighbor. He’s really friendly to you. He keeps coming home with new expensive stuff. He’s always willing to play pick-up games of basketball with you and your son. (But not before first inviting Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh over.) But you insist on telling your wife that there’s something you just don’t like about the guy. You don’t trust him. You don’t want your kids going over there anymore. Then your wife accuses you of being racist, and makes you finish cleaning the kitchen by yourself. You stand at the sink gazing out the window wondering if you’re just being too hard on the guy. You quickly snap out of it. You HATE that guy!

So, our 2012 Korksman of the Year is not LeBron James.

People say fantasy football is one of the many instruments used to build the Nancy Grace monster known as the NFL. This statement is true, but only to an extent. Yes, fantasy football has us watching games we never would watch normally (read: Bengals games), but even that desire dies down. For some, it’s Week 7. Others, Week 4. And even some, Preseason Week 3, as fantasy football experiences from year’s past have them spending less and less time keeping up with their team. The people giving up early seems to be a growing number each year. The NFL has realized this, and thus came their implementation of this year’s 2012 Korksman of the Year winner:

The Replacement Refs

That’s right, this year’s Korksman of the Year isn’t just one great guy or girl. It’s a bunch of really crappy guys and one crappy girl. It’s a group of individuals who collectively know less about the sport of football than your mother who constantly asks, “What is pass interference again?”

Actually, now that I think about it, I think your mom was a replacement ref.

If you’re having trouble remembering who the Replacement Refs were, they were those referees who were all like, “Roughing the passer on the offense. 12-ish yard penalty. No… wait… ummmm… its… Is my mic still on? Oh here, let me turn this off and…” Still doesn’t ring a bell? They were the referees who were confusing us by saying “Touchdown!” and “Touchback!” all on one play. For anyone outside of Green Bay, it was hysterical. Finally, for once, when we yelled at our TV’s that the refs were idiots that didn’t know the rules, it was true.

And when we would say, “Hey ref! What are you? Blind?!” It would be true too, because I’m pretty sure one of the replacement refs was legally blind.

However, the Replacement Refs were named Korksman (Korksmen, Korkspeople?) of the Year for the impact they made on a nation. They began refereeing games after only a few weeks of training. They showed us all that if you put your mind to it, you can do anything (as long as the people, who are doing what you want to do, go on strike). Want to be a hair stylist? Go right ahead! How about a scuba diver? You got it, buddy! Your dream is to own a zoo? Just ask Matt Damon, ANYONE can do it! They brought major truth to the saying, “If you believe it, you can referee it.”

Seriously, the Replacement Refs showed us that you don’t even have to be good at whatever it is you want to do. You got fired from the Lingerie Football League? Sure, come ref some nationally televised NFL games that could potentially have major playoff implications.

To put it in a nutshell, the NFL basically removed Brad Pitt from this notable Chanel No. 5 commercial.

Then they replaced Brad Pitt’s eerie stare, chiseled jawline, and made up sentences, with Brad’s slightly chubbier and homelier brother, Doug Pitt.

Wondering what it would be like to actually have Doug Pitt star in a Chanel No. 5 commercial? Well, you clearly didn’t watch the end to the Packers-Seahawks game earlier in the year. It was basically the same thing.

Between the football players and replacement refs, the amount of combined stupidity on the field was at record highs. You had these men knocking each other out by running into each other, and also you had football players.

Congratulations replacement refs, you are the 2012 Korksman (Korksmen and one chick) of the Year.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post 2012 Korksman of the Year appeared first on Korked Bats.