Did they really run the ball in flag-football??!

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Old, somewhat washed up celebrities always follow the same path. When the touring numbers start to drop, they set up a residency in Vegas. Don’t get me wrong. Not every act in Vegas is washed up. They also have Bruno Mars, Lady Gaga, and J-Lo – trust me, fellas. Even in her 50’s, she’s still, she’s still Jenny from the Block. But the Pro Bowl is no J-Lo. And hasn’t been anything close since at least when Sean Taylor committed manslaughter against that Redskins punter in broad daylight.

Yes, that was from an actual Pro Bowl, and a bigger hit than Jennifer Lopez could ever produce. Young kids today probably didn’t even know they made tackles in Pro Bowls. But I assure you, TikTokers, they did.

Unfortunately these days, you’ll see more hits from oxygen tank-wielding blue hairs at the blackjack table than you will at the Pro Bowl. Instead of playing craps, you’ll now be able to see the NFL’s best play like crap. Suddenly, Carrot Top isn’t the least entertaining show in town anymore.

The Las Vegas Outlaws (RIP in peace) gave that city better football than the Pro Bowl will. The Pro Bowl just isn’t what it used to be. Which is why it’s fitting it now shares a city with Christina Aguilera. Hell, the Pro Bowl should open for Xtina.

But the boringness of the Pro Bowl aside, this move makes sense. The Pro Bowl needed any excuse to get out of Orlando. Why? Because I’m pretty sure it rained every year the Pro Bowl was in Mickey Mouse’s zip code. Even God didn’t want the Pro Bowl in Orlando.

At least this way the destination is more desirable for fans. And hopefully the players too. Because let’s face it, for the last decade or so, the NFL hasn’t been the Pro Bowl. It’s been the Reserves Bowl. As in anyone who gets voted into this thing always declines make the second or third choice the one who ends up playing in the game. I’m sorry, but we want to see Travis Kelce, not Dallas Goedert.

No offense, Dallas Goedert.

But I do believe there’s things Vegas can do to make the Pro Bowl better. You know how casinos in Vegas pump in oxygen and aromas to give people energy and keep them awake? Hopefully they do the same at Allegient Stadium to pump a little life in the sleepwalking NFL all-stars. Or maybe scrap the game at Allegient altogether. Utilize the plan that was established for the canceled 2020 Draft and just play the game in the middle of the Bellagio fountain. I’d watch Jadeveon Clowney sack Kirk Cousins into the water. Or if gambling in Vegas is legal, maybe have players make bets on themselves before every play, a la Pete Rose, who will probably be sitting at a card table outside the game signing autographs.

I’m just surprised they made this announcement so early. I figured Roger Goodell would’ve announced Vegas getting the 2021 Pro Bowl at halftime of the 2021 Pro Bowl.

Am I excited that the Pro Bowl is in Vegas? Sure. Again, it’s no Hawaii, but few places are, and it’s a million times better than Orlando. Plus, Andy Reid will still wear floral prints regardless of the location. And not that we needed another excuse to go to Vegas, but this gives us another excuse to go to Vegas.

ME: “Honey, me and the boys are going to Vegas for the Pro Bowl. Cool?”

WIFE: “The Pro Bowl? As in the sporting event you will swerve out of your way to make fun of and take shots at 364 days out of the year? The same event you claim is unwatchable, but yet on that Sunday before the Super Bowl, you rip the remote away from me just to watch a Mic’d Up Russell Wilson take photos with fans on the sidelines? That Pro Bowl?”

ME: “Um. Yes?”

Sign me up. Not to watch the Pro Bowl. But to go to Vegas for a weekend in late January pretending it’s because of the Pro Bowl.

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After finishing the season 2-14 and securing the #2 overall pick in the 2015 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans are just glad that anyone on their team is getting recognized for anything. “Frankly, we’re thrilled to actually have a Pro Bowler,” Titans GM Ruston Webster said. “We had no idea people even knew any of the players on our roster.”

Webster continued, “After the season we’ve had, we would’ve just accepted free tickets to the game or a Pro Bowl pennant or something. But having one of our players play in the game?!”

The Pro Bowl officials later clarified that no one said anything about a Titans player playing in the game. He was just voted onto the roster. Since he’s a Tennessee Titan, he’ll probably ride the bench the while game. Although, the fact that he’s a Titan doesn’t negate that fact that he’s had a great season. “It’s hard to argue voting Madden’s Mini Linebacker into the Pro Bowl,” Titans head coach Ken Whisenhunt said. “He put up video game-like numbers this year.”

Madden’s Mini Linebacker is the second Titans Pro Bowler in as many years and is the second shortest Pro Bowler this season, behind only the Eagles’ Darren Sproles.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

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“In addition to the elimination of kickoffs, we have decided to adopt certain aspects from all major sports as well as WWE wrestling. قوانين بلاك جاك ” Goodell said. The changes shall include jump balls, penalty boxes, the use of bats, and coach interference.

Goodell went on to say that additional surprises would happen during the game, such as fan involvement in play selection and the Rex Ryan-inspired “Running With The Bulls” where the 1st team to reach the end zone without being gored will receive 1 point and 5 extra seconds on the clock.

“We hope these changes will really bolster what we feel to be a great NFL tradition, because we want to give our great fans an experience they will enjoy. روليت للايفون Plus, we really really want to keep coming to Hawaii.”

