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WrestleMania XXVII Is Going To (The) Rock

I’m not a wrestling fan. In fact, I’m far from it. I went through my “being a WWE fan phase” in middle school when it was cool to wear Mankind t-shirts and make references to Monday Night Raw. I believe that the only thing more fake than Joan Rivers’ face is professional wrestling.

However, with that said, I must say that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s intro to Raw on Monday night was tight. Not like, tight as in the way a 40-year-old father trying to stay hip with his kids says it, but like tight as in, it legitimately for a second made me want to grow a mullet, unpave my driveway and lay it with gravel, and decorate the inside of my car with Taco Bell wrappers (the former is actually already accomplished).

I understand that The Rock has made far worse movies than The Rock, but he still has somewhat of a cool factor about him. Probably because it appears as though his muscles have muscles. And it doesn’t hurt to know that Dwayne Johnson could be in a coma and still fatally end my life.

When I saw this entrance, I wanted to shout “Coonskin Throwdown!” at the top of my lungs (not exactly sure what coonskin throwdown means, but I assume it’s something that those really redneck pro wrestling fans shout. I’m sorry if that sounded harsh, but if you’re worried about them reading this, don’t worry, they don’t have the “intranets” and if they do, they have dial-up and would get too frustrated with their computer before ever making it to this website. And to those of you rednecks that actually are online right now and may have Googled “Coonskin throwdown” and landed on this page, I’m sincerely apologize).

If you watch this video, you may notice that at the 2:30 mark, The Rock rubs the head of a small child on his way to the ring. This proves that Dwayne Johnson still has a sensitive side. He probably picked that up when he filmed The Game Plan. Not to mention, around the 10:20 mark, he starts talking about Justin Bieber. If you think I’m kidding, watch the video.

However, after watching the eleven and a half minutes of The Rock’s return to WWE, I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed. In a video that long, The Rock did not throwout the word “jabronies.” Not once.

I guess I’m back to not liking professional wrestling. Your lack of using the word jabronies has turned me against the sport for the first time since I started writing this article.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter (which he apparently thought was important enough to share here). He also wears pants everyday.

Austin

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