Because the only thing stronger than a Kardashian thorax is a Manning abdomen. Peyton cracked open a six-pack all over the internet, and I don’t mean of the alcoholic variety.

Excuse me while I change my pants.

Now that I’ve changed my pants, can someone explain this to me?

We all know the Sheriff is a funny guy, but there’s nothing funnier than embarrassing your little brother. He really didn’t have to do Eli like that.

The picture of Peyton flexing as hard as possibly can to pop his abs out begs the question: Did Peyton have a pair of washboard abs while he was playing in the NFL?

We put the question up to our Instagram followers, with a very scientific and extremely accurate poll on the Korked Bats IG.

81% of the answers came back with “BEER GUT”?!?!?! While I want to believe this is true, there’s no way Archie Manning would let Peyton have a beer gut, right? This is what our followers think Peyton looked like in the NFL:

But as it turns out, maybe our IG followers are on to something….

Ok, 100% confirmed now. Peyton didn’t always have these chiseled rock hard abs. In fact, from what I remember, didn’t he use to be Wears His Shirt In The Pool Guy?

Yup, confirmed again.

But now? Now Peyton is Omahot. I mean, just look at that V.

I know PeyPey is a Vol for Live, but there’s no chance he’s had that V for life. Is this plastic surgery? Can you get plastic surgery for abs? If so, why don’t more people do this? And why did Peyton do this? I mean, if Peytie is going to go under the knife, why would it be for anything other than making his forehead normal human size?

Is the entire new season of Peyton’s Places just take place at various gyms?

Back in 2011, I wasn’t sure I was ready to live in a world where Joe Flacco was a Super Bowl MVP, and here I am now not sure I’m ready to live in a world where Peyton Manning is hot. The guy already has three of the four infinity stones: great personality, great sense of humor, and “athleticism.” Note: that’s white guy athleticism. And really his athleticism doesn’t stem down to anywhere on his body outside of his right arm. But still. Now if we add hotness to that factor? The guy might as well be John Tucker.

Peyton, congrats on being the first guy to actually finish P90x, apparently. Just wish you still wore shirts in the pool… for my confidence’s sake.

The post Not Sure I’m Ready To Live In A World Where Peyton Manning Is Hot appeared first on Korked Bats.

This week, we get into some of the critically acclaimed reviews the show is already receiving before then breaking down The Match on TNT from this past weekend. We talk about what sports we’d like to see them compete in next, whether or not this loss tarnishes Brady’s legacy, and what it proper pronunciation of GIF?

Also, I’m sure you’ve heard, but Eli Manning joined Twitter and we can’t think of a worse Manning (or athlete) to have on social media.

And the show can’t end without us adding things to The List. A.D. has propane tanks (kinda), Grit adds angry people on Twitter, and I add Cap’n Crunch’s Oops All Berries!

We had fun making it. We hope you have just as much fun listening to it.

Listen on Apple

ORRRRR….

Watch on YouTube:

EP2: GOOD ANSWER | RUNDOWN:

0:49 – The Reviews Are In

11:36 – The Match

21:11 – Does This Loss Cloud Brady’s Legacy?

26:30 – What Other Sport Should They Compete In Next?

37:56 – The Best Coffee Ever

41:35 – Eli Manning Joined Twitter

45:38 – Pronunciation of GIF

46:55 – Back To Eli

52:24 – The List – Propane Tanks 

59:49 – The List – Negative People on Twitter

1:02:26 – The List – Cap’n Crunch Oops! All Berries

The post The Junk Drawer: Does Brady’s Loss In The Match Tarnish His Legacy? And The Lamest Manning Joined Twitter appeared first on Korked Bats.

The post Eli Manning’s Retirement Letter appeared first on Korked Bats.

[dropcap] W [/dropcap] hat’s the dad bod? It’s a body that shows you workout… sometimes, but lounge around doing nothing the rest of the time. It’s not fat, but it’s definitely not skinny. It’s like the Cincinnati Bengals of bodies.

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Kind of good, but mostly not. It’s basically a body that says, “I workout sometimes, but eat pizza the rest of the time,” or “I do my best to stay in shape, with that shape being a rectangle with rounded edges,” or even “Don’t make me turn this car around.” “Do you want to be grounded?” “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Don’t tell your mother.” “Do what your mother says.” “You’re not going out dressed like that.” “Nobody said life is supposed to be fair.” “Has anyone seen my plaid cargo shorts?!” and other things dads say!

With that said, there are a lot of dad bods in the world of sports. So we took it upon ourselves to sift through thousands of Google images of chubby athletess with their shirts off to provide you the definitive ranking of the 20 Best Dad Bods In Sports. Enjoy… but not too much, because it’s kind of gross.

