Worst Dressed

Ladies, I can tell that you have been wanting me to talk about fashion in sports for quite some time now.

Well, you are in luck because I have always been extremely into fashion as you can see from the early years of my life:

(Please ignore the partially burned foot in the lower left corner.)

By the time athletes get to the big leagues and are are making the big money and dating models and actress and driving cars with really good sound systems and big rims, they no longer care about what they have to wear to play the game.  I think team owners in the eighties took advantage of this ideology.

Sure these men look comfortable, but I don’t think they would have even been allowed to wear those shorts to church camp.

And John Stockton does look better in purple than I do, but I am about to see his bits and pieces if he goes up for a lay in.

I can’t watch basketball at that anxiety level.  No girl can.

No need to have Johnny and the twins make an appearance on the playing field/court.

These two Astros players are covered up from what I can tell, but their faces lead me to believe that they are up to no good.

(This could be due to the fact that they are wearing white pants before Memorial Day.)

Now, I remember when the NBA went to Canada.

The NBA didn’t think that sending these players to Canada was embarrassment enough, so they put uniforms on them with a literal RAPTOR PLAYING BASKETBALL ALSO. لعبه القمار روليت

For the record:

Nobody can be taken seriously wearing a Velociraptor t-shirt.

…Unless your a 3rd grade boy, in which case, you’re the coolest kid in the class. طريقة لعبة البوكر في الجزائر

Case in point:

And powder blue uniforms might bring out your blue eyes Larry Bird,

but they are not going to do much for getting your face on my best dressed list.

Larry Bird’s face keeps popping up on this ‘what not to wear’ list.

I didn’t mean to expose you Larry, but I understand it’s not easy to look cool and suave with the cards you’ve been dealt.

In life.

With your pale pale pale skin.

And your short short shorts, that showed off those pale pale pale (but toned) bird like, legs. تكساس هولدم (Pun not intended.)

(Ok, pun slightly intended.)

And your super weird hair and the fact that you surrounded yourself with really cool friends.

Good idea for being a better basketball player, bad idea for making yourself look better.

Don’t worry though Larry, you are still in the Hall of Fame…

and this whole fashion thing can be our little secret.