Lane Kiffin is doing his best Fievel impression and going west. Last night he accepted the USC head coaching job only 14 months after accepting the same position at Tennessee. He was probably just upset and wanted to get paid after being a Volunteer last season (lame Tennessee mascot joke).
His whole “exit strategy” is worse than Obama’s (lame Republican joke). Kiffin’s plan for leaving is as respectable as his press conference in which he announced it. The nasty white polo t-shirt that was three sizes two big, his appearance that made him look like he just woke up, and the location which seemed to me like they filmed this in a hallway in Kiffin’s house. And could we not get any audio amplification in there? The sound of camera flashes was louder than Kiffin’s excuse for leaving.
While he is trying to quietly collect his belongings and skip out of town, Knoxville is in a frenzy as to who their new head coach will be.
Don’t worry, we here at Korked Bats have assembled the perfect list of candidates for the Volunteers:
One thing is for sure, if Leach gets hired by Tennessee, it will put an end to their countless number of athletes getting arrested. Those kids will be so well behaved because they won’t want to be locked in an electrical closet for three hours.
Why does his name never come up in head coach openings? He has won two National Championships. He has had 6 undefeated seasons. He is the winningest FBS college football head coach of all time. Sure he wears thick glasses, but nothing is thicker than the mess Tennessee is in now.
UT is used to fat coaches. But nothing could get them ready for Mangino. And although they have the third largest stadium in the country, Mangino probably wouldn’t be able to fit in it. It’d be like stuffing a tennis ball in a garden hose.
I heard Conan is looking for a job after NBC has reported they are going to give Jay Leno his old time slot back in March. He would be a pretty good fit. He already has great Tennessee school spirit with his hair color.
A Construction Worker
Just hire any construction worker. They could wear their bright orange on the sidelines of the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and then back to work on the construction site on Monday. Not to mention, UT has got a lot of rebuilding to do.
Considering he already wears the UT orange in jail everyday, he would be a great fit! He is a former Heisman trophy winner. Like Kiffin, he is a former USC guy. And you can’t forget that he has enough on his criminal record to really relate to the players. But then again, he would probably stab Tennessee in the back also. (Too soon?)
Sullivan is best known for her work as the teacher and companion to Hellen Keller. Let’s be honest, Tennessee could definitely use a “Miracle Worker“.