You can click on the images below for a closer look, but you shouldn’t.

20. Andy Roddick

He’s not fat. It just looks like his skin is a wetsuit that’s three sizes too large. Flabby skin with no definition = total dad bod.

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19. Marshawn Lynch

Marshawn Lynch is just here so he won’t get fat. He’s just about that dad bod, boss.

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18. Brian Scalabrine

Who would’ve guessed Brian Scalabrine had a dad bod under his jersey? Answer: Everybody. Everybody would’ve guessed that.

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17. Charles Barkley

Old school Charles Barkley had the ultimate dad bod. Today’s Charles Barkley has the ultimate mom bod. (Read: he now has saggy boobs.)

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16. Andrew Bynum

His shoulders are somewhat defined, which clearly says, “I workout three days a week.” However, the rest of his body is not defines, which says, “I eat junk food four days a week.”

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15. Hulk Hogan

More like Dad Bod Hogan, amirite? Sorry, that was a dad joke.

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14. Tom Brady

For Tom Brady and his diet, everyday is a cheat day.

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13. Boris Diaw

Those aren’t necessarily washboard abs as much as they are Tempur-Pedic pillow abs.

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12. Nick Punto

Nick Punto already has the dad bod of names, so it only makes sense that he has an actual dad bod too. Thank you to the St. Louis Cardinals for ripping off his jersey to prove his dad bod status to us.

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11. Aaron Rodgers

Compared to most men from Green Bay, Wisconsin, Aaron Rodgers is considered to have the body of a Greek God.

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10. Peyton Manning

Nevermind the fact that Peyton Manning has the Curtis Painter of bodies… Wearing your shirt in the pool when your over the age of 14 and/or not enrolled in fat camp is automatic grounds for dad bod status, regardless of what your body looks like.

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9. Jameis Winston

For a guy who won the National Championship in the Rose Bowl, he has the body of the Belk Bowl.

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8. Joe Montana

This actually seems like the body-type a Sketchers Shape-Ups endorser would have.

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7. Matthew Stafford

Probably the only ranking in the history of the world where Matthew Stafford would rank higher than Joe Montana.

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6. Magic Johnson

Regardless of what Magic Johnson’s body looks like, this photo of him laughing at something Tom Arnold is saying proves he is a dad bod at heart.

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5. JaMarcus Russell

Look at those man boobs. JaMarcus Russell is a bust with a bust.

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4. Hyun Jin Ryu

Nevermind the fact that he looks like the little kid from UP, Hyun Jin Ryu and his tan-lines provide for the perfect dad bod. Fun Fact: Google Translator told me that “Hyun Jin Ryu” is Korean for The Squishy Dodger.

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3. Pete Rose

Keep in mind, this picture was taken during the prime of Pete Rose’s career, when his body was in peak physical condition. Also, his hairiness obviously helped in his dad bod ranking.

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2. Steve Spurrier

This former Heisman Trophy winner would be a finalist for the Dad Bod Heisman Trophy, which would rightfully be called the Hellmann’s Trophy.

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1. Eli Manning

And the best dad bod in sports goes to Eli Manning. If Eli Manning’s body was a football play, it would be a 6-yard hitch route on 3rd and 9. His body simultaneously says both, “I’ve been married for years,” and “I’m the quarterback for the New York Giants.” So basically, it says, “I’ve given up.”

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Leave a comment below with any that you think we missed.

The post The 20 Best Dad Bods In Sports appeared first on Korked Bats.

On this glorious Thanksgiving Day, let’s take a look at what some of our favorite athletes and coaches are thankful for.

Giancarlo Stanton is thankful… that Major League Baseball doesn’t have a salary cap.

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Aaron Rodgers is thankful… for peace and relaxation.

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Josh Shaw is thankful… that his nephew is alive and well.

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Hunter Pence is thankful… for Red Bull.

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Odell Beckham Jr. is thankful… for both of his hands, even though he only really needs one.

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Eli Manning is thankful… for Odell Beckham Jr., and firetrucks, and candy, and his Legos, and the pillow fort he built in the basement, and his stuffed animals, and when his mom cuts the crust off his PB&J.

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Lane Kiffin is thankful… for Nick Saban.

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Nick Saban is thankful… that the season is almost over so he can get rid of Lane Kiffin.

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Tony Romo is thankful… for DeMarco Murray, because it’s nearly impossible to have a late-game handoff intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

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Kobe Bryant is thankful… his career is almost over so he doesn’t have to put up with this [expletive] anymore.

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Kellen Winslow Jr. is thankful… for Google Maps, so he won’t get lost on his way to Boston Market anymore.

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Jameis Winston is thankful… for the Tallahassee Police Department.

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SEC fans are thankful… for Virginia Tech.

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Marlins Man is thankful… for StubHub.

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Brandon Weeden is thankful… for senior citizen discounts.

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Jay Cutler is thankful… for nothing.

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Urban Meyer is thankful… for comfort food, like pizza.

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Clayton Kershaw is thankful… the Cy Young and MVP awards only take into account the regular season.

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Clayton Kershaw’s posse is thankful… that too. #HiMom!

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Derrick Rose is thankful… for Aflac, for when he gets hurt and has to miss work.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post What Athletes Are Thankful For appeared first on Korked Bats.

My Fantasy Football Fantasy would be for Eli Manning to actually get me points in Fantasy Football.

Also… Starring in this video is the most productive thing Chris Johnson has done since he signed that monster deal with the Titans.

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Check out Peyton & Eli’s DirecTV ad from 2011 – Football Cops

Check out Peyton & Eli’s DirecTV ad from 2013 – Football On Your Phone

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Another Year, Another Manning Brothers Rap Song [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

NEW ORLEANS- Former All-Pro quarterback and genetic lottery winner Archie Manning announced that he and his family have put their youngest son, Eli Manning, up for adoption.

The elder Manning, who is also father of quarterback Peyton Manning, stated Eli’s performance this season was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

“He’s close to setting a new league record for interceptions.” Archie said. “[Eli’s] mom is even on board with this decision, and she hates to let anything go. I mean, we kept [our other son] Cooper!”

Eli Manning, who turns 33-years-old in January, wasn’t really shocked about the news. “This isn’t the first time my dad tried this,” said Eli. “The last time, I was 10, and I threw 26 interceptions in a pee wee football season, so I had to spend a week with the Steinberg’s down the street.”

New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin said in his press conference last week that the Giants organization has passed on becoming the Eli’s newest legal guardian. “I mean, Eli is a good kid and won us a couple Super Bowls, but that’s a huge commitment and we just aren’t ready to be a dad right now. At least not for him.”

“Hopefully we can wrap this up before Peyton starts the playoffs,” Archie added. “I don’t need my favorite kid to be distracted by Eli and his awful play anymore. This may be Peyton’s last chance for another title.”

When asked who he would like to be adopted by, Eli said it really doesn’t matter. “It would be cool to call Cam Newton dad, or maybe Aaron Rodgers, but I’m sure I’ll end up with some like Tom Brady, which is fine because at least I know he will never beat me.”

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This post was created by Joe. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @JoeShowShow

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Manning Family Puts Eli Up For Adoption appeared first on Korked Bats.

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Too soon?

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“Gimme a break! Gimme a break!”

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They’ll give 100 Grand to just about anyone. Although, when all is said and done, they’re usually stuck eating it.

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The Chiefs have plenty cupcakes. Just look at their schedule. Or just look in Andy Reid’s pantry.

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Head injuries.

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He only has “Fun Size,” and he can only give one.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post What Athletes Give Out For Halloween appeared first on Korked Bats.

New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning and Jim Halpert from The Office

Does Anyone Else See It?!

The post Look Alikes appeared first on Korked Bats.

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ- New York Giants running back David Wilson was reported missing today, according to team sources. The second year player out of Virginia Tech was not on the team flight home from Dallas.

Wilson, who was the 32nd overall pick in the 2012 draft, apparently went missing somewhere around the 2nd quarter during Sunday night’s game after fumbling 2 balls against the Cowboys. Second string running back Da’Rel Scott is the last person to see or hear from Wilson.

“Coach told me to take over for David, and when I turned around to see if he was crying, he was gone. Like POOF! Vanished!” Scott said.

Wilson, who also fumbled in his second career rushing attempt a year ago, seemed primed and ready to become the starter for the 2013 season after incumbent starter Ahmad Bradshaw was released in early February.

“This year, the door seemed wide open for David, but it appears that door has shut with him on the wrong side,” said wide receiver Victor Cruz. “The trouble is now we don’t know where that door is to let him out, I’m sure somebody misses him. Not me, but somebody.”

“I just don’t get it, he had such a great pre-season,” stated quarterback Eli Manning. “Except for those few times he fumbled and ran the wrong way, he really looked like a football player.”

Head coach Tom Coughlin had this to add about his missing player, “David is a good kid, and he is a great practice player, but my guess is that he will continue to be ‘missing’ until he learns to hang on to the dang ball!”

Coughlin continued, “Not that I know anything. That’s just what I would guess.”

The Giants, who host the Denver Broncos this weekend, announced the signing of their former running back Brandon Jacobs to help out in Wilson’s absence.

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This post was created by Joe. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @JoeShowShow

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post New York Giants RB David Wilson Reported Missing appeared first on Korked Bats.