The Cowboys lost in the playoffs, which is always hilarious. But lately, they’ve been doing this thing where they save the grand finale for their final play, and it’s only made everything even more hilarious. Here’s our breakdown of the absolute funniest way for the Cowboys to be eliminated.

The post VIDEO: A Breakdown of the Cowboys’ Final Play of the Season appeared first on Korked Bats.

For the better part of three decades, NFL referees were given a little something extra when they officiated Cowboys games (allegedly). Jerry Jones would have one of his minions slip envelopes of cash into the referees’ locker room, and thus guaranteeing the Cowboys would get the close calls. Whenever an opposing team was driving, you would bank on three consecutive holding calls to be made to kill any sort of momentum that might lead to a Dallas loss.

Following the Cowboys being embarrassed in back-to-back weeks by the Cardinals and Football Team, something interesting happened. The refs started to turn on the Cowboys! The first proof happened against the Eagles when the Birds were clearly offsides, but no flag was thrown leading to a strip-sack. To make matters worse, the ball was clearly recovered by Eagle’s tackle Vinny Curry who appeared to be down by contact, but this was ignored by the refs who allowed the play to continue which led to the ball squirting out to be scooped and scored by Eagles safety Rodney McCleod (No relation to Fox).

Things only got worse for Dallas the next week, going up against the undefeated Steelers. The Cowboys led for a good portion of the game, then the refs stepped in. Two questionable calls against the Cowboys defense led to the Steelers coming from behind to win. In the midst of their crushing loss (Dallas is now 2-7, *chef’s kiss*), Ezekiel Elliot’s mom tweeted this;

Wow! Hard proof from a Cowboys insider showing the refs are angry with Dallas and no longer cheating for them. Is this their revenge for Jerry stopping their “Dallas Bonuses?” Why did Jerry stop? Maybe he’s trying to tank this year away for a better draft pick, or maybe the lack of fans in attendance is hurting his bottom line and he can no longer afford to cheat! Whatever the reason, it is truly incredible to watch as Dallas competes with the New York Jets for the mantle of biggest dumpster fire in the NFL.

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If you’re a millennial like myself, I’m sure you’ve seen the stories or the headlines about the croptop killer himself, Ezekiel Elliott.

The Cowboys rewarded him after they saw these headlines with a 6-year, $90 million contract. Certainly I agree, Zeke is a top-tier running back, I think we can all agree that he is not “the best”. Why? Well, for one, this is The #1 Derrick Henry Fan Site On The Internet, so you know our answer. But two, his fumble-rooskis as of late. Zeke has a bit of a fumbling problem. He coughs up the football enough to make you think his hands have COVID. He fumbled twice just last game against the Cardinals, once against the Browns, and twice against the Falcons. But maybe. JUST maybe… there is a method to Zeke’s madness.

Hear me out.

Before Dak went down, Zeke already had 3 fumbles. Yeah, I know he may have recovered one of those, but it helps prove my point even further. Honestly ask yourself, would you want to be playing with Andy Dalton as your quarterback? Or better yet, would you want to be playing in the NFC East? Or even better, would you want Jerry Jones writing your paychecks? Zeke could be trying to “fumble” his way out of Dallas.

What better way to get yourself traded than turning the ball over. Zeke has already been doing a damn good job of that this season, so now he plans to pile it on. You can already see the Cowboys regretting giving him that massive contract. After he gave the ball up twice to the Cardinals Sunday, Zeke looked like a lost puppy on the sidelines. The saddest part about the Cowboys being 2-4 is the fact that they’re currently a half game out of first in the NFC East, so they might not necessarily be in a position to trade Zeke, but he is certainly doing his part in attempting to get traded. It could be Genius.

Who wouldn’t want to trade for Zeke? He’s the (second) best back in the league.

The post Could Ezekiel Elliott Be Fumbling On Purpose? appeared first on Korked Bats.

We got more junk this week, and it’s a lot of fun. Here are some of the top moments:

(1:55) – Just when you thought The Hair Saga was over, a plot twist unlike you could’ve predicted came back up. Buckle up.

(7:51) – NEW SEGMENT ALERT: The Good, The Back, & The Ugly… Each guy gives you his good of the week, back of the week, and the ugly of the week. Including takes about belly tats, Tom Brady being done, tigers being loose in Knoxville, and Joe Burrow is good but his facial hair is not.

(25:44) – Let’s address the elephant (trunk) in the room: Chris Evan’s dick. He accidentally leaked how own peen pics over the weekend, so we HAD to talk about it. Why did we have to? Well, we are The Junk Drawer.

