Not Sure I’m Ready To Live In A World Where Peyton Manning Is Hot

Peyton Manning broke the internet like it was an NFL record or something. You may remember when a certain Kardashian “broke the internet” years ago. But really, Kim was just scratching the surface of breaking the internet as we know it.

Because the only thing stronger than a Kardashian thorax is a Manning abdomen. Peyton cracked open a six-pack all over the internet, and I don’t mean of the alcoholic variety.

Excuse me while I change my pants.

Now that I’ve changed my pants, can someone explain this to me?

We all know the Sheriff is a funny guy, but there’s nothing funnier than embarrassing your little brother. He really didn’t have to do Eli like that.

The picture of Peyton flexing as hard as possibly can to pop his abs out begs the question: Did Peyton have a pair of washboard abs while he was playing in the NFL?

We put the question up to our Instagram followers, with a very scientific and extremely accurate poll on the Korked Bats IG.

81% of the answers came back with “BEER GUT”?!?!?! While I want to believe this is true, there’s no way Archie Manning would let Peyton have a beer gut, right? This is what our followers think Peyton looked like in the NFL:

But as it turns out, maybe our IG followers are on to something….

Ok, 100% confirmed now. Peyton didn’t always have these chiseled rock hard abs. In fact, from what I remember, didn’t he use to be Wears His Shirt In The Pool Guy?

Yup, confirmed again.

But now? Now Peyton is Omahot. I mean, just look at that V.

I know PeyPey is a Vol for Live, but there’s no chance he’s had that V for life. Is this plastic surgery? Can you get plastic surgery for abs? If so, why don’t more people do this? And why did Peyton do this? I mean, if Peytie is going to go under the knife, why would it be for anything other than making his forehead normal human size?

Is the entire new season of Peyton’s Places just take place at various gyms?

Back in 2011, I wasn’t sure I was ready to live in a world where Joe Flacco was a Super Bowl MVP, and here I am now not sure I’m ready to live in a world where Peyton Manning is hot. The guy already has three of the four infinity stones: great personality, great sense of humor, and “athleticism.” Note: that’s white guy athleticism. And really his athleticism doesn’t stem down to anywhere on his body outside of his right arm. But still. Now if we add hotness to that factor? The guy might as well be John Tucker.

Peyton, congrats on being the first guy to actually finish P90x, apparently. Just wish you still wore shirts in the pool… for my confidence’s sake.