The post Sports Balls – May 28, 2015 appeared first on Korked Bats.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

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The post Alex Rodriguez’s Apology Letter First Draft appeared first on Korked Bats.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Sports Halloween Costumes appeared first on Korked Bats.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post 2014 World Series Bingo appeared first on Korked Bats.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post New York Yankees’ Shortstop Application appeared first on Korked Bats.

Not sure if you heard, but this previous MLB season was longtime New York Yankees Captain Derek Jeter’s last. To honor him, many teams gave him a retirement gift. We’ve obtained a list of what every Major League team gave him.

Astros: Pinstriped #2 Cowboy boots.

Rangers: Pinstriped #2 Cowboy boot.s

Marlins: Pinstriped #2 flip flops.

Cubs: A cookie cake and one of those Chicago Cubs Win flags, since they never seem to use it.

Orioles: A picture of Jeffrey Maier autographed by former Orioles outfielder Tony Tarasco, with a note, “Finally, got you back for this. Enjoy the postseason from the couch. With Love, Tony T. and every Oriole since 1997.”

Rays: Rays tickets (that he probably won’t use, like everyone else who has Rays tickets.)

Padres: Pinstriped #2 camo jersey.

Blue Jays: Some scented candles, maple syrup, a signed copy of R.A. Dickey’s book “Wherever I Wind Up,” and a baseball drawing that Colby Rasmus worked really hard on…

Athletics: A giftbasket, for screwing them in the 2001 playoffs.

Brewers: Pinstriped #2 neck tie (clip-on, so he doesn’t choke too).

Tigers: After going just 4-4 with a 3.59 ERA since joining the team, they just re-gifted David Price.

Indians: Major League 2 on DVD, with gift receipt.

Angels: Angels in the Outfield on DVD, with gift receipt.

White Sox: Season 2 of Chicago Fire on DVD, without gift receipt.

Diamondbacks: Their available manager job.

Mets: An opportunity to make money quick, by recruiting 2 or 3 others to make money quick.

Reds: A free dinner with baseball legend Pete Rose (mainly, so to give the organization a break from him hanging around the ballpark all the time).

Nationals: Pinstriped #2 Ed Hardy t-shirt (Bryce Harper picked this gift out).

Rockies: A pamphlet that offers a chance to sponsor a third-world child and/or Rockies players.

Phillies: Now that Jeter is 40, they’re willing to give him a roster spot.

Pirates: A $25 giftcard to Applebee’s.

Mariners: Robinson Cano.

Giants: A Metallica concert (yes, they gave the same thing to Mariano Rivera last year, but they had a buy one get one free Groupon).

Twins: Some actual twins…

Royals: Half-eaten barbecue (Billy Butler got into the fridge without asking).

Cardinals: An autographed picture of their fans.

Braves: Completely forgot to get him anything.

Dodgers: A 3-year, $125 million contract.

Red Sox: A used Boston Red Sox 2007 World Series Champions iPhone 3G case, with a note that reads, “SUCK IT, JETER!”

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post What Every Team Got Derek Jeter As A Retirement Gift appeared first on Korked Bats.

Braves executives claimed they “totally spaced” and “didn’t realize we were doing gifts this year.” They also called other front offices to see if they felt like it was too late to mail him something.

Over the course of this season, MLB teams each got Jeter a retirement gift to express their thanks for his 19-year career. The Houston Astros got him a pair of pinstriped cowboy boots, the Texas Rangers got him another pair of pinstriped cowboy boots, and a couple other teams got him a pair of pinstriped cowboy boots too because they clearly didn’t check Jeter’s registry. New York Yankees’ rival, the Boston Red Sox, re-gifted a blender that was already opened and clearly had some parts missing.

“What’s the timetable for getting someone a retirement gift? Is it too late?” Braves newly hired GM John Hart asked. ”Like, we don’t want him to think it completely slipped our minds.”