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Welp, it’s the final round of Bowl Games. Where has the time gone? Well, you know Derek Dooley and the Tennessee Volunteers can’t find the answer to that question. College football is coming to a close. If we were a teenage girl, we would follow that sentence with a :,( or :( emoticon. Then I would go to the mall to see what “After Christmas Sales” they have at Limited Too, all the while I tweet about how what Charlie did to Becky was “immature,” “so like him,” and totes not coolz.” But I digress. Let’s go ahead and get you the rest of our college football bowl predictions, because we all know you have sitting by your computer clicking the Refresh button until we posted this. After the first two weeks, we are 7-4, including our upset picks of UCF and Alabama (if you can call that an upset). So it’s OK to steal our predictions and impress your friends. We’ll let you.

• • •

Discover Orange Bowl

January 3, 2011

#4 Stanford vs. #13 Virginia Tech

This should be one of the better BCS match ups. The ole Cardinal vs. Hokies match up. Two of the most ridiculous mascots in college football. But nevermind that for now, many people don’t realize that Virginia Tech hasn’t lost since their slip up against James Madison University in Week 2 of the college football season. That’s right, they currently are on the 4th longest win streak in Virginia Tech history. They’ve really gotten back to the basics of playing Beamer Ball, which I’m pretty sure means burning your neck pretty bad and allow it to blister up before taking the field. And you can’t bet against Beamer Ball, even if they are playing a guy who’s last name is Luck.

Korked Bats Pick: Virginia Tech, because Andrew Luck sounds like Buffalo Bill from Silence Of The Lambs.

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Allstate Sugar Bowl

January 4, 2011

#6 Ohio State vs. #8 Arkansas

Matching Ohio State up against an SEC team in a bowl game and hoping they won’t lose is like driving a car off a cliff and hoping it won’t blow up. It’s like seeing a democrat driving around town in their Honda Prius and hoping they have peeled off their “Gore/Lieberman 2000” stickers off. Or it’s like putting Keanu Reeves in a movie and hoping it won’t suck. Some things are inevitable. However, when you put a team up against an opponent, or a conference in this matter, ten times, they have to win at least once, right? Well, we think so.

Korked Bats Pick: Ohio State, it’s the Tattoo Five’s last game for a while so you know you can ink up a win for them. Pun intended.

• • •

The High School Reunion Punch Bowl

A Couple Years From Now

Hawaiian Punch vs. Spiked Fruit Punch

This seems to me like a one sided battle. I think Hawaiian Punch runs away with this one mainly because I haven’t heard of anyone spiking punch bowls since maybe Season 4 of Saved By The Bell or the first Back To The Future movie during the scene at The Enchantment Under The Sea Dance. No body pulls that prank anymore. In fact, according to the news, I’m pretty sure the only pranks that are pulled anymore are bullying of gay kids. People need to cut that out and go back to spiking punch bowls.

Korked Bats Pick: Hawaiian Punch, although there is a chance of an upset, that chance is slimmer than Calista Flockhart.

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AT&T Cotton Bowl

January 7, 2011

#11 LSU vs. #17 Texas A&M

Call me old school, but I feel like having some black coaches and a majority of black athletes play in a bowl game called the Cotton Bowl is pretty racist. But it’s Texas, I don’t think they realize it there yet. Anyway, this should be be pretty good match up. Texas A&M hasn’t lost a game since Missouri came to town on October 16th. They are obviously rolling, or as they would call it, gigging (whatever that means?). LSU on the other hand has the only successful coach that is on the hot seat. For as good as Les Miles, makes the Tigers every year, it seems people are still calling for his head. Also, don’t be surprised if you don’t see Coach Miles on the sideline for this game. He’ll probably be late because we all know how bad he is with clock management.

Korked Bats Pick: LSU, it may not be a night game in Death Valley, but it is a night game nonetheless.

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Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl

January 9, 2011

#15 Nevada vs. Boston College

It’s a shame for the teams who have to play in this game. They have to prepare for not only their respective opponent in the game, but they also have to prepare to fight hunger. And does anyone even know how to do that?! I do. You can fight hunger, and beat your opponent on the field by eating up clock by running the football. Expect over 700 yards rushing combined by each team.

Korked Bats Pick: Hunger, it wins every time.

• • •

NFL Pro Bowl

January 30, 2011

AFC All-Stars vs. NFC All-Stars

This game will feature a few of the National Football League’s best players facing off in a game against each other. I say a few because, let’s be honest, the best of the best will be playing in the Super Bowl the very next week so they will be excused from playing. Also, you’ll have your select All-Stars that will opt out of playing, thus being replaced by names like Cedric Benson and Derrick Mason and Marion Barber… Awesome. This game probably won’t be watched by anyone… Mainly because it’s on NFL Network and Matt Millen and Joe Theisman will probably be covering it.

Korked Bats Pick: No one, if a Pro Bowl team wins, but no one watches it, do they actually win?

• • •

Tostitos BCS National Championship Game

January 10, 2011

#2 Oregon vs. #1 Auburn

Can you guys believe how early the National Championship is this year? Gah, I was expecting to catch this game after church on Easter Sunday. That’s cool that the moved it up to just before Valentine’s Day and the Super Bowl. Had it not have been for the endless publicity on ESPN every hour of every day, I might have forgotten who was even paying (err, sorry Cam) playing in this game. We’ve got the best of the west vs. the best of the east. And remember, Oregon, you’re not just playing Auburn, you’re playing the entire SEC, because apparently after the SEC Championship, the league forgets about their rivals to join hands and sing their conference’s name after each bowl win. Does it bother anyone else to see Bama fans pulling for Auburn just because “it makes the SEC look good.” Regardless, this game should be fun… Hopefully. I mean, it is the last college football game until August.

Korked Bats Pick: Auburn, they’re good. (This pick is subject to change before or during the 4th quarter of this game.)

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