A List Of Appropriate Times To Abandon Your Favorite Sports Team

1. NEVER

Quit your whining and grow up. If you’re a fan of a team, you’re with them through thick and thin, for better or for worse. When you get married, you don’t get to abandon your spouse when times get tough unless you’re out for good. And in that case, it will cost you a lot of money. Same rules apply with sports teams. If anything, the rules are stricter with your favorite sports teams. There are no sports divorce attorneys, because there is no divorce in sports. If you’re quitting on your team, then they’ve quit on you too.

For example, if you’re an Eagles fan who decides to stop watching this year, you don’t get to flip the television back on when they make a deep playoff run and pretend your betrayal never happened. If you do, you’re a special type of scum.

Furthermore, if you’re someone who switches loyalties from team to team on a regular basis, you’re a true fan of no team. You can say you support a few teams, but you cannot claim to be a Steelers fan or Raiders fan if you root for both. Fandom in sports implies that you’re a ride or die. Yes, teams can be infuriating, but that’s part of what makes their successes even sweeter.

I can understand when you’re critical of your team. It’s the same as when your mom tells you to make something of your life. It’s harsh, but she just wants what is best for you. That same logic applies to when Philly fans boo their players. They can be offended, but we boo because we care.

What I can’t understand are people who think it’s acceptable to have multiple teams. Make whatever justification you want, but just know that real fans don’t value your insincere opinion.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.