Braves front office wanted to make it clear that they’ve been extremely busy over the past month firing their GM, searching for a new one to hire, and not winning any games in September.

Hart continued, “Also, what did other teams give him? Should we get him like a scented candle or something? Maybe a gift card to Olive Garden? Is that an appropriate retirement gift?”

A few people in the front office suggested getting him something monogrammed. That way, they could use the excuse that they were waiting for it be finished before giving it to him. Although, the women in the Braves’ front office collectively agreed that if they were the ones receiving a gift from the team, the only thing they’d want is a framed photo of starting pitcher and total dreamboat Brandon Beachy.

Others suggested getting Jeter something that was truly Atlanta, like the movie ATL on DVD (which features the acting skills of famed rapper and Atlanta resident T.I.) as well as some authentic Turner Field dirt. But that idea was quickly nixed after realizing he wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the two.

This isn’t the first time the Braves were late with a gift. Former Braves third baseman Chipper Jones, who retired after the 2012 season, admitted he just got a card from the Braves last season with a note inside that read, “Congratulations on your career and stuff! You’re a slugger! We’re proud of you! Your Friends, The Braves.”

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Atlanta Braves Forgot To Get Derek Jeter A Retirement Gift, Wondering If It’s Too Late To Mail Him Something appeared first on Korked Bats.

 The director of The Sopranos personally likes this ending better.

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Check out Our Alex Rodriguez RE2PECT Commercial here.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post We Gave Derek Jeter’s Final Yankee Stadium At Bat The Sopranos Ending [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

You can go just about anywhere on the World Wide Web to receive fantasy football advice for who you should start every week. However, there is only one place on the World Wide Web where you can go to receive fantasy football advice of who you SHOULD NOT start every week. And that place is KorkedBats.com. You’re welcome.

Week 4

Every week, you’ll get caught up in the national media’s coverage of a certain sports superstar. For example, in Week 1, it was Jaguars WR Allen Hurns. You probably quickly picked him up as a free agent in your league, completely forgetting the fact that he’s a Jacksonville Jaguar. Or in Week 2 and Week 3, you probably got caught up in the all of the media coverage and picked up every NFL players’ lawyer, only to learn that most leagues don’t reward points for legal advisors. And now, here in Week 4, the national media is yet again focusing on one particular person. We’re here to not let you fall into their trap. We’re here to make sure you don’t start the national media’s flavor of the week.

This week, make sure you do NOT start New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter. You will hear a lot about how great he is, and how consistent he is, but don’t be fooled. He doesn’t even play football, and this fact alone will prevent him from producing big numbers for your fantasy team. Yes, Derek Jeter is the captain of one of the most iconic sports franchises in the world, and yes, he plays the game the right way, and yes, his sweat is probably the cure to cancer, but none of that can help your fantasy team. Unless your fantasy team has cancer, and if that’s the case, our thoughts and prayers are with your fantasy team.

Now, you could possibly be in a custom fantasy league that rewards points for heartwarming Gatorade commercials, gift baskets, pairs of pinstripe boots gifted from various MLB teams, and/or tolerance for playing on the same team as Alex Rodriguez. If that’s the case, by all means, start him, but take note that you will definitely want to bench him next week, because our inside sources tell us he will be retiring on Monday. We’ll keep you posted on anything we hear, but just play it safe and bench Derek Jeter this week.

So let me repeat… BENCH DEREK JETER ON YOUR FANTA2Y TEAM!

Check back next week for more advice on Who NOT To Start.

Previous Who NOT To Start Posts: Week 2, Week 3

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Who NOT To Start – Week 4 appeared first on Korked Bats.

[youtube youtubeurl=”f_DtFzon4zc” ][/youtube]

It’s a beautiful commercial, but we felt we still needed to break it down, shot-by-shot…

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Check out our Alternative Derek Jeter Gatorade Commercial

The post A Shot-By-Shot Breakdown of Derek Jeter’s Gatorade Commercial appeared first on Korked Bats.