Sunday, April 21, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Why Dan Le Batard Show Producer & Soon To Be Grammy Winner Mike Ryan Should Become A Titans Fan

Mike Ryan, the insanely talented EP (or former EP now, I guess?) of the extremely popular Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz is officially a free agent fan. And I get it, too. His beloved Browns agreed to trade Deshaun Watson who still is facing 22 civil lawsuits alleging sexual assault (gross) and used to play for the Houston Texans (double gross). So with his NFL team allegiance on the open market, I decided to lay out the reasons why Michael Ryan Ruiz should turn his fandom to the Tennessee Titans.

The City

It always starts with the city. And the people who tell you otherwise probably cheer for a team in a craptastic city. You want a team that plays in a destination spot, a place that’s fun to visit, and while there may be places with better weather and beaches, I’d argue there are few cities in the NFL more fun than Nashville. Few people have left a weekend in Nashville and said, “It was meh.” Other than maybe these girls.

Titans Twitter

When it comes to team fan bases on Twitter, I have to admit that the Titans are near the top of that list. Of course, NBA Twitter is tops. Then maybe Braves Twitter and/or Vols Twitter. Chiefs Twitter is also very solid and creative. But the Titans have a seat at that table as well. Albeit a seat at the end of the table, but it’s still a seat, dammit. And considering how good you, Mike Ryan, are creatively and how good you are on Twitter, I think you’d fit in just fine, and even add to the growing greatness that is Titans Twitter. Are we overly sensitive at times? Of course. But that’s just fueled by passion. And Mike, you’re as passionate as they come.

The Coach and The GM

There are few coaches cooler than Mike Vrabel. Cheering for a Vrabel-coached team just feels awesome. He gets it. And the GM? Well, the GM is a man who cares so much, he’s willing to shed a tear anywhere over this team. Even in that testosterone farm known as the NFL Combine.

Four Words: Derrick Lamar Henry Jr.

Mike, we’ve all heard you on the Dan Le Betard Show with Stugotz wax poetically about the freak of nature that is Derrick Henry. I know you enjoy watching that human rhinoceros as purely an NFL fan. Now imagine watching him scoring touchdowns for YOUR team!

The only thing better than seeing this man give stiff-arm grown men in the face and slam them into the core of the earth is doing so when he’s on YOUR team. You’re going to have to trust me, as a diehard fan, it’s very, very exciting.

And considering he missed half of last season, allow us, The #1 Derrick Henry Fan Site On The Internet™ to share a few quick reminders of the King’s greatness.

Mutual Hatreds

An enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? Well guess what, FRIEND?! We have similar enemies. With your aforementioned former fan hood of the Cleveland Browns, you very clearly hate the Cincinnati Bengals. And as of January 22 of this year, we do too! Plus, we also have an ingrained hatred for the Pittsburgh Steelers dating back to the AFC Central days.

Now all you need to do is learn to hate the Jaguars, which being from Florida, shouldn’t be too hard for you.

Pro Wrestling Ties

We all know you like pro wrestling. Well, guess what? Pro wrestlers like the Tennessee Titans.

WWE Hall of Famer Jeff Jarrett?

There are few people who love the Titans more than JJ. His love runs deep. Like ‘the Frank Wycheck days’ deep.

What about Ric Flair?

The Nature Boy cut promos that used to run on the stadium’s jumbotron before and after games. WOOOO! So this counts too.

How about Shaemus?

Honestly, I have no idea who this is because my wrestling knowledge and fandom stopped just after The Attitude Era. But I’m sure you know who that is! So… how ’bout that?!

What about The Undertaker?

Ok, that’s former Titan Dennis Kelly. But if you squint, that’s The Undertaker!

Other Celebrity Fans

You think the Titans are only popular among pro wrestling circles? Please! This team is universally loved by people like…

Britney Spears

Oh baby, baby!

Hayley Williams

Whoa, I never meant to brag. But I think I got you where I want you now, Mike.

Tim McGraw

This technically counts as two celebrities since Tim is both a musician and an actor. Not many people can say one of the brothers from Four Christmases is a fan of their favorite NFL team.

That Wal-Mart Yodeling Kid

That’s right. Internet and yodeling sensation Mason Ramsey is a Titans fan. Sure, he’s not old enough to buy cigarettes, but that doesn’t mean he’s not old enough to bring the smoke in that Titans gamer.

*NSYNC (or at least two of the guys)

How’s that for a timely reference?! And yes, them just wearing a jersey during Super Bowl XXXIV festivities counts as them being lifelong fans. Plus, J.T. is from Memphis. And where did the Titans play for a season in between Houston and Nashville? Memphis. And as for Chris Kirkpatrick, he’s never been photographed in any other team’s jersey before, so you know his fandom is legit.


Oh snap, I debated whether or not to even play this trump card, but we’re pulling out ALL the stops in this recruitment. That’s right, if you become a fan of the Titans, you’ll be right there among the ranks of 9th place finisher of season 5 of American Idol.

Oh, and lookie here. Probably the biggest celebrity of them all…


Wait, let me fix that for you, Mike…

Damn, dude. I’m not gonna lie, but you look hella good in that two-toned blue. To the point where I might just become a Browns fans just so I can ditch them and follow your lead to the Titans because that right there is the look of a man who knows what the hell he’s doing. Plus, wouldn’t it be nice for your favorite football team to have essentially the same colors as your favorite football team?

That’s technically two-toned blue as well.

So go ahead and join the elite list of celebrities who are already cheering on the Titans every Sunday, and make that exclusive club even more elite. Sure most of them are musicians, so I’m pretty sure the fan base can use a producer (or whatever your new role is) for the best sports podcast in America and member of the fastest growing sports media company (Meadowlark Media) since Sports By Brooks.

And Speaking of Music

MIKE! I don’t know if you know this or not, but the Tennessee Titans play in MUSIC CITY! You just made a MUSICAL! I mean, c’mon. Plus, you want that puppy to rake in some hardware, right? Pretty sure the ven diagram between Grammy voters and Titans fans has enough overlap to the point where it’s just one giant circle. And we all know award shows are as political as working at ESPN, so play the game! Like the Titans, win a Grammy. In that order. Hell, your boy JT Daly is already in Nashville. So when you make trips up to the 615 every Sunday, you and JT can already start working on The Big Game 2, The Lyin’ King (a musical all about Stugotz), or Les Miserables (a musical on your time as a Browns fan). All I’m saying is Lin MikeRyan Miranda needs to pull for an NFL team in a city where his creativity and talent would be cultivated, enhanced, and beyond accepted.

Check out The Big Game here…

Do the math, Mike. Most Grammy winners are Titans fans. You want one of those gold-plated mini gramophones? Throw on some two-toned blue. Heady play.

Final reason…

The Mascot Is A Raccoon

The mascot for the Titans is a raccoon. So the reasoning behind you adopting the Titans should be the same as the Titans when it came time to making a raccoon their mascot, “WHY THE HELL NOT?!”

Now look, I know there may be some deterrents to becoming a Titans fan. For one, they’ve yet to win a Super Bowl. So as a Browns fan, that should be an easy transition for you. But view it like this. If you jump on now, it won’t seem like your bandwagoning them. Buy low, right? Another deterrent might be Ryan Tannehill. As a guy from Miami, you’ve seen firsthand the first part of his career. But upon landing in Nashville, he’s been an entirely different player. Did he poop the bed in the playoffs this year? Sure. But he’s still been one of the best quarterbacks in the sport over the previous two years, as we thouroghly went over here. All I’m saying is I think the Titans are the right place for your allegiance. Titan the hell up, Mike.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.