(54:58) – This week’s FRANK FACT is about Wyoming. Trust us, it’s better than it sounds.

(1:11:44) – We’ve got an update on the WE DID A THING social posts, and please don’t start your social media posts with the word WHEN (unless its a joke post).

Listen on Apple Podcasts here

EP18: Captain America’s Penis| RUNDOWN:

1:55 – Hair Update: The Saga Continues

7:51 – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly

25:44 – Quick Break To Talk About Captain America’s Penis

29:07 – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly [continued]

52:32 – COFFEE BREAK

54:58 – FRANK FACT

1:00:54 – 3 FOR 3

1:07:47 – THE LIST: Kohl’s

1:08:48 – THE LIST: Pulling Weeds

1:11:40 – THE LIST: People Who Start Social Media Posts With “When”

The post The Junk Drawer: Belly Tattoos, Tom Brady’s Not Great, & Captain America’s Peen appeared first on Korked Bats.

A.D.’s on vacation this week, hence the sweatshirt with his current geographical location on it. Must be nice, A.D. But we went through with the show anyway.

This week we hit on MLB’s refusal to return. Not because of the players but because of the greedy billionaire, Pamper wearing, wrinkly-balled owners and their doofus, gap-toothed commissioner Rob Manfred. Last week, Manfred said he’s 100% certain there will be baseball in 2020 and now this week he apparently revealed he has no idea how percentages work.

Also, we review ESPN’s latest 30 for 30 documentary, Long Gone Summer, all about the home run race from the summer of 1998. Or at least all about one man’s pursuit in the home run race from the summer of 1998. Because the documentary was very McGwire heavy. More McGwire heavy than his son.

We also got into a tangent about ranking the best Vacation movies: Vacation, European Vacation, Christmas Vacation, Vegas Vacation. Start/Bench/Cut… what do you got?

Plus, Zeke Elliott tested positive for coronavirus. We talk about that and whether or not he’s the least surprising guy to contract it.

And of course we end the episode by adding things to The List. This week’s additions: Jimmy Dean (as in the sausage guy), people who use the turn lane incorrectly, and people who say “That’s actually a good movie” to critically acclaimed movies.

Listen on Apple Podcasts here

EP5: FOUR NISSAN ALTIMAS | RUNDOWN:

1:40 – This Week’s Reviews

8:25 – Rob Manfred Sucks

19:24 – The Greatest Coffee Ever

21:07 – Our Review of ‘Long Gone Summer’

51:15 – Vacation Movies Debate

58:09 – Ezekiel Elliott has COVID-19

1:04:24 – THE LIST: Jimmy Dean

1:07:14 – THE LIST: People Who Use The Turn Lane Wrong

1:09:08 – Our Presidential Platforms

1:12:15 – THE LIST: People Who Say “This Is Actually A Good Movie” About Critically Acclaimed Movies

The post The Junk Drawer: MLB’s Feud, Zeke Elliott Has COVID, ‘Long Gone Summer’ Review & A Ranking of ‘Vacation’ Movies appeared first on Korked Bats.

DALLAS — Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott has tested positive for COVID-19, in what might be the least shocking news of 2020, and since a positive test requires a mandatory 14-day quarantine, the team decided to place him in their Salvation Army kettle until the quarantine is lifted.

“Honestly, that giant bucket was our only option since it’s the only place no one goes,” one team official said. “Well, it was either there or Jerry Jones’ party bus, but Zeke probably would’ve caught a lot more diseases just by walking on to that bus.”

Another idea was to just have Elliott live with Dez Bryant since he “never catches anything,” but that idea was quickly batted down like a Dak Prescott pass.

A Cowboys spokesman confirmed Zeke won’t be able to move into the bucket until after tomorrow because Mike McCarthy has been using it as an ice cream bowl during the summer and it will need to be cleaned out. Although, Zeke did offer to help spoon food out of a giant bowl.

It still isn’t 100% sure if the leaked news of Elliott’s positive COVID test is true, or if it’s just an excuse he’s using to hold out of practicing, because if there’s one thing Zeke doesn’t like, it’s shirts that are long enough to be tucked in. But if there are two things he doesn’t like, it’s shirts that are long enough to be tucked in and practicing.

One doctor added, “Cowboys fans should look at the bright side. This news actually gives them an excuse to point to when the team inevitably fails to win the Super Bowl for the 26th year in a row.